Waiting for death
Experienced
- Oct 2, 2023
- 216
Almost two months ago, I tried to live my life again, and I found a job. I left my mom's house, currently, I'm 27 years old. It's not my dream job, but at least I can start building my future. I'm in my three-month-experience in this job, so when the three-month-experience is finished they will tell me If I got the job or no. It's so difficult living with twisted thoughts such as low self-esteem, I'm always having shitty thoughts about myself, I can't stop thinking about suicide and sometimes, I cry in silence when I'm laid on my bed because, I don't have another option except killing myself. I'm getting old, and my life is a complete lack of purpose. So the money I'm making in this 3 months, I'm saving because If don't get the job, I won't have courage or forces to fight for my life. The money I will use to get back to my mom's house and it will be used for my own funeral. I already made this decision, right now, I'm in tears while I'm writing this text.
I won't have another option, a few days ago, I drank SN and I wish no one would never found me and maybe right now this smelly flesh would be decaying and being delivered to worms.
My experience period + if I manage to get the job = life prolonged for a little longer!
If I don't pass + money saved for my own funeral = goodbye everybody!
And please forgive my English is a bit rusty, due to my lack of practice in writing.
I won't have another option, a few days ago, I drank SN and I wish no one would never found me and maybe right now this smelly flesh would be decaying and being delivered to worms.
My experience period + if I manage to get the job = life prolonged for a little longer!
If I don't pass + money saved for my own funeral = goodbye everybody!
And please forgive my English is a bit rusty, due to my lack of practice in writing.
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