It's disgusting to be weak. It's disgusting to be strong. It's disgusting to ask for help. It's disgusting to take things from those weaker than you. Yet all of this i have done, and will keep doing as long as i live.
Anybody else feel disgusted with life?
No kidding.
I am disgusted with myself and others. And I have dealt with the same shit repeatedly.
It's "not here" but you know.
The future… I wanted it so badly and I felt like it was passing by without me.
Nobody wanted me to "learn" or "progress."
I wasn't "good enough."
Progress came.
And then super bad shit occurred and continued to do so. Influenced by a bad mother. Influenced by bad people and trying to please bad people, trying to please the world and being repeatedly fucked with.
It got "better" and then it went "bad" again. And the same old stupid shit… same cruel shit. Same cruel shit. You learn to give up in a way. You give up, they say try harder, "try again."
Oh to fucking hell with it.
You see what they did, you couldn't find a better way? You never could. And it wasn't enough. It was too much. It was everything in between. Bad family. Bad life. Bad men. Bad roommates. Bad "friends." Bad situations. Bad roommates. Trying to constantly "do better" and then someone just ruins it repeatedly. Not okay. Not okay. Too many put downs, too many fuck faces. Too many shut downs. Too many situations that pushed too far. Can't do any better? Ahhh, they're all so much better than each other, aren't they?