Liberated, speaking my mind

[unabletocope]

Hello. I joined this site earlier after reading about it and a long hard life where I feel my only outlet is suicide. I'm 29, going to be 30 next month. I always kept going, tried to do my best, but I was always kind of regarded as rubbish, a person that wasn't really good/cool enough to fit in, strong but never really tough, in the middle but never really important. I got bullied through the years, kept being rubbish with people, tried to sort myself out with people over being academic, I was naturally academic but felt I needed to feel better with people first, get on with people, feel like I had friends/was cool and from there I'd knuckle down. Maybe I was wrong to do that but I felt pushing academia in that place wasn't worth it. I got fed up with social media and tried to reach out to people directly when I felt vulnerable when I was 19, I ended up embarrassing myself (as if I wasn't already to some extent but I got caught up in a situation that cemented my place as chronically embarrassing) and that's when I started to feel suicidal. I tried to work my way out of it, I get arrested, I embarrass myself, I'm seen as socially awkward, I'm stuck with my choices and what could have been an amazing life has dissolved into me crying out to die, to sleep and never wake up. I never thought I'd turn out like this, pointless hospital admissions arrests overdoses blowing myself up in public as I have but there we are, I have a lot of energy but my energy is starting to fade out. I'm looking to take as many sleeping pills as I can all at once, something like 240 should do the trick

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I'm sorry, I can relate a lot to how you feel & things that have happened. It's really terrible not feeling like you belong/ fit anywhere. I never thought my existence would be the way it is rn either.

However I would urge you to rethink things, especially your idea about taking 240 sleeping pills (vague; what sleeping pills?), because unless they are Nembutal or Seconal I don't think sleeping pills will work. Nothing over the counter is recommended & if your talking about Rx drugs , then the specific drug you use matters as it may not work at all, and just cause you more potential embarrassment & put your through a situation you don't need to be in.

 

[unabletocope]

I'm sorry, I can relate a lot to how you feel & things that have happened. It's really terrible not feeling like you belong/ fit anywhere. I never thought my existence would be the way it is rn either.

However I would urge you to rethink things, especially your idea about taking 240 sleeping pills (vague; what sleeping pills?), because unless they are Nembutal or Seconal I don't think sleeping pills will work. Nothing over the counter is recommended & if your talking about Rx drugs , then the specific drug you use matters as it may not work at all, and just cause you more potential embarrassment & put your through a situation you don't need to be in.

Thank you. Your insight into over the counter pills is noted, I have 240 promethazine/phenergan tablets which is suggested as a method from the ASH suicide wiki on the suicide compilation thread, whether it works or not is hard to totally conclude but I have tried to overdose on promethazine in the past and im not as comfortable with other methods such as hanging or SN so feel it's more likely to work over nothing.