Venting Let Me Tell You Something About Hate

[DeadlineDialer]

I absolutely downright fucking hate these people, the media, pushing some narrative that everyone that commits suicide just woke up one day and chose to plow their guts all over the pavement like it was for shits and giggles. They argue in bad faith and try to paint it like every single suicide was some hair trigger decision they concocted in a day. Conveniently leaving out years of abuse, emptiness, isolation, misery, hatred, sleepless nights, starved days, drug abuse, slashing and burning their own skin. The feelings of wanting to pluck their eyeballs out so they don't have to inevitably wake up to a nightmare and look at the cruel reminder in the mirror.

The same people crying out the blues about how they never saw it coming are the same people who berated them, ignored the signs, called them attention seekers, guilt tripped, patronized, and will go on to demonize even after they're dead. And, of course, these fuckers only ever do this after the fact that it already happened, since you can't attest otherwise anymore. "Oh woe is me, someone else's lifetime of suffering finally hit a melting point and now I'm left with the thought of my own mortality, what a burden it is to have to find a way to make this whole situation all about me. I haven't seen or spoken to that person in years, but this definitely immediately affects me. Oh man oh geez, now I have to think about how death exists, I never would have thought that people actually died in the world, how could this have happened?" Somehow they think every single suicide can be prevented, every single illness is treatable, every problem can be fixed. A lifetime of no accomplishment, apathy, and disconnect from people isn't fucking treatable. No amount of drinking water, going to the gym, hiking, petting animals, finding a partner, doing what you "love", any of that shit will fix staring at all of them and only having the fucking thought of "eh" bounce around your skull.

Suicide prevention, funny fucking joke. Reach out to someone, oh- they don't give a fuck. Oh now they're calling you selfish. I should have been thinking more positively, I should look for beauty in all the little things, ah, why didn't I think of that earlier. Practice a positive mindset, okay, yeah, I'm affirming that I will get enough money to afford one meal today and I won't miss rent and starve for another month. I'm affirming I'll be able to sleep tonight without the incessant thought of how my life is on the autobahn to a fucking catastrophic shitshow, yeah, I think it's working. I didn't try hard enough, thanks for telling me how hard I tried, it's insane that you lived my life for me, wanna take over from here?

So any solutions other than telling me to "just suck it up"? Where there's a will there's a way, right? Well, if someone has no fucking will to live then the people around them must have to take it upon themselves to compensate all that lost will for them. Since they don't want to live why not hold them down and beat them over the head chemically with every fucking pill in the medicine cabinet till they don't have a thought left to think, that's one way to make them stop dreaming about spattering their fucking brain matter! Burn every fucking cell in their body and manipulate their entire chemistry, bloat them and kick them into a chair to live sedentary for the rest of their lives so they can keep shitting money into pharmaceuticals pockets. How fucking kind of them, dear god where would we be if they weren't here to beat us into submission and chain us down to Earth till we rot like a raisin in the sun. On a plus side, maybe all that shit in our bodies will kill us faster. Shit, maybe we can do it more discreetly by choosing the Society Approved™ methods of killing yourself, like smoking cigarettes and eating lard drenched fast food every day. None of that shit is life, and these fuckers wouldn't consider it as such in any other situation. These knob shiners know exactly what they're doing, they know no one on fucking Earth wants to live like that, yet these sadistic fucks do it anyways because they can't handle the fucking truth. Living without purpose is a fucking nightmare, and it definitely isn't fucking living. Purpose doesn't apparate out of thin fucking air, so what do these people expect to happen? When is it okay to finally give up looking for that purpose? When you can finally decide to snap your fucking neck and call it quits? 30 years? 50 years? Maybe work until you retire, you won't be of any use to society anymore, gotta let them do it at 60.

Ticking time bombs losing seconds of borrowed time. When someone who feels fucking nothing all their lives goes through all this shit, they're only going to feel one thing for these scumsucking dipshits, it's going to be fucking rage. A bottomless pit of caustic spite and disdain what will eat everyone involved alive, and no ones going to be happy when they finally reach their melting point. Then we get more wailing and whining, more calls for suicide prevention, more berating those who open up. And with that, another endless cycle swings back for another fucking round. Hate. Hate.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

Thank you for writing this. I couldn't have put these thoughts and feelings into words in such a well-written and truly emotionally captivating way in a million years, thank you for being the voice of those of us who can no longer express ourselves like that. I wish more people, especially those outside of this forum, could hear this.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think so many of us will resonate with this.

I find it ironic too. Like- no problem in our lives will be considered big enough to CTB over. Doesn't matter what you've gone through- rape, abuse, berievement, illness, failure. Yet- if we do CTB- they are 'allowed' not to get over it. That's apparently allowed to ruin their lives. Why are the rules different for them? Why do they expect others to 'suck it up' but they want sympathy and consideration and allowances when something might impact them?

And they call suicidal people selfish... I wouldn't disagree by the way but I'd argue that they are just as selfish- if not- more so. Selfish acts usually seek to benefit someone. People who want others around presumably want something from them. Or- they don't want to feel grief and loss. (Understandable of course.) The only thing the suicidal person seeks to gain is peace and release from pain.

Why can't they see that to get to this point- that person was in pain. Like you say- it's rarely something someone does on a whim. Do they really want their loved ones to suffer? I wish they could see it as a happy release and take comfort from that.

 

[real human being]

I can relate to the hatred that you talk of, though I try not to let my mind go there as it's a very destructive emotion and only makes me worse. But what you say is absolutely true. Nobody cares about our quality of life, about the suffering that we go through day after day after day. All they care about is keeping us quiet and contained, sedating us, putting us in a little box where they don't have to hear or see or think about us, and ofc we aren't allowed to die.

 

[DeadlineDialer]

Thank you for writing this. I couldn't have put these thoughts and feelings into words in such a well-written and truly emotionally captivating way in a million years, thank you for being the voice of those of us who can no longer express ourselves like that. I wish more people, especially those outside of this forum, could hear this.

Thank you, this was written in a great fit of anger, but I'm glad it could still ring true in others hearts. I know no one outside would read this, and if they do, they usually dismiss this sort of talk by either clutching their pearls or saying "they're just upset right now, they don't really mean that". People who don't get it don't get it, they might read it, but they won't feel it. Just makes everything feel all the more hopeless...

I think so many of us will resonate with this.

I find it ironic too. Like- no problem in our lives will be considered big enough to CTB over. Doesn't matter what you've gone through- rape, abuse, berievement, illness, failure. Yet- if we do CTB- they are 'allowed' not to get over it. That's apparently allowed to ruin their lives. Why are the rules different for them? Why do they expect others to 'suck it up' but they want sympathy and consideration and allowances when something might impact them?

And they call suicidal people selfish... I wouldn't disagree by the way but I'd argue that they are just as selfish- if not- more so. Selfish acts usually seek to benefit someone. People who want others around presumably want something from them. Or- they don't want to feel grief and loss. (Understandable of course.) The only thing the suicidal person seeks to gain is peace and release from pain.

Why can't they see that to get to this point- that person was in pain. Like you say- it's rarely something someone does on a whim. Do they really want their loved ones to suffer? I wish they could see it as a happy release and take comfort from that.

You put it in a very good way I never really thought of. It's almost comical how quick someone is to turn around and say that their grief is more valid than the suicide victims because they're alive to deal with it. Congratulations, now you feel a fraction of the grief that person felt which drove them to end their lives. Now that they empathize, rather than accept and understand, they would rather point the finger and blame everything but themselves, because they just refuse to introspect. People preach a good word about being selfless, but once it's time to put aside the pride and ego and say "I was wrong" they just can't. Human nature in full effect, I suppose it can't be helped.

I can relate to the hatred that you talk of, though I try not to let my mind go there as it's a very destructive emotion and only makes me worse. But what you say is absolutely true. Nobody cares about our quality of life, about the suffering that we go through day after day after day. All they care about is keeping us quiet and contained, sedating us, putting us in a little box where they don't have to hear or see or think about us, and ofc we aren't allowed to die.

I try not to get angry, I try to understand them, I get where they're coming from. It just get's tiring, the more I watch the clock tick it feels like the click of the hands are hammering a nail into my skull. It's strenuous, it's draining, and seeing people act like suicidal ideation has some quick fix, that there's some solution that isn't living alongside it and coping with it for the rest of your life until you kick either way, is aggravating to say the least. I need a smoke.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

So true.
These pro - lifers are sadistic control freaks who actually want us to suffer as opposed to helping us.

 

[Christo]

I think the people who are against suicide just haven't experienced a life that is not worth living.
It's impossible to understand what suicidal people are going through.
People should just shut up and think before they start saying stuff about something they haven't experienced.

 

[nembutal]

so you do want help, or you dont?

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how so many hold the view that no matter what people must continue to suffer despite the fact that they were so cruelly burdened with this existence in the first place. I cannot stand anti-suicide people, they should just learn to mind their own business and accept that other people's personal decisions aren't theirs to make.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

I think the people who are against suicide just haven't experienced a life that is not worth living.
It's impossible to understand what suicidal people are going through.
People should just shut up and think before they start saying stuff about something they haven't experienced.

Word. People only really empathize with stuff thats relatable to them and in their "worldview".

I hate this life

 

[DeadlineDialer]

so you do want help, or you dont?

Not so much about help for me, but for others, like everyone on this forum. I'm knocked beyond, not sure there quite is a solution and I've given up looking for one. I know for others there is hope though, but they're constantly treated like shit, their problems trivialized and tossed to assumption by those around them and those they trusted, making what little they had flutter away for good. Life already sucks on a fundamental level, and all of this makes matters worse, and that's not fair to those who are already kicked down. I don't think anyone has to go through this, no one should feel so stuck. The way people approach it is so backwards, no one would think of these as logical treatments for someone feeling shitty emotionally, but somehow they've convinced themselves this is acceptable. The person who has gone through so much shit in their lives, through addiction, abuse, rape, etc. is considering putting behind all the trauma? Let's talk down to them like they're subhuman, or flat out stupid. Or let's introduce them to more addictive chemicals. Maybe we'll just flat out stop talking to them altogether and hope it sorts itself out. I think society needs to get more well equipped with actually dealing with issues. This might be one problem, but the less people stare at their own smiles in the mirror, the more other shitty aspects could get addressed and fixed as well. Then maybe life can reach a state worth living for far more people, but that's wishful thinking I guess.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I absolutely downright fucking hate these people, the media, pushing some narrative that everyone that commits suicide just woke up one day and chose to plow their guts all over the pavement like it was for shits and giggles. They argue in bad faith and try to paint it like every single suicide was some hair trigger decision they concocted in a day. Conveniently leaving out years of abuse, emptiness, isolation, misery, hatred, sleepless nights, starved days, drug abuse, slashing and burning their own skin. The feelings of wanting to pluck their eyeballs out so they don't have to inevitably wake up to a nightmare and look at the cruel reminder in the mirror.

The same people crying out the blues about how they never saw it coming are the same people who berated them, ignored the signs, called them attention seekers, guilt tripped, patronized, and will go on to demonize even after they're dead. And, of course, these fuckers only ever do this after the fact that it already happened, since you can't attest otherwise anymore. "Oh woe is me, someone else's lifetime of suffering finally hit a melting point and now I'm left with the thought of my own mortality, what a burden it is to have to find a way to make this whole situation all about me. I haven't seen or spoken to that person in years, but this definitely immediately affects me. Oh man oh geez, now I have to think about how death exists, I never would have thought that people actually died in the world, how could this have happened?" Somehow they think every single suicide can be prevented, every single illness is treatable, every problem can be fixed. A lifetime of no accomplishment, apathy, and disconnect from people isn't fucking treatable. No amount of drinking water, going to the gym, hiking, petting animals, finding a partner, doing what you "love", any of that shit will fix staring at all of them and only having the fucking thought of "eh" bounce around your skull.

Suicide prevention, funny fucking joke. Reach out to someone, oh- they don't give a fuck. Oh now they're calling you selfish. I should have been thinking more positively, I should look for beauty in all the little things, ah, why didn't I think of that earlier. Practice a positive mindset, okay, yeah, I'm affirming that I will get enough money to afford one meal today and I won't miss rent and starve for another month. I'm affirming I'll be able to sleep tonight without the incessant thought of how my life is on the autobahn to a fucking catastrophic shitshow, yeah, I think it's working. I didn't try hard enough, thanks for telling me how hard I tried, it's insane that you lived my life for me, wanna take over from here?

So any solutions other than telling me to "just suck it up"? Where there's a will there's a way, right? Well, if someone has no fucking will to live then the people around them must have to take it upon themselves to compensate all that lost will for them. Since they don't want to live why not hold them down and beat them over the head chemically with every fucking pill in the medicine cabinet till they don't have a thought left to think, that's one way to make them stop dreaming about spattering their fucking brain matter! Burn every fucking cell in their body and manipulate their entire chemistry, bloat them and kick them into a chair to live sedentary for the rest of their lives so they can keep shitting money into pharmaceuticals pockets. How fucking kind of them, dear god where would we be if they weren't here to beat us into submission and chain us down to Earth till we rot like a raisin in the sun. On a plus side, maybe all that shit in our bodies will kill us faster. Shit, maybe we can do it more discreetly by choosing the Society Approved™ methods of killing yourself, like smoking cigarettes and eating lard drenched fast food every day. None of that shit is life, and these fuckers wouldn't consider it as such in any other situation. These knob shiners know exactly what they're doing, they know no one on fucking Earth wants to live like that, yet these sadistic fucks do it anyways because they can't handle the fucking truth. Living without purpose is a fucking nightmare, and it definitely isn't fucking living. Purpose doesn't apparate out of thin fucking air, so what do these people expect to happen? When is it okay to finally give up looking for that purpose? When you can finally decide to snap your fucking neck and call it quits? 30 years? 50 years? Maybe work until you retire, you won't be of any use to society anymore, gotta let them do it at 60.

Ticking time bombs losing seconds of borrowed time. When someone who feels fucking nothing all their lives goes through all this shit, they're only going to feel one thing for these scumsucking dipshits, it's going to be fucking rage. A bottomless pit of caustic spite and disdain what will eat everyone involved alive, and no ones going to be happy when they finally reach their melting point. Then we get more wailing and whining, more calls for suicide prevention, more berating those who open up. And with that, another endless cycle swings back for another fucking round. Hate. Hate.