Story Leaving therapy....

[LittleJem]

My therapist who I spent more money on than I could afford today in our last session said that I couldn't contact him (e.g. by email) after today. Which isn't something I would have done, but made me feel really uncared for. I said to him that I knew therapy was a service that was paid for. It's not like I am a stalker of him.
He spent the whole suggestion suggesting psychiatric hospital to me, being concerned I'm leaving therapy (even though it hasn't helped me at all) and not listening to my genuine sadness about having to move house once again, away from people and a place that has been nice for me, and not knowing where to go next.
Basically the session was all about him. I'm really pleased I have left therapy. He is meant to be a therapist that practices compassion, and that is not how today felt. It felt quite simply patronising and uncaring and that he is all about the money. (you should hear his price per hour!!!).

Overall I'm just sad that someone I had trusted a little bit was clearly just after money. I really didn't need him to tell me to not contact him again once he isn't my therapist anymore - and the two emails I had sent between sessions were mainly to say therapy wasn't working for me and that I couldn't afford it. For which they suggest more therapy. It's like a cult.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I loved reading this post, how you are aware and not taking in or taking on any of his stuff.

My therapist who I spent more money on than I could afford today in our last session said that I couldn't contact him (e.g. by email) after today.

Sounds like a narcissistic discard. How dare you end the relationship? Well, he showed you. Now you don't get any more access to feed off his awesomeness.

"We'll just see" how you manage without it!

I wonder if he'll try to hoover your attention back later with...an email, or punish you by trying to have you sectioned "for your own good" since from his great height, you're not managing your own good yourself. It's like he tried to set up a slot machine to lure you; you're missing out on the jackpot of altruism he denied all along, but that's a bait-and-switch -- what he seems to me to want is for you to keep feeding your resources into the slot machine. Anyhow, not trying to cause fear, but rather imagining being in your position and what I would need in order to be prepared for how best to respond -- not react -- just in case he acts in a predictably narcissistic way, and then be able to move on from him knowing he couldn't hit me unawares if he acted in any way to attempt to use me to supply more fuel for his self-image of superiority and possessing beneficial privileged perspective. Freaking hooray if he doesn't do any of that.

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you - I am really grateful for your comments. I agree, I don't think he could handle me ending therapy - but the fact that I pay 120 per session (and I am on a minimum wage) would mean anyone sensible would tell me I can't afford it. Compassion comes at a price, it seems. Everything he said today I found patronising after his comments. His 'where do you go from here' conversation - e.g. about accessing services through my GP - irrelevant. Because CBT won't change how I am. Only working medication or supplements help me. I've been with him for months but if he was responsible he would have begged me to see a psychiatrist. Funny how people don't want to do that when they are busy making money from you.

I entirely agree with you - the word is hubris for the arrogance of the therapist who is not facing chronic mental health issues. It's all easy for him to say.
He said to me I was 'sounding better' today and often 'sounded better on a call than by email' but really it is because a supplement has been helping me for a few days, but I never know how long it will last. He is another person that thinks he can speak for me and judge rather than listen.
And he was trying to suggest psychiatric hospital, but I know that I am not bad enough to get a bed, and want to carry on working - and I don't see what a hospital can do for me. Really, he didn't listen at all today and I threw away the money on this last session.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I just had a thought. Did you sign a release of information that he could communicate about you with your GP, psychiatrist or anyone else?

 

[PointlessStruggle]

Therapy never helped me or anyone I know personally. I never felt like any of them cared and I was afraid they would report me if I mentioned anything that truly bothered me. They actually gave up on my little brother once because they thought he was going to ctb back in his freshman year and told our parents that he was beyond help. If he sui'd while under their care it'd be a PR disaster and all that and they thought he would. Most are in it for the money I think, or at least the psychiatrists are. I know the field since I wanted to be one back in high school although I quit when I realized I had to go through medical school. I did take one course on it though and it was full of shallow types.

 

[LittleJem]

I just had a thought. Did you sign a release of information that he could communicate about you with your GP, psychiatrist or anyone else?

It's a good question. He didn't say he would do this - and I think because I sounded 'better' today he won't. I think he might have if I had stuck up for my pro-choice email that he wanted to discuss -but I just said I didn't want to discuss it and I was feeling better today. I could tell he would have zero respect for my wishes as a grown-up and zero respect for me being pro-choice. So not his business. I don't think he will do anything else, as his main thing seemed to be wanting money, and now he is not getting any money, wanting to ensure he gets no further contact from me.

This ended so badly I wish I had spent no money on him at all, frankly. I am so relieved therapy is over now.

 

[VivaldiBR]

With all respect, try change the therapist with a different approach. There are so many bad professionals in this area. You got to look for one that fits you. Maybe a cognitive behaviorist.

 

[LittleJem]

Thanks - I have now had maybe 8 or 9 therapists. I am just sad that this one, who I trusted, was just about the money. It doesn't surprise me, but nevertheless it was the latest hurt. This week was so patronising, in the past he acted like he believed in me, but this patronising session where he judged me for leaving therapy - I'm pretty done with therapy. I'm really pleased I left it.
The lack of care is depressing me more - and I don't know what to do about it. I mean that it has upset me. Nothing I can do I guess.

 

[VivaldiBR]

Since i was diagnostic with panic syndrome, i had like 5 or 6 therapists and never get cured from it. Only in the 7th one, i was totally cured. Never had a panic attack again. Its a procession. And it was more about me than the therapist.

But know i have depression symptoms. A whole different area.

 

[LittleJem]

I thikn therapty helps some people - but it hasn't helped me. And the ones that are after money like this - I don't want to trust one again.

 

[LittleJem]

I just don't know how to cope cos I have to move again on Sunday - and don't know where to go. I am really sad to be leaving where I have been staying, and also feeling rejected and sad - and that they will try and use me for what they want, while at teh same time I don't have anywhere to go from Sunday.

Also fuck that therapist. I wish I'd never spent any money on him at all. What a vile thing to say - so unnecessary.

 

[LittleJem]

I wrote him an email just now to stick up for myself and end the relationship. Yuk. At least I gave myself a voice.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

wow. I'm sorry for everything you've been through. Therapy is a business, no therapist wants to fix you up in 4-5 sessions. Their aim is probably to make themselves an emotional crutch for you to function

and don't know where to go

im sorry if I misread, what do you mean you don't have where to go?

that they will try and use me for what they want

Do you mean therapists or your new housemates?

Many hugs to you

Since i was diagnostic with panic syndrome, i had like 5 or 6 therapists and never get cured from it. Only in the 7th one, i was totally cured. Never had a panic attack again. Its a procession. And it was more about me than the therapist.

But know i have depression symptoms. A whole different area.

Not to derail the thread, but how did you get rid of panic? Please pm? Thank you

 

[LittleJem]

hey, thanks for your comments. You are right, therapy is a business. This dude charges over 100 quid an hour, I could never afford it.

Re where to go - I have to move on Sunday and don't know where to go next. I have some money to rent at the moment, but finding a houseshare feels like dating and I feel really lonely and vulnerable. I need to message people and see where I could go. It's astonishing the people trying to call this an adventure. It is not an adventure to have nowhere to live in your 40s and nowhere that feels like home. It's just lonely and scary. New temporary housemates wanted me to teach them something I know - but I don't want to, because I have enough on my plate. It's not like I want to teach them on Saturday and be homeless on Sunday! I need to move house.

Re panic - I am finding L-Tryptophan is helping calm me at the moment. It is worth trying.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I mean you make perfect sense, forget the selfish housemates and focus on the new lodgings. I'm sorry that it's such a tedious process but I hope it will go efficiently for you eventually.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Basically the session was all about him. I'm really pleased I have left therapy.

It sounds like it was, yes. I've certainly encountered that. The "Think how i want you to think because you are wrong," attitude.
I too felt better when I stopped having that negative influence over me. In that respect at least, maybe you have the opportunity to figure things out on your own?
I really hope the housing situation sorts itself out positively for you.