i feel your pain and i am so sorry. i will tell you my own experience rather than pretending to understand the full extent of yours.
i rescue pet rats. i ave for about 12yrs now, started in canada, and i really turned it up to 11 hen i got separated from my husband ~2015. it made me feel like a less shitty person that i could give a good life to animals that people generally hated. i can relate, as i too am generally hated. it is beyond kind souls, its a shared experience.
ffwd some time, and depression takes over. i was no longer able to give them the love and resources they needed. it started to make me feel real shitty that i was failing the only souls that never hurt me.
so, to make a long story short, i spent my savings scattering them to safe homes thru the eastern US. i have continued to send money and supplies, but i still feel like a failure. no one will know their voice like i do, their pain, their needs. i can see it on their faces whatever they want, and i could do that for a rat like i never could for a human.
i will put their support in my final wishes and i will liquidate anything of value i haven't already have for their care.
not sayin this is your case, but this is my experience
i can't serve myself, and i can't serve them as they deserve. since i have always been failed and let down, it is of the utmost importance to me that i not do that to these innocent souls. in a way i already have, but i can still try to protect them with any force i have left, and i will, till my last breath and beyond.
you can likely find a home for your kitty if that's your choice. if not, she may be your strength. it's all up to individual experience and resources, really, i think.
