Escaper Boy
累坏了...
- Apr 11, 2019
- 245
I woke up this morning to find my phone charger no longer functioning. I really like this charger. This "phone charger" is originally a PS Vita charger. I stopped playing Vita years ago so I just use the charger for my Android.
It has 1500 mA output, which is much bigger compare to my other cheap charger (only 500 mA). I have no choice but to switch to my crappy charger from now on.
This trivial event, for some reason reminded me of impermanence of things. I became sentimental all of the sudden. Nothing last forever. Everything is subjected to change. It's simply a universal law. I can't deny it. I can't ignore it. It's always there.
And I felt sad.
It was like 2 AM, my mind was wondering about this issue. I thought to myself, if nothing is permanent, technically I am able to change my circumstances. My life can turn into something better (or worst). The law of impermanence should apply to me just like anything else.
I considered the possibility, let's say 10 years in the future, after I choose to give life everything I got, I end up in that position we named "success". The holy grail. The pinnacle of existence. Whatever that is.
In such position, I will have the happiness, joy, fulfillment, and contentment that I desperately crave in the present moment. No more depression. No more browsing SS every night. No more people looking at me like a trash of society. No more feeling like a waste of space.
And then, I thought...
Would that be permanent? Can I hold my happiness forever in my tiny hands?
I'm sure the law of impermanence will still operate at that point. What goes up can go down. If people can go rags to riches, the reverse is also probable.
Someone might steal away all my money in the bank, and then I would become homeless in a flash.
My airplane might decide to crash while I'm traveling on vacation. Taking away all I have in a single strike.
My future son (if I have one) might end up bullied in school without my knowledge. And then I will find him lifeless by ctb in the morning, leaving me devastated and broken.
I might be "blessed" by some chronic disease at the top of my career. Leaving me crippled with a couple months left to live my remaining sorry existence.
I don't know if my mind is being delusional for thinking all of these. I am not even sure the point that I'm trying to make with this post. I am just venting, letting things and baggage out of my mind.
To all of you who read all of this, sorry for wasting your time. Thank you for letting random stranger's thought and feeling to reach your awareness. Most of all, thank you for listening.
It has 1500 mA output, which is much bigger compare to my other cheap charger (only 500 mA). I have no choice but to switch to my crappy charger from now on.
This trivial event, for some reason reminded me of impermanence of things. I became sentimental all of the sudden. Nothing last forever. Everything is subjected to change. It's simply a universal law. I can't deny it. I can't ignore it. It's always there.
And I felt sad.
It was like 2 AM, my mind was wondering about this issue. I thought to myself, if nothing is permanent, technically I am able to change my circumstances. My life can turn into something better (or worst). The law of impermanence should apply to me just like anything else.
I considered the possibility, let's say 10 years in the future, after I choose to give life everything I got, I end up in that position we named "success". The holy grail. The pinnacle of existence. Whatever that is.
In such position, I will have the happiness, joy, fulfillment, and contentment that I desperately crave in the present moment. No more depression. No more browsing SS every night. No more people looking at me like a trash of society. No more feeling like a waste of space.
And then, I thought...
Would that be permanent? Can I hold my happiness forever in my tiny hands?
I'm sure the law of impermanence will still operate at that point. What goes up can go down. If people can go rags to riches, the reverse is also probable.
Someone might steal away all my money in the bank, and then I would become homeless in a flash.
My airplane might decide to crash while I'm traveling on vacation. Taking away all I have in a single strike.
My future son (if I have one) might end up bullied in school without my knowledge. And then I will find him lifeless by ctb in the morning, leaving me devastated and broken.
I might be "blessed" by some chronic disease at the top of my career. Leaving me crippled with a couple months left to live my remaining sorry existence.
I don't know if my mind is being delusional for thinking all of these. I am not even sure the point that I'm trying to make with this post. I am just venting, letting things and baggage out of my mind.
To all of you who read all of this, sorry for wasting your time. Thank you for letting random stranger's thought and feeling to reach your awareness. Most of all, thank you for listening.
