Help Leading a happy life with a poor career choice?

[SomewhatLoved]

Hi friends.

I'm in a state now where I feel ok enough to go on with daily life and not be overly depressed. I think I possibly have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or something else though as this usually seems to ebb and flow and I'm sure I will have another depressive episode in the future. Anyways, I have decided that this summer I will try to keep going, and I've been considering how I should try to make progress regarding my life goals and current state. In particular I've also been thinking about how to "reconcile" my career choice with my main future goal.

I guess I should start by saying my main life goal. I have always wanted to be married and have a successful relationship/love story. I grew up in a home where my parents often fought and they eventually divorced - essentially there wasn't much love in my home and I think I've craved it my whole life. My mom even says she remembers me being around 13 and saying how I wanted to get married when I grew up. I have no recollection of telling her that from such a young age, but she said that it didn't seem like a childish wish but more of a mature thought. I don't remember her exact words, but I remember that essentially what she said is she knew I was serious. It wasn't just something I was saying as a dumb kid. Anyways, I recently saw a post talking about how people say they would do anything for love, but they won't "prepare" to be a good partner - so I've decided I will try to better myself for her. I've decided that once I have health benefits in a few months I will go to therapy, and I will try to work on my physical health. One specific "fantasy" I have always had is to carry my wife (if I ever get there lol) to bed after she falls asleep while we watch a movie on the couch, so I plan to train to be able to easily lift/front-carry the body weight of a person so I can do these things some day for her. I can lift a person, but not necessarily in an "effortless" manner that would keep them comfortable.

I worry about this goal though due to my career choice. When I was 18 I felt very lost and had no idea what I wanted to do, and I ended up picking to go to school to work on an ambulance, so that's my job now. I picked it because where I live EMS personnel are paid decently, and I thought it would be an exciting/fulfilling job. I also felt directionless at the time and I thought maybe it would give me meaning. Since then, I've been very successful in this career. I have had a senior practitioner of 15 or 16 years who is one of the most accomplished people I know tell me that he believes I was "made for this job" and that I will be a "wicked paramedic" one day when I am more experienced. I have never really been successful at anything else like this in my life, so I've continued to pursue it. However, I'm now sort of realizing that maybe it's not the best job for a married person. I have to work an "abnormal" schedule (not Monday to Friday), including nightshifts. Because the ambulance service is a 24/7 thing, I'm also working 50% of all weekends. Sometimes I also have to work Christmas or other holidays. I understand that not having weekends off, working long 12 hour shifts, and sleeping during the day once I get off night shift could make it more difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. Not impossible, but more difficult and divorce rate statistics reflect this. Even just anecdotally, I look around me and most of my older coworkers are either divorced or still young and not yet married. I can only think of one coworker who has a successful marriage.

I guess the reason I'm posting this is because I want any sort of feedback. Ultimately I think if I had someone who I really felt I could achieve this dream with I would leave my profession without looking back, but I guess I'm wondering if I should leave now and try to build something else? Part of me thinks I should stay at least a few years or at least continue to work casually in this field so that I can save some money to go back to school or help build a savings fund for my future, but I'm not sure. Any help is appreciated.

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

I think you can build an amazing life either way.

EMS is grueling work for the reasons you listed, but it's also very purposeful work. I have family members who are doctors, surgeons, emergency responders, and other professions with an on-call component and hectic work schedule, and their family lives and marriages are rich. I know several people in the military who have children and who go out on deployment; one just came back after six months, and his wife and kids are delighted to see him.

But I also know many people who changed career fields after years of being in a certain field. I have a family member who was well established in the restaurant industry and who switched to bookkeeping when she started her family.

Balancing family, work, and the rest of life is a challenge no matter what your job is, but it's also very possible in any job.

I guess my advice is to do what makes you happiest! (and that ideally pays enough)

 

[A whole human]

I agree with the post above, working in healthcare in general it's demanding but it's also very attractive and helps you cultivate a lot of personality traits that women look for in a long term partner.

You don't really sound to me like the type of person who would want a wife that would prioritize someone who has weekends off over someone who has an interesting and meaningful job, and it's also not like you work on nightlife so I would bet you do have space to plan vacations and romantic activities if that's a priority for you. Also, most jobs will require you to sacrifice some weekends every now and then, some more than others, but it's also very possible to do stuff with a partner on a weekday regardless.

I would say, if you want to try on a new career path do so because you don't want to go on with you've been doing, you want a change or you've discovered a new passion you'd prefer, because every single career or job will have it's complications when it comes to making time for a serious partner.

 

[Someonewhotypes]

marry one of your colleagues. Solves yours and their problem
But no, really. How do you know your future partner won't be a very busy person with a hectic work schedule too?
It could happen. You work in healthcare. There are good chances you'll be meeting someone with an equally busy schedule and they'll be understading