Last time on here....need to apologize

[Sweet emotion]

Hi everyone. I know my behavior has been despicable for the past two weeks. And I understand if no one forgives me. But I want to apologize to each and every person that I hurt. Coming on a website where people have been nothing but wonderful and supportive and saying cruel things to them, well there is no excuse. I've never been so angry in my life with what has happened over the past two weeks and I said awful things that were totally uncalled for. I think I spent so much time on this site it drove me crazy. Even though my main problem is physical, I know what it's like to suffer from mental problems being that I have OCD, anxiety, and depression caused by the pain. I don't doubt anyone's suffering here whether it be physical, mental or both. I validate everyones pain. I've been hypocritical and insensitive. I always say that I would like for someone to walk around in my shoes and see if their thinking changes on my condition. I know what it's like for people and doctors to not believe you when you tell them something. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm ashamed of myself that I took my anger out on people that have their own problems and that are suffering themselves. This is supposed to be a safe place where we are able to share our feelings without any judgement and because I am in so much pain I judged others which isn't right. Everyone's pain is very real to them and I hated when others judged my pain. You can't see pain so there's no way of knowing what anyone is going through until you walk in their shoes. I just want to say I am thankful for the unbelievably kind people I've met on here that have remembered me more than my own family. You all know who you are. I know what it feels like to be a victim of life. I know what it's like to not want to feel anymore. I know what it's like to not want to exist. I k ow what it's like to not want to die but know that there's no hope in getting better. I k ow what it's like to have tried every treatment available and have nothing work. I honestly didn't mean a word of anything I said. It was an immature rant that no one deserved to have to listen to. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for the unecessary stress I caused everyone. I'm not going to be on here anymore. But I didn't want to go with people thinking I'm this cold hearted person with no compassion. Ive been thinking about you all for days but I couldn't find the right words. I truly wish each and every one of you peace whether that be death or rebuilding your life. I hope you are able to forgive me.

 

[Misanthrope]

I figured it was something like that. I have taken shit out on my own carer, misplaced anger. It does happen, pain can make us all bastards regardless of the source even if that is not our authentic self at work. It is big of you to apologise though. I really do wish you all the best Sweet Emotion, you were kind to many.

Peace.

 

[Heart of Ice]

Meh, I didn't think anything you said was so bad it needed its own apology. Good luck, whatever you do.

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

There is nothing to forgive you for in my opinion. You are in pain, I'm guessing a lot of pain, and everyone here knows that. I wish you well in whatever path you choose to take.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Meh, I didn't think anything you said was so bad it needed its own apology. Good luck, whatever you do.

Thank you, but I made people who are already in so much pain feel even worse and that isn't really the person that I am or ever meant to be. I upset a lot of people and I most definitely owe them an apology.

 

[LivingToLong]

As a rule, I'm not one to remember who said what, nor forum names etc.That said, I do recall a couple of, shall we say, insensitive remarks from you. But I get that and I'm not judgemental. I didn't/don't know your circumstances but I do know some people lash out when in pain. I do it myself sometimes so it would be hypocritical of me to slap down others for it.

The important thing is that you have acknowledged it and have apologised. That takes courage, not everyone is big enough to do that so top marks to you.

I'm reminded of something by this, something I often think of at those moments when I'm feeling the need to lash out. You know when young children are crying, when they are irritable and difficult? You know when adults say of them things like 'oh, they are just tired'? Well sometimes, in my angry moments, I wish that I was a child and I could cry to let it all out, and people would be accepting of that. Because sometimes things get too much for me and I'd love to be able to cry. But I can't. I'm an adult, and a man, and those two things make it difficult to cry. Fortunately, I'm not violent and don't hit things (or people) but the pain needs to go somewhere.

 

[Sweet emotion]

There is nothing to forgive you for in my opinion. You are in pain, I'm guessing a lot of pain, and everyone here knows that. I wish you well in whatever path you choose to take.

Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me. I wish you the same.

I figured it was something like that. I have taken shit out on my own carer, misplaced anger. It does happen, pain can make us all bastards regardless of the source even if that is not our authentic self at work. It is big of you to apologise though. I really do wish you all the best Sweet Emotion, you were kind to many.

Peace.

Thank you very much. Yes I misplaced my aggression at people who are already suffering so much and I'm very angry at myself about that. Before I die I wanted to help as many people as I could on this site but I think I let everything take over me and I didn't know what to do.

 

[LonelyLight]

Seriously takes a big person to be able to apologise. Let's all forgive and forget. I hope you are doing okay today

 

[Sweet emotion]

As a rule, I'm not one to remember who said what, nor forum names etc.That said, I do recall a couple of, shall we say, insensitive remarks from you. But I get that and I'm not judgemental. I didn't/don't know your circumstances but I do know some people lash out when in pain. I do it myself sometimes so it would be hypocritical of me to slap down others for it.

The important thing is that you have acknowledged it and have apologised. That takes courage, not everyone is big enough to do that so top marks to you.

I'm reminded of something by this, something I often think of at those moments when I'm feeling the need to lash out. You know when young children are crying, when they are irritable and difficult? You know when adults say of them things like 'oh, they are just tired'? Well sometimes, in my angry moments, I wish that I was a child and I could cry to let it all out, and people would be accepting of that. Because sometimes things get too much for me and I'd love to be able to cry. But I can't. I'm an adult, and a man, and those two things make it difficult to cry. Fortunately, I'm not violent and don't hit things (or people) but the pain needs to go somewhere.

Thank you for understanding. It truly means a great deal to me. All the best to you.

Seriously takes a big person to be able to apologise. Let's all forgive and forget. I hope you are doing okay today

Thank you. I'm not ok but I don't want to complain about it because I feel like I lost that right when I went in on everyone else. Wishing you peace.

There is nothing to forgive you for in my opinion. You are in pain, I'm guessing a lot of pain, and everyone here knows that. I wish you well in whatever path you choose to take.

Yes I am in a lot of pain. I'm tired and frustrated and scared. But I wish the best for everyone on this page.

 

[lymbo]

are you sure there ls absolutely nothyng that can help ypur payn, morhyne pathes, F pathes , what do doctors say, push them hard and say to them yf you cant control the paln you wyll commyt suycyde, somethymes doctors need to be pushed as they have tendencyes to dysmyss patyent who suffer, l thougnt USA had pretty advanced health care system

 

[Woodnote]

I'm proud of you for this. I don't know if you're leaving or just taking a break. But I hope you know you're still welcome here. I wish you well. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Life sucks]

Don't worry. We understand you and we are here for you to talk whenever you want. I wish you peace and no suffering. All the love and forgiveness for you. I understand how pain and conditions can make one angry. Don't worry, you wrote much posts and I'm sure many loved many of them, being active member means a lot to people here. Please don't leave if this is the reason. We understand you

*hugs*

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Nothing to forgive. I think people understand. If offense was caused you have apologised which is a huge thing to do. You have offered much support to people on here including myself. For that I'm grateful. You are angry I get that so am I. If anyone can understand that anger I'd hope it would be your fellow ss users.
I hope you still feel welcome here and stay. Pm me anytime.

 

[SawItOnce]

Everything about any of it is understandable.

Peace

 

[Fragile]

you are great, the good things you said outwheig anything "bad" that you think you've said, besids you were just venting and us here in this place know that pain can make us act different from our usual selves.

i'll always remember the kind, sweet side of you, the empathy and encouragement that you have shared with us is something that many of us are grateful for.

i hope that you find your peace, you truly deserve it.

maybe we'll meet in a better life, where pain and illnesses are not in the way of our desire to live, i can only hope that you get to such place.

 

[jgm63]

It's okay.
When you're going through a lot, sometimes you can't fully be the person you really are in truth.
You didn't say or do anything that bad or terrible.
I hope you stay on this site, you are always welcome.
I'm sure everyone will happily accept your apology.
And if you lose your cool again, it won't be the end of the world either, so don't beat yourself up....

We care about you and want you to stay on this site until you either get better or take the steps you need to bring your pain to an end....

 

[Girobatol]

It wasn't as bad. Dont leave we understand you. We'll miss you. So stay. Its like when you go manic in the ward. Its normal.

 

[WhiteDespair]

The only thing for which you need apologize is making me think of an Aerosmith song and not one of the superior ones...

 

[Sweet Release]

Hi everyone. I know my behavior has been despicable for the past two weeks. And I understand if no one forgives me. But I want to apologize to each and every person that I hurt. Coming on a website where people have been nothing but wonderful and supportive and saying cruel things to them, well there is no excuse. I've never been so angry in my life with what has happened over the past two weeks and I said awful things that were totally uncalled for. I think I spent so much time on this site it drove me crazy. Even though my main problem is physical, I know what it's like to suffer from mental problems being that I have OCD, anxiety, and depression caused by the pain. I don't doubt anyone's suffering here whether it be physical, mental or both. I validate everyones pain. I've been hypocritical and insensitive. I always say that I would like for someone to walk around in my shoes and see if their thinking changes on my condition. I know what it's like for people and doctors to not believe you when you tell them something. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm ashamed of myself that I took my anger out on people that have their own problems and that are suffering themselves. This is supposed to be a safe place where we are able to share our feelings without any judgement and because I am in so much pain I judged others which isn't right. Everyone's pain is very real to them and I hated when others judged my pain. You can't see pain so there's no way of knowing what anyone is going through until you walk in their shoes. I just want to say I am thankful for the unbelievably kind people I've met on here that have remembered me more than my own family. You all know who you are. I know what it feels like to be a victim of life. I know what it's like to not want to feel anymore. I know what it's like to not want to exist. I k ow what it's like to not want to die but know that there's no hope in getting better. I k ow what it's like to have tried every treatment available and have nothing work. I honestly didn't mean a word of anything I said. It was an immature rant that no one deserved to have to listen to. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for the unecessary stress I caused everyone. I'm not going to be on here anymore. But I didn't want to go with people thinking I'm this cold hearted person with no compassion. Ive been thinking about you all for days but I couldn't find the right words. I truly wish each and every one of you peace whether that be death or rebuilding your life. I hope you are able to forgive me.

We all make mistakes and say things we regret.
At least you were willing to admit when you were wrong so fair play!

 

[Sweet emotion]

are you sure there ls absolutely nothyng that can help ypur payn, morhyne pathes, F pathes , what do doctors say, push them hard and say to them yf you cant control the paln you wyll commyt suycyde, somethymes doctors need to be pushed as they have tendencyes to dysmyss patyent who suffer, l thougnt USA had pretty advanced health care system

Sweetie you don't understand bwhats going on in the USA right now with pain meds. And here is the anger coming out in me again. Only an idiot would tell a pain management doctor I'm going to kill myself if you don't give me more drugs. Please I appreciate you want to help but you know nothing about my condition. I've done everything. Been on everything. The doctors can't do anything if scientists aren't taking new discoveries on my condition.

are you sure there ls absolutely nothyng that can help ypur payn, morhyne pathes, F pathes , what do doctors say, push them hard and say to them yf you cant control the paln you wyll commyt suycyde, somethymes doctors need to be pushed as they have tendencyes to dysmyss patyent who suffer, l thougnt USA had pretty advanced health care system

to
Sweetie you don't understand whats going on in the USA right now with pain meds. And here is the anger coming out in me again. Only an idiot would tell a pain management doctor I'm going to kill myself if you don't give me more drugs. Please I appreciate you want to help but you know nothing about my condition. I've done everything. Been on everything. The doctors can't do anything if scientists aren't taking new discoveries on my condition. I've tried everything you said as the patches go. Can you just believe me that I know what Im talking about? That would help a lot.

The only thing for which you need apologize is making me think of an Aerosmith song and not one of the superior ones...

LMAO....I love Aerosmith haha and I love sweet emotion. That song is like good sex. It's starts off slow and at the end it just gets wild and free and crazy and kaboom!

 

[Stan]

Anyone here who has not committed a sin, cast the first stone!. It's ok @Sweet emotion , you are amongst sinners. You did a good and hard thing as people have said before here by putting your hands up and saying sorry. Takes strength to do that

 

[lymbo]

sorry to hear, hope you flnd peace