Venting Leave No Trace, No Additional Drama

[wanttogetonthebus]

I've written dozens of CTB notes over the years, but when the time truly comes I don't think I'll leave any notes or messages behind. Sure, I might put some of my affairs in order before the big day, but if my life was the show - the whole circus than why should I bother to make a bigger show out of it. Why document anything at all about myself when my fondest wish was for everything I ever was, is, or experienced to disappear as if it had never been there in the first place. What do I get if I choose to additionally sensationalize my own suffering even after all is said-and-done? For this reason, I believe the best legacy I could possibly leave behind might just be no legacy at all. And if things go according to how I would speculatively hope, then perhaps all of 'this' being-alive-stuff I spent my whole life drowning in could end up being nothing more than a forgotten nightmare that never was. Could such a thing be the closest to 'salvation' I might ever receive or might existence itself be some eternal cycle of damnation I'm bound to in one form or another, but I digress.
Returning back to the main topic at hand, more likely than not in practice, I will leave no trace beyond that which would be strictly necessary for ethical considerations such as placing warning signs to emergency personnel if any danger or other environmental hazards could be presented to them in approaching or handling my corpse depending on the method I use for example. When it comes to CTB, I hope to be the one to get it done and to not make any further deal out of it than necessary in the same manner that a slaughter plant worker might slit the throats of hundreds of cattle that pass by them on the assembly line per hour without a singular thought in their mind beyond such notions of achieving maximum efficiency or hitting their quotas. I will plan my CTB meticulously, but when the actual moment arrives, the ideal is to pull the figurative trigger in the same way you might brush your teeth in the morning - casually and with an otherwise empty head. I suppose I don't really have any gripes with exiting the stage of existence the same way I was thrust onto it - spontaneously and forced - without any preconsiderations when it came to 'meaning' or 'purpose' or merely any implications at all. The only rules life seems to play by is why should something not exist when it can. Until the day of my CTB comes, if I can say anything positive, I'm glad to have the capability of making this choice and I truly feel like it should be no one else's other than mine to make.
To wrap up this rambling, these are are just some of my latest 'shower thoughts' when it comes to what I'm aiming for in terms of my own CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to be forgotten about, that's what I also see as being ideal, I would never wish for this insignificant existence to be remembered. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

It's really understandable just wishing to be forgotten about, that's what I also see as being ideal, I would never wish for this insignificant existence to be remembered. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

Thanks for your reply, FuneralCry! It feels good to have someone who understands. It's also nice to see you still around the forums.

 

[yyytry]

The only rules life seems to play by is why should something not exist when it can.

Really vibe with this statement.
And the feeling of leaving behind no further interactions/explanations in a ctb note.
Just letting it all be a forgotten blip in time.

 

[enditall222]

I feel leaving no trace can create just as much drama. People will now question why you even did it in the first place. A note can help give them some closure and assurance

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I feel leaving no trace can create just as much drama. People will now question why you even did it in the first place. A note can help give them some closure and assurance

Thank you for the suggestion. But, I wasn't intending to refer to drama for them. I'm talking about drama for me. :) Not worrying about my own legacy makes it easier for me to just focus on myself because this CTB is really about me and having a more peaceful experience. Any drama or bad feelings that ensue in regards to others after my death will not be my problem.