Leaving a loved one

[justfloating]

I plan to CTB but the waiting is killing me.

I want to have one final conversation with my ex, a person who I love with my whole heart but who is also one of the hands on my back pushing me over the edge. I have no idea how the conversation is going to go, and he hasn't said when he will talk to me so I don't have a date. I need closure with him so I can find my peace. He knows I feel suicidal which is why he is hesitant to meet me, because he doesn't want the burden of me yet again. At the end of the day all I am is his burden and it hurts because he is the love of my life.

After our conversation im going to have to get away from him somehow without him being suspicious and calling for help, I then plan on calling him to say my final goodbyes and let him know everything will be okay. its going to be a tough phone call but I love him with everything I have and I don't feel I can go through with it without him with me one way or another, I know this may seem unfair and selfish but I think it'll also help him cope in the long run, him knowing there was nothing he could do.

I live with my parents still so I can't go home but I need a method for after I've left. I'm thinking

• Get drunk and walk in front of a guided bus
• Get drunk and take a massive concoction of store bought pills
• Get drunk and jump in a river (I don't know if this would work because its not a high bridge)

its going to be so hard knowing that I will never get to make more memories with him, but also I'll be dead so I won't know. I think he'll be sad im gone but he will also move on pretty quick. I love him so much but he doesn't feel the same about me in any way which is why im not as afraid to leave him.

Are these good methods ?
Have you guys any suggestions for leaving a loved one ?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I am so sorry for your pain, and that you feel you must CTB. Please don't walk in front of the bus intoxicated. You don't know how many people will be hurt or die by this. Also think of the driver, and how they will have to live with knowing that they killed someone. This could cause psychological trauma for them for the rest of their life. I have read that the other two methods can leave you worse off than you are now.

 

[Ham Commander]

Hey man I wouldn't recommend the bus thing I walked away from rolling a car 4 times with nothing but a couple bruised knuckles once because I was highly intoxicated, somehow our bodies can pull some like jello action stunt shit when were drunk and face an impact like that. You might just end up spending a couple bruised up days in jail, i wouldn't recommend that either