v1car10us
Member
- Oct 10, 2019
- 29
i lost everything i have. it'd take a lifetime to describe everything, i feel like, that has happened before these 6 months i spent with my loving soulmate, but thats for another time. my whole family is rooting for me to get this job, a really really good one, but i still feel empty. i feel alone, i feel like i'm the only person who truly knows what's behind my eyes. perhaps ive waited too long to ask for help. the idea of doing so has been beaten out of me by my once abusive family. now everything's "okay." now everything is magically resolved with their remorse, and i'm elected to live without my sweet girl, my lifeline. i look at things logically, and i know she wanted us to work. i didn't gaslight her, mistreat her, and i constantly put my energy in place of hers to keep her happy. she convinced me that forever was us and that we were forever. nothing would ever change. i was trained to believe that and now i'm the one left alone. starting from scratch. why start another essay when you can crumple the paper and forget about class? fuck. i'm really gonna do it. the only way i have is a gun, i feel guilty about that, but i guess i shouldn't. maybe someone will see what's behind my eyes when i'm dead on the floor. i just want to have a friend