Venting Lack of Sympathy

[hiddenbpd]

I've had a rough life. I've been seriously considering ctb within the last year (although I've flirted with it for most of my life). It feels like my life has gotten to the point where more years will not matter. I don't care if anything positive will happen, I don't care to see it.
Despite years of suicidal thoughts and desires to ctb, this year I'm finally moving towards serious planning, I want to buy SN and the other meds I need for the protocol. My problem is, no one around me understands. I keep getting the stupid pro-life arguments and I'm shut down when I talk about methods, no one will acknowledge that I'm in enough pain to legitimately do it. Which I guess is ideal because they won't try to stop me. I just have to ignore their pro-life statements in the meantime. Hence why I, like many other people, find solace here

 

[flightless bird]

SS has to be the sanest community I've ever come across, everyone here is fully conscious of the world we're living in. I don't even communicate with "normal" people anymore, I don't want to.

I'm so sorry for your sufferings, I hope everything works out for you.

 

[hiddenbpd]

SS has to be the sanest community I've ever come across, everyone here is fully conscious of the world we're living in. I don't even communicate with "normal" people anymore, I don't want to.

Yessss! A million times over yes.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Speaking in a strictly biological, non-judgmental sense, one has to be pretty broken to be where most of us are, and I think this is why the average person responds the way they do. Just like you can't imagine the feeling of being cut or burned if neither has ever happened to you, people can't fathom the reality of feeling so much suffering you want to snuff out your own existence.

Even then, there are levels to it - few months back I partially opened up to someone I considered one of the closest people to me, one for whom I'd previously decided I wouldn't ctb due to the pain it'd cause, respond with a shockingly minor amount of sympathy and an overall "that's too bad" reaction. This is someone with whom I shared the loss of another very close friend (to suicide no less) and who previously felt their own desire to escape unfortunate circumstances with death...though I think it was pretty fleeting.

Unfortunately no one can understand our own pain like we can. Maybe there is someone theoretically out there who can understand as close as humanly possible, but even if you met someone who had somehow experienced a basically identical life history, they would still have a different bio/neurochemistry and wouldn't necessarily have taken everything the same way you did. I think this is one of the great longings of any human being; to be understood. Sadly the shattered among us are more and more complex and this becomes all the more difficult, which I think can exacerbate both our actual and perceived sense of loneliness and isolation from others. But as you say, even I feel bad about the notion of leaving people close to me behind - to be caught in the miserable middle of this basic human desire to connect and the impossibility of doing so...it's pretty agonizing.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

Speaking in a strictly biological, non-judgmental sense, one has to be pretty broken to be where most of us are, and I think this is why the average person responds the way they do. Just like you can't imagine the feeling of being cut or burned if neither has ever happened to you, people can't fathom the reality of feeling so much suffering you want to snuff out your own existence.
........

I think even though they might not know exactly how you feel they should be able to be compassionate and empathic its just that most people in this world are self centered assholes. I honestly I would never dream of responding to people in pain the way some of this dicks do. If there was a button to push to just kill all the assholes who treat other people like shit just for existing or feeling down then the world could become a place worth living in.

 

[leeloosnow]

Concur with ppl who haven't felt pain on our level being incapable of knowing. Most ppl are so self absorbed and paradoxically barely self aware , their responses translate as callous, flippant, insensitive to us. Makes me curious about how others perceive the responses I give them. This brutal reality of ours is admittedly scary, so I understand why ppl shut down rather than engage the Convo. and, society teaches ppl to be this way. That it's taboo, don't touch it you might catch it so, they either need personal experience or an overwhelming amount of insight and compassion
That's assuming the observer has any level of decency. There's a second brand of ppl ready to take advantage of the vulnerable. For amusement, for their personal gain in some sick form. Those are the ones that really bother me. Considering the idea of a "magic button" to make them all drop dead, sure it's appealing. I think I've even had that discussion irl with an exceptional friend years ago. What would the world be like if no douchebags existed? Much kinder, probably, more resources to go around, definitely. But if I pushed that button to make people's father's, daughters, friends or lovers drop dead, thereby causing them pain and suffering, then wouldn't I be a douchebag too and someone would have to push a button for me? Then we'd all sit here pushing buttons until there's only one human left? Wonder what kinda person that last guy would be
And, that leads me back to the concept of humans being flawed by nature. Good people make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes cause others distress. Bad people... Hm, I'm sure most humans have done a single decent thing in their life, maybe not much but I bet everyone has made someone's day better. So, practicing the example of kindness would be the best way to deal with it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that personally it's best to not talk about suicide with those who could never understand in any way. Unfortunately we live in a world where so many people don't respect the right to die and don't want to accept the fact that for some people life is simply not worth living. It's so invalidating for people to say pro life things in response to someone suffering.

Anything pro life to me is irritating. I personally see no value in enduring existence and no benefit to suffering, but after all we all experience life differently and others cannot see things from our point of view. I think that a lot of pro life type people are deluded, they must be in order to never see suicide as an acceptable option. It would be different if something happened to them to make them want to leave this world. After all, we are all human and I believe that there is only so much that we can cope with in life before we become desperate to leave.

 

[makethepainstop]

Normals just cannot understand or even sympathize with our pain. When we try to talk about it we make them very uncomfortable. Yet here on this one site in the known universe for suicide discussion, we may find some small measure of comfort. Comfort that is denied to people like us in the real world. Much love to all here!

 

[hiddenbpd]

I think that personally it's best to not talk about suicide with those who could never understand in any way. Unfortunately we live in a world where so many people don't respect the right to die and don't want to accept the fact that for some people life is simply not worth living. It's so invalidating for people to say pro life things in response to someone suffering.

Anything pro life to me is irritating. I personally see no value in enduring existence and no benefit to suffering, but after all we all experience life differently and others cannot see things from our point of view. I think that a lot of pro life type people are deluded, they must be in order to never see suicide as an acceptable option. It would be different if something happened to them to make them want to leave this world. After all, we are all human and I believe that there is only so much that we can cope with in life before we become desperate to leave.

Absolutely. For some people, their life may get better, but for a lot of people, it won't. They are stuck in constant suffering that will never go away no matter how hard they try. Some of the pro-lifers are because they have lived experience and for them it got better, so they believe everyone can get better too, but those who have never felt that way and label suicide as wrong, bother me a lot. I still don't accept pro-life propaganda, it doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me feel bad for wanting to end my suffering; that I should endure only for everyone else. I think the main point I've learned from this forum, is that it's someone's personal choice on how they want to live (or not live) their life. For those who want help, absolutely they should get it, but for others that have made up their mind, just leave us alone.