Help Lack of guts to KMS

[WornOutLife]

Hi all! I'm new here and I'm glad I found this website. Lots of interesting info and experiences.

So, here's the thing. I think about suicide everyday. I'm 100% sure I don't want to live anymore but... I DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO KILL MYSELF.

What can I do? I have no access to drugs and alcohol just makes me happy and dizzy.

I've tried hanging myself but I always chicken out when I feel pain in my neck or can't breathe.

Needless to say that I couldn't possibly jump off a cliff/building.

Any ideas to get these guts I need so much?

 

[Dakota]

I don't know what to tell you, but I think the only truly way to die by your own hands is to have nothing left to lose. Absolute rock bottom I would assume.

 

[WornOutLife]

I don't know what to tell you, but I think the only truly way to die by your own hands is to have nothing left to lose. Absolute rock bottom I would assume.

Yeah. They say those who commit suicide are just so determined to do it that they jusy do and cope with all it involves. I just hate pain but I can't even get pills so as to have a peaceful death (or not)

 

[Dakota]

Yeah. They say those who commit suicide are just so determined to do it that they jusy do and cope with all it involves. I just hate pain but I can't even get pills so as to have a peaceful death (or not)

I think in a sense the people who accomplished the goal of suicide were able to do so because nothing was holding them back. No will to stay here, Nobody to stick around for, and truly not wanting to wake to see another day.

 

[CatchTheBus]

Even with guts it's hard to succeed. I've tried to kill myself so many times and I have failed each and every time. Pills just made me nauseated and I always would wake up. Cutting was never deep enough and I couldn't keep enough alcohol down to die of alcohol poisoning. Trying to drown myself in a lake was impossible because my natural survival instinct would always kick in. I'm going to try SN...if that doesn't work I'm going to have to go to the GG bridge and jump...that's my last resort at this point.
Getting the guts can be hard, it takes a lot to push yourself to the point of following through. I think when the time is right all reservations go out the window and it becomes almost an instinct to follow through.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Even with guts it's hard to succeed. I've tried to kill myself so many times and I have failed each and every time. Pills just made me nauseated and I always would wake up. Cutting was never deep enough and I couldn't keep enough alcohol down to die of alcohol poisoning. Trying to drown myself in a lake was impossible because my natural survival instinct would always kick in. I'm going to try SN...if that doesn't work I'm going to have to go to the GG bridge and jump...that's my last resort at this point.
Getting the guts can be hard, it takes a lot to push yourself to the point of following through. I think when the time is right all reservations go out the window and it becomes almost an instinct to follow through.

You in Cali then? I'm surprised you have so much strength to do it, I'm impressed (: I'm going to do SN too and I'm hoping with all my might I succeed.

 

[CatchTheBus]

You in Cali then? I'm surprised you have so much strength to do it, I'm impressed (: I'm going to do SN too and I'm hoping with all my might I succeed.

My fiancé is there and I visit often. I love that bridge and think it'd be the best way to go when all else fails.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Im deadass making 200 km to try to jump off my favourite bridge and always fail ;___;
Im so gutless, I hate it. I dont want this life

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

It's not your time. Some part of you, some teeny tiny bit of you, still wants to give living a chance.

The weird thing is that not wanting to live is not the same as wanting to be dead. You can want the pain to stop, feel harassed and persecuted beyond rational belief, or have given up all hope that anything good will ever happen. Doesn't mean you can ctb.

If you were ready to go, nothing would stop you. Nothing.

The question now is to find what is keeping you here and really examine it. If you decide it's not that important, the difficulty may fall away. If it's something you can't imagine leaving - for any reason - you'll either have to find a way to alter your consciousness enough to ctb anyway or a way to live.

You can always talk to us. We're friendly, and we're good listeners.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I disagree. I have truly NO HOPE, have debilitating ear pain and sound sensitivity + really bad depression, to the point of not eating, not drinking, crying all day every day, spent the last 3,5 months in psych ward, have panic attacks and flashbacks so bad I cant breathe... I truly want to die, it doesnt get better, only worse. But I CANT. Somehow death , and nonexistence, is more terrifying to me

 

[yetme]

I disagree. I have truly NO HOPE, have debilitating ear pain and sound sensitivity + really bad depression, to the point of not eating, not drinking, crying all day every day, spent the last 3,5 months in psych ward, have panic attacks and flashbacks so bad I cant breathe... I truly want to die, it doesnt get better, only worse. But I CANT. Somehow death , and nonexistence, is more terrifying to me

I feel you. I have one faied attempt with exit bag method. Just couldnt do it. The hissing and the plastic bad over my head just terrified me