G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
68
Why me?

Do I not deserve to be happy? Everyone I see seems so much better than me. Even if I tried, I could never compare. Was I born to suffer so that others could succeed? What did my 11-year-old self do to deserve being diagnosed with depression and OCPD? Why did I deserve to be bullied?

They said it gets better—that if life begins with pain, it ends with joy. But why am I still the same? Why am I still suffering from things I can't even fully remember? I tried so hard to forget, but the pain remains. Every hit I take, I feel myself breaking further. Is it making me stronger? It feels more like it's stripping away my faith in God.

But if not God, who can I call out to? I have no one who truly wants to listen to me. I'm left needing an imaginary, magical figure to give me hope. Am I even living, or am I just making excuses? I desperately want a better life, but I don't have the strength to get up this time. I just want everything to be okay—magically, effortlessly.

It's not that I'm not trying, but every effort I make seems to backfire. Everything I want or try to achieve leaves me with something worse. I feel trapped in an endless loop. Is death really the only way to escape it? Trying feels like part of the loop, and I don't know why I don't deserve to live like others—content with what they have, happy with their lives.

I wish some magical force could save me. My past was unbearable, my present feels empty, and I see no future ahead of me. I want to believe in something, but I've lost faith in hope itself.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: GoSan1
GoSan1

GoSan1

Misfit
Nov 7, 2024
122
Despair is a cruel thing, sorry you too are experiencing it... It doesn't get better, people lie, because they think that keeping someone alive is a good thing, even tho death could save them so much pain...

I hope everything goes well for us all in the end.
 
G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
68
Despair is a cruel thing, sorry you too are experiencing it... It doesn't get better, people lie, because they think that keeping someone alive is a good thing, even tho death could save them so much pain...

I hope everything goes well for us all in the end.
I hope too...just this time i am begging god to show up and save me but ik it won't happen can't help but feel delusional and stupid for even believing
 
GoSan1

GoSan1

Misfit
Nov 7, 2024
122
I hope too...just this time i am begging god to show up and save me but ik it won't happen can't help but feel delusional and stupid for even believing
Hey, I feel exactly the same. I'm losing all my faith and hope, if not already lost, so you're not alone. Not that it makes anything better, but we tried, and are simply broken now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: golgappa

Similar threads

socrates.
Replies
3
Views
139
Recovery
shrizoid
shrizoid
D
Replies
0
Views
67
Suicide Discussion
Doctors HATE them
D
A
Replies
9
Views
216
Suicide Discussion
hereornot
hereornot
Namelesa
Replies
3
Views
161
Suicide Discussion
Regen
R