Help Last stretch questions

[oryx]

Hi all,

Apologies if this is a long post, I'm new here after some months of stumbling across this forum a few times. I found myself reading more and more so it feels the right time to make an account and ask my own questions - the vast majority of what I have seen reading forums in this community seems kind and helpful, so I'm grateful in advance.

I have a few questions relating to CTB, preparations and leaving notes etc. I'm not sure if its customary to ask multiple questions like this here or more specific and focussed questions, like I said I'm fairly new so if that's the case let me know.

The method I have been set on for some time is partial suspension hanging. The first time I gave any kind of real thought into planning how I would CTB after reading all the stuff on exit bags floating round the internet etc was partial suspension hanging. I have told doctors etc this has been my plan but as hanging is fairly common they didn't probe for specifics at the time and luckily I haven't been sectioned in the past for admitting to having plans. After a few days of pondering and reading the forums, I toyed with the idea of SN for a while but it seems complicated to get hold of everything in a timely manner or even at all. I'm now considering both the "night-night method" with a tree ratchet as described on the mega thread and using socks, small cushions etc (I'm not 100% sure yet). Alternatively, I'll just buy a rope/ligature of some kind and go for partial suspension. I'm hoping to not struggle too much in positioning of the rope etc as I have a medical background so know my way around the vessels of the neck pretty well, including how to find the carotid arteries. I'm planning on being in a hotel room, drinking beforehand to lower inhibitions (although I could probably do it sober) and to be considerate to the staff in the hotel I'm planning on sending a delayed email to the hotel on the morning of my supposed check out to warn them and advise they contact the Police. One of the main reasons I'm not CTB in my house is because I live with other people and don't want to put the burden of someone unsuspecting finding me, this extends to any hotel staff. So I have my method(s), an overall plan, I won't be disturbed etc, I'm just wondering if there's anything else I should be wary of or think about beforehand? Anyone who has tried either method and has failed, I'd appreciate any flaws you identified in your method.

Now, some other advice I'm needing is in terms of the practical stuff. I'm planning on sorting out my room and packing it into boxes over the next few days. I don't live at home and don't want to place the responsibility on friends/family to pick up the pieces anymore so than needed. My financial affairs are in order for the most part, I just have some loose ends to tie up but nothing major. Again, if anyone has any advice on what to consider before I CTB that would be appreciated. I'm also struggling with the thought of letters or notes. I know I want to explain, but I'm unsure how. The thing that bothers me the most is I don't want to leave anyone feeling guilty after reading my reasoning. Does anyone have any advice on how to get across that CTB was what they wanted, and why, but without causing unnecessary guilt and upset to their loved ones. I also have few close friends left, but a wider group of "friends" who I know will have a lot of questions. I have considered leaving a note to 2 family members, an ex-girlfriend and then one to my "friends" as a general note, so as to alleviate the possibility of rumours and people probing my family after the time has come. Any advice at all on any of this would be very welcomed. Any flaws anyone can notice, or any improvements. It all seems quite well thought out and rational to me, but I wanted to open it up to new perspectives just in case.

Thank you all in advance for reading and for any suggestions that might follow.

 

[MissNietzsche]

You could post it online..if you wanted to prevent "rumors"

 

[oryx]

You could post it online..if you wanted to prevent "rumors"

Thanks for your reply. When I say rumours I guess I just mean I'd prefer people to hear it as I see it if that makes sense. I hadn't considered online. It raises the question of how and when to post with a delay etc, and also what the implications would be if something went wrong. Getting up off the floor and picking up some notes and shredding them is a lot easier than getting something down from online, just a thought (and obviously hoping things don't go wrong, just planning for as many outcomes as possible). I also don't want to make any kind of fuss, I don't have too many friends so I'm hoping the news of my CTB will blow over fairly quickly anyway.

 

[SoupSnakes]

I'm sorry to disappoint you but no matter what you leave in your notes, it won't make it any better for anyone. They're still going to feel awful, guilty and upset.

I think the email idea is a good idea, I'd probably go with a small note on the door for whomever would come into the room incase for whatever reason the email fails to send.

You mention you chose not to go for SN as it's unachievable to get however, it's actually very easy. You'd have everything you need within 3 weeks.

 

[oryx]

I'm sorry to disappoint you but no matter what you leave in your notes, it won't make it any better for anyone. They're still going to feel awful, guilty and upset.

I think the email idea is a good idea, I'd probably go with a small note on the door for whomever would come into the room incase for whatever reason the email fails to send.

You mention you chose not to go for SN as it's unachievable to get however, it's actually very easy. You'd have everything you need within 3 weeks.

Thanks for replying. You're right, having been bereaved (albeit not by suicide) I know it's tough on family. Just grasping at straws to try and soften the blow in whatever way possible, but yeah I agree it's inevitable. As for the note on the door, noted.

I'm in the UK and from the bit of research I've done SN seems viable to get (although some of the common sources I have seen listed here don't appear to sell to the general public without restrictions such as age, use, licence etc), but I've struggled with metoclopramide and an antacid. I'm not sure I personally see the benefits of SN over partial suspension after reading accounts of other users. Obviously for everyone it's different, and I can see the pros of SN. However, if when I go to buy the rope I decide hanging isn't the way, it is reassuring to know I could get what's required for the SN method within a few weeks.

 

[SoupSnakes]

Thanks for replying. You're right, having been bereaved (albeit not by suicide) I know it's tough on family. Just grasping at straws to try and soften the blow in whatever way possible, but yeah I agree it's inevitable. As for the note on the door, noted.

I'm in the UK and from the bit of research I've done SN seems viable to get (although some of the common sources I have seen listed here don't appear to sell to the general public without restrictions such as age, use, licence etc), but I've struggled with metoclopramide and an antacid. I'm not sure I personally see the benefits of SN over partial suspension after reading accounts of other users. Obviously for everyone it's different, and I can see the pros of SN. However, if when I go to buy the rope I decide hanging isn't the way, it is reassuring to know I could get what's required for the SN method within a few weeks.

If you decide to go for SN, hit me up with a PM when you're able to and I'll tell you where to get everything, it's ridiculously easy to get when you know how.

 

[ObsessiveCompulsive]

What I'm doing is posting mine on Tumblr, the Tumblr is linked to my Facebook (on the profile itself - you can add social links when editing the profile) I'm using online webmail (boomerang with gmail) to email a password for the Tumblr account to my friends to be deleted, the email will be sent a week after giving my former acquaintances a week to see it, the Facebook name just has my first name with middle name initials as my last, people will still be able to see it because of mutual friends, I block anyone I don't want to see it.

I'm doing this for rumors as well, because of my past drug addictions people may think it involved drugs, when I haven't done them now in years, also to direct anger at a few who tried to destroy me.

 

[oryx]

If you decide to go for SN, hit me up with a PM when you're able to and I'll tell you where to get everything, it's ridiculously easy to get when you know how.

Thank you for the kindness, I will definitely keep that in mind.

What I'm doing is posting mine on Tumblr, the Tumblr is linked to my Facebook (on the profile itself - you can add social links when editing the profile) I'm using online webmail (boomerang with gmail) to email a password for the Tumblr account to my friends to be deleted, the email will be sent a week after giving my former acquaintances a week to see it, the Facebook name just has my first name with middle name initials as my last, people will still be able to see it because of mutual friends, I block anyone I don't want to see it.

I'm doing this for rumors as well, because of my past drug addictions people may think it involved drugs, when I haven't done them now in years, also to direct anger at a few who tried to destroy me.

Thanks for your reply. I did think of doing something password protected but wasn't sure of the best way, I'll look into some options like this. Hope you find peace.

 

[MissNietzsche]

You can make a website and set your Facebook to have a scheduled day to post the link. If you somehow fail, you can cancel the scheduled post.

 

[ObsessiveCompulsive]

Thanks for your reply. I did think of doing something password protected but wasn't sure of the best way, I'll look into some options like this. Hope you find peace.

Hope you find peace as well.

You can make a website and set your Facebook to have a scheduled day to post the link. If you somehow fail, you can cancel the scheduled post.

Didn't know that, thank you!

 

[Moonicide]

I was battling with the notes as well, luckily I made a good friend here that is willing to help me with my final wishes and will send my goodbye letters out once I'm gone. The thing is, no matter what you write in the letter, it's going to hurt... But a letter would help in the sense that one day they will understand, even if it takes a while. They will get there eventually. A note can bring some sort of closure and comfort for those you're leaving behind... I wrote a goodbye letter for my mother, boyfriend, my friends. I also made a separate letter explaining why for everyone to read, to not blame themselves and not follow my footsteps, etc. I can only hope this helps. This is the only thing that hurts, that I will be giving everyone a box of darkness they will carry for the rest of their lives... But I can't keep living like this. I've spent most of my years living for others, never for myself.

 

[oryx]

I was battling with the notes as well, luckily I made a good friend here that is willing to help me with my final wishes and will send my goodbye letters out once I'm gone. The thing is, no matter what you write in the letter, it's going to hurt... But a letter would help in the sense that one day they will understand, even if it takes a while. They will get there eventually. A note can bring some sort of closure and comfort for those you're leaving behind... I wrote a goodbye letter for my mother, boyfriend, my friends. I also made a separate letter explaining why for everyone to read, to not blame themselves and not follow my footsteps, etc. I can only hope this helps. This is the only thing that hurts, that I will be giving everyone a box of darkness they will carry for the rest of their lives... But I can't keep living like this. I've spent most of my years living for others, never for myself.

Hi, thank you for replying. I'm glad you've found a friend here who can help you out with your letters, that at least takes some of the weight off your shoulders in terms of making sure they get them. I'm planning on going along the same route, a few tailored and specific letters and then one for everyone to read covering a lot of the same points you've touched on. Feeling like you've spent a lot of your life living for others is something I can relate to also and I think living for others is a big reason I have not CTB as of yet. I hope you find peace.