Help kinda need someone to talk to

[Nyx𓂀]

I am abt to 'run away' from my home (not really run bc everyone is asleep rn). I planning on leaving now and ctb soon. it is guaranteed that I have to leave tonight I just need to like do it.
my brain can't stop from going through a million things that might happen after I do. I would just like to talk to someone abt this.

 

[uselessman]

Hi, what would you like to talk about?

 

[cosmic_traveler]

We're here for you. What's on your mind?

 

[Nyx𓂀]

well I can't ctb here. I know that much. and I have currently fucked up my life in so many ways that it's convenient that I'm planning on doing it soon.
I feel like it will affect my family worse than I originally thought. I have waited ages to like get the right time but I realise that that doesn't exist so now is ok. I am also not dealing with life tomorrow so leaving now also helps.
also my mother will most likely freak out that I'm gone. idk when either when i leave or in the morning when im not here. then she'll prob call cops or whatever and then idk what to do. they also know I'm suicidal so yeah
also thank you for talking to me :)
let's say that the cops get called when I leave. what will they do?? I don't have location on so idk if I could be like found. I know this area well and can run well but i broke my foot a couple weeks ago so can't rely on that. also could I talk my way out of being detained by them if I lie? (we have a mental health act here so they can if they want to)

 

[cosmic_traveler]

well I can't ctb here. I know that much. and I have currently fucked up my life in so many ways that it's convenient that I'm planning on doing it soon.
I feel like it will affect my family worse than I originally thought. I have waited ages to like get the right time but I realise that that doesn't exist so now is ok. I am also not dealing with life tomorrow so leaving now also helps.
also my mother will most likely freak out that I'm gone. idk when either when i leave or in the morning when im not here. then she'll prob call cops or whatever and then idk what to do. they also know I'm suicidal so yeah
also thank you for talking to me :)
let's say that the cops get called when I leave. what will they do?? I don't have location on so idk if I could be like found. I know this area well and can run well but i broke my foot a couple weeks ago so can't rely on that. also could I talk my way out of being detained by them if I lie? (we have a mental health act here so they can if they want to)

You sound frustrated, scared, and angry. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'm not going to understand your circumstances but I can sympathize with your emotions. Trying to run on a broken foot sounds complicated and the police will always act on the side of caution.

If your desire is to CTB I can only recommend you take a look at the resources here. It will affect everyone around you of course, but like all things in life, everything is temporary. We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

 

[Nyx𓂀]

You sound frustrated, scared, and angry. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'm not going to understand your circumstances but I can sympathize with your emotions. Trying to run on a broken foot sounds complicated and the police will always act on the side of caution.

If your desire is to CTB I can only recommend you take a look at the resources here. It will affect everyone around you of course, but like all things in life, everything is temporary. We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

thank you for listening, I've been here a while (second acc) and know my method which does also mean I have to leave. I just hate surprises and not knowing what will happen. I'm usually pretty good with finding every possible scenario but I just can't now, theres way too many unknowns and loose ends. I've been sitting here thinking for 5 hours now. fuck me.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

thank you for listening, I've been here a while (second acc) and know my method which does also mean I have to leave. I just hate surprises and not knowing what will happen. I'm usually pretty good with finding every possible scenario but I just can't now, theres way too many unknowns and loose ends. I've been sitting here thinking for 5 hours now. fuck me.

Dying is a lot like life, it's fucking hard. It's impossible to know every variable that might come your way. The best we can do, is what we can with what we have. Is your plan to CTB today?

 

[Nyx𓂀]

Is your plan to CTB today?

nah most likely tomorrow or the next day. it's already 4am here so like 1am ish tomorrow I think prob

 

[uselessman]

Wow, this is a tough one to respond to, it sounds like there is something happening tomorrow that you wish to avoid, do you want to share that? I don't know if it matters to be honest. What does matter is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing. We all want to CTB here, but I think we all want to do it smartly. Not rushed. Since I don't know what tomorrow holds for you all I really feel I can recommend is stand up for what you want.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

nah most likely tomorrow or the next day. it's already 4am here so like 1am ish tomorrow I think prob

My inbox is open if you like to discuss anything as well. Otherwise, sharing your pain is always healthy. You're identifying something that's detrimental, taking it from your thoughts and putting it in writing. You'll never be able to fully remove those thoughts, but they do become easier the more they are released. We hope you find the peace you seek.

 

[Nyx𓂀]

something happening tomorrow that you wish to avoid, do you want to share that?

idk if your asking if I'm ctb tomorrow which yeah is the plan or my method, which is jumping and I see the irony but that's a different line of reasoning to me so that should be fine.

We all want to CTB here, but I think we all want to do it smartly. Not rushed

my last 2 attempts didn't work with many weeks of planning and everything each time and I've spent a week planning this one (i just forgot this part), so I'll say that I'm not rushed.

My inbox is open if you like to discuss anything as well.

thank you

 

[uselessman]

Thanks, I think I misunderstood when you said "you're not dealing with life tomorrow" I thought there might be something specific to tomorrow, my apologies.

 

[thetruetato]

I am abt to 'run away' from my home (not really run bc everyone is asleep rn). I planning on leaving now and ctb soon. it is guaranteed that I have to leave tonight I just need to like do it.
my brain can't stop from going through a million things that might happen after I do. I would just like to talk to someone abt this.

What exactly are you planning on doing once you leave?

 

[Nyx𓂀]

well for anyone interested I left.

What exactly are you planning on doing once you leave?

idk. I just walking rn

 

[indosoon]

What can I do for you?

 

[Raindancer]

Do you have somewhere to go, to be safe?

 

[Nyx𓂀]

well fuck. fuck fuck fuck.
i was sitting in a park bc I had just ran for a bit (would not recommend running on a broken foot to anyone thinking about it lmao) and I don't even know how but some cop car stopped on the side of the road and they just walked up to me, no clue how they saw me bc i didn't think I was visible from the road but yeah. long story short I'm not being 'voluntarily' (i was legit forced to say yes to going) admitted to the a ward again and I'll be going there now. fuck me.
I'll make a post detailing what happened later for anyone that's interested but thankyou all for your kindness

 

[cosmic_traveler]

well fuck. fuck fuck fuck.
i was sitting in a park bc I had just ran for a bit (would not recommend running on a broken foot to anyone thinking about it lmao) and I don't even know how but some cop car stopped on the side of the road and they just walked up to me, no clue how they saw me bc i didn't think I was visible from the road but yeah. long story short I'm not being 'voluntarily' (i was legit forced to say yes to going) admitted to the a ward again and I'll be going there now. fuck me.
I'll make a post detailing what happened later for anyone that's interested but thankyou all for your kindness

Big hugs. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you were hoping.