Chaoticbpd

Chaoticbpd

Member
Feb 11, 2020
13
What are people's thoughts on keeping a diary/journal. I've never been able to keep one due to the people around me reading it when I'm not aware but for the first time in my life I am completely alone and I could write in a diary daily risk free. Any diary's I've kept in the past have obviously been full of my thoughts about leaving this world and because the people around me kept reading it when I wasn't there it meant they went into total anti suicide rant/intervention mode. It could also be a good place to note down any plans and keep them in one place if I do decide to ctb
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pisceslilith and charlottewilts
Dead beat dad

Dead beat dad

Enlightened
Mar 5, 2019
1,030
What are people's thoughts on keeping a diary/journal. I've never been able to keep one due to the people around me reading it when I'm not aware but for the first time in my life I am completely alone and I could write in a diary daily risk free. Any diary's I've kept in the past have obviously been full of my thoughts about leaving this world and because the people around me kept reading it when I wasn't there it meant they went into total anti suicide rant/intervention mode. It could also be a good place to note down any plans and keep them in one place if I do decide to ctb
Hi friend, I used to be an avid diary writer all through my late teens and 20's.
I found it a place to vent, to take stock etc

But...
I also found that once you've committed something to paper you have to manage it some way. An ex read my diary and even though she meant well it caused me a lot of harm and awoke something very dark in me.
Bit like talking about your feelings one's the box is open you can't close it again.

Why not give it a go and see how you feel, just in my experience be careful where and how you do it!.
Good luck friend
DBD
 
  • Like
Reactions: Quarky00, MysticPerception and Chaoticbpd
Quarky00

Quarky00

Enlightened
Dec 17, 2019
1,956
I'm an ardent and meticulous diary writer for 20 years now. I use it to document events, lists of things to do, future plans, reminders and schedule -- as well as my thoughts. It really helps me make sense in the mess (outside and inside my mind). It also allows you to reflect and be thoughtful, take a pause and feel things. It also allows you to have a conversation with yourself, a dialogue, hearing all you voices and *accepting* and *processing* them -- which is crucial (I view everything as trauma haha). It's extremely therapeutic, though most patients can't keep up with it , sadly .

Writing is much superior to talking in that it forces you to frame things in an orderly fashion. You can go back one paragraph or page thus creating a better cohesive narrative (focus and understand yourself). You can also do 'consciousness writing' which is simply to "vomit" everything relentlessly, without censoring or thought at all (!) - very usefull.

Handwriting is much superior to typing. Rather than merely "symbolic" or "meaningful" or "personal" issue -- it is a cognitive hack. Drawing the letters on a hard copy embeds everything in your mind. In a way that typing cannot achieve.

It is one of the most helpful things one can do for their wellbeing. BETTER THAN THERAPY :smiling:

It's like studying, in school, when you summarised everything? You write once or twice and kinda understand stuff? Not perfectly but have the general idea. Same with diary. You don't need to re-read what you wrote, it 'accumulates' in your mind with little effort.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Eridanos, Iloveyouall, Ame and 2 others
Sour

Sour

sweet
Feb 12, 2020
28
I write often. I have one for daily journal entry, one for miscellaneous thought, one for poetry... so on. They can be really helpful. I'm sorry your privacy has been invaded like that before. I hope you can find some comfort in the use of one moving forward
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd and Quarky00
Grandexit

Grandexit

Experienced
Dec 4, 2019
200
What are people's thoughts on keeping a diary/journal. I've never been able to keep one due to the people around me reading it when I'm not aware but for the first time in my life I am completely alone and I could write in a diary daily risk free. Any diary's I've kept in the past have obviously been full of my thoughts about leaving this world and because the people around me kept reading it when I wasn't there it meant they went into total anti suicide rant/intervention mode. It could also be a good place to note down any plans and keep them in one place if I do decide to ctb
Do it. It only costs the price of a notebook. It could be an important tool in gaining a wider perspective. I don't know about you, but my memory has turned to sh*t with depression and stress. If you don't like journaling, a quick fire or shred, and it's over. You can tape the notebook in a pouch on the underside of a drawer. Get creative!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd and Quarky00
highlyvolatile

highlyvolatile

I don't know anymore.
Feb 14, 2020
278
I journal quite frequently. Lately its been mostly about to help get out the things I cant say. But I have been journaling for years. I used to have a physical journal, but after a while I switched to a digital format. I'd be ashamed if anyone read it though. I have several entries about my ex, my family and everything. I dont think i would want anyone seeing that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd and Quarky00
Chaoticbpd

Chaoticbpd

Member
Feb 11, 2020
13
I write often. I have one for daily journal entry, one for miscellaneous thought, one for poetry... so on. They can be really helpful. I'm sorry your privacy has been invaded like that before. I hope you can find some comfort in the use of one moving forward
Thankyou I suppose it's bittersweet that I have no one around me to invade my privacy
 
charlottewilts

charlottewilts

read Dostoyevsky
Jun 15, 2019
494
hi fellow BPD suferrer. i'm sorry you're here too.

i have phases where i'll journal obsessively and phases where i dunk them out (or delete the data)

right now i'm using an app to document my thoughts, and i suppose it sort of helps. it's much easier to hide than physical ones too, since it's locked twicefold; through my lockscreen and then through a password you need to enter to open the app.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: Rome Horseman, Quarky00 and Chaoticbpd
Chaoticbpd

Chaoticbpd

Member
Feb 11, 2020
13
hi fellow BPD suferrer. i'm sorry you're here too.

i have phases where i'll journal obsessively and phases where i dunk them out (or delete the data)

right now i'm using an app to document my thoughts, and i suppose it sort of helps. it's much easier to hide than physical ones too, since it's locked twicefold; through my lockscreen and then through a password you need to enter to open the app.
Hi, I have tried apps in the past but I seem to forget about them and they just sit there. Since my partner left me and I am on my own I can go days without having a conversation with anyone so I'm finding keeping a journal a way to get everything out of my head. I suppose my only real concern is my family finding it after I decide to CTB or if I try to CTB and I'm unsuccessful
 
  • Like
Reactions: Quarky00 and charlottewilts
O

Otter

Experienced
Feb 10, 2020
263
hi fellow BPD suferrer. i'm sorry you're here too.

i have phases where i'll journal obsessively and phases where i dunk them out (or delete the data)

right now i'm using an app to document my thoughts, and i suppose it sort of helps. it's much easier to hide than physical ones too, since it's locked twicefold; through my lockscreen and then through a password you need to enter to open the app.
hand write it and then take a photo of it to upload somewhere safe, then destroy the paper and delete the photo
 
  • Like
Reactions: Quarky00 and Chaoticbpd
Quarky00

Quarky00

Enlightened
Dec 17, 2019
1,956
I had similar experience with apps , and using google docs , it just doesn't stick ..

I add important stuff (shopping list phone numbers) to diary so I have to carry it with me and use it all the time -- that way I'm "forced" to write journal/thoughts . Reminded rather than forced .. Just very accessible and 'there' all the time , and part of my day .

And yeah it's a bit funny going to an innocent meeting with some mundane list , knowing on the other side of the page there's a suicide note :haha:

  • Buy tomatoes and milk.
  • Call doctor.
  • Death
 
  • Like
Reactions: a.n.kirillov, charlottewilts and Chaoticbpd
E

Epsilon0

Enlightened
Dec 28, 2019
1,874
Writing has a cathartic effect for me. That is why I joined this forum. I don't write in any other situations, but I wish I had the inclination to keep a journal. Hand writing, especially with a fountain pen, is a beautiful exercise.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Quarky00 and Chaoticbpd
Apathy79

Apathy79

Arcanist
Oct 13, 2019
486
I don't do it every day but I have spurts where I'll journal for hours and get everything out, then try to process it and work out new approaches. It is an interesting process. I've found especially the disconnect between what I know and feel I should be doing and what I actually do is astonishing and journals reveal stuff like that. Then trying to get into those decision moments where I choose the wrong thing over and over and break that pattern brings up new stuff. Also documenting everything you do and think helps reveal the motivations behind it, which can be surprising when presented so starkly. Which emotions and desires are actually ruling the roost. I've made a handful of major life decisions as a result of a few hours spontaneous journalling, although more often it is better at identifying issues than fixing them.
And as others mentioned, I think hand writing rather than typing works better for some reason.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd
Sayo

Sayo

Not 2B
Aug 22, 2018
520
I think it's really excellent for people with BPD if they can do it safely. I also used to journal a lot. Writing sounds like it would really help in your situation. It's important to exercise your communication skills when you're isolated and keep them from degrading. It also helps you process your emotions (and gain some distance/perspective) through expression and self-reflection. Also, having old journal entries can be really helpful for understanding yourself and how you change and don't change over time, something those of us with BPD tend to particularly struggle with (but all people lack self-awareness in).

I don't currently because I have severe motivational issues with writing. I have memory loss issues and my previous journalling is invaluable to me, so it bothers me a lot. I used to keep a digital diary (through LiveJournal, so social blogging isn't the same thing, but I seriously wrote quite a lot and very regularly), and before that, I kept physical diaries in whatever was handy (and I still have them, but I was very afraid they would be read also).

If you would prefer to physically write your diary but still worry about it being found one day, you could make a habit of digitising your entries (you could even use your phone as a scanner) and destroying the physical copies (or destroying them in general, if preserving them is unimportant to you, but I don't recommend it because the perspective given by a diary is so helpful when you have feelings that fluctuate...). Data can be easier to secure in a lot of situations. It might be easier to habit-build around using a physical diary in a specific setting, and might be helpful detoxing time.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: Quarky00, charlottewilts and Chaoticbpd
O

Otter

Experienced
Feb 10, 2020
263
I think it's really excellent for people with BPD if they can do it safely. I also used to journal a lot. Writing sounds like it would really help in your situation. It's important to exercise your communication skills when you're isolated and keep them from degrading. It also helps you process your emotions (and gain some distance/perspective) through expression and self-reflection. Also, having old journal entries can be really helpful for understanding yourself and how you change and don't change over time, something those of us with BPD tend to particularly struggle with (but all people lack self-awareness in).

I don't currently because I have severe motivational issues with writing. I have memory loss issues and my previous journalling is invaluable to me, so it bothers me a lot. I used to keep a digital diary (through LiveJournal, so social blogging isn't the same thing, but I seriously wrote quite a lot and very regularly), and before that, I kept physical diaries in whatever was handy (and I still have them, but I was very afraid they would be read also).

If you would prefer to physically write your diary but still worry about it being found one day, you could make a habit of digitising your entries (you could even use your phone as a scanner) and destroying the physical copies (or destroying them in general, if preserving them is unimportant to you, but I don't recommend it because the perspective given by a diary is so helpful when you have feelings that fluctuate...). Data can be easier to secure in a lot of situations. It might be easier to habit-build around using a physical diary in a specific setting, and might be helpful detoxing time.
Honest question...is bpd borderline personality disorder or bi-polar disorder?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd
Potiphera

Potiphera

Member
Feb 14, 2020
14
I have a lot of trouble talking to people and issues with trust - both with people I know personally and medical/mental health professionals. So I keep extensive journals, where I sketch, paint a bit, glue in ephemera, and write and write and write. It gets so that if I can't write for some reason, even if it's just waiting for a watercolour background I've done to dry, I feel like my voice has been cut off.

I do worry it's made me too weird and introspective, but I know I have to get it all out. Vomit up the anguish.
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd and Quarky00
Sayo

Sayo

Not 2B
Aug 22, 2018
520
Honest question...is bpd borderline personality disorder or bi-polar disorder?
I've seen it used for both, but more commonly borderline, and I assume it's borderline without any other context. (I was diagnosed with BPD at some point before entering remission and have a bipolar spectrum disorder, so I would expect to see them about equally.)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd and Otter
Chaoticbpd

Chaoticbpd

Member
Feb 11, 2020
13
Honest question...is bpd borderline personality disorder or bi-polar disorder?
Borderline personality disorder, sometimes it's called emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Otter
enjoy

enjoy

Creature
Dec 20, 2019
337
i've tried to keep a diary so many times and it's just too hard for me to do. i have no idea why. i lose interest so easily. i feel like it's a result of too many things going on in my life. i kept a pretty consistent one between 2014 and 2015, but after i ran out of pages i didn't continue it in a second book. i also briefly kept one at one point during the summer of 2019, but after i got to college i completely forgot about it and ended up trashing it at the end of the semester.
 
  • Like
Reactions: cattalk610 and Chaoticbpd
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

Visionary
Dec 1, 2019
2,361
What are people's thoughts on keeping a diary/journal. I've never been able to keep one due to the people around me reading it when I'm not aware but for the first time in my life I am completely alone and I could write in a diary daily risk free. Any diary's I've kept in the past have obviously been full of my thoughts about leaving this world and because the people around me kept reading it when I wasn't there it meant they went into total anti suicide rant/intervention mode. It could also be a good place to note down any plans and keep them in one place if I do decide to ctb
I did have one but it was found, read and used against me so I never wrote another one since. I wish I could, it felt so good to journal and get everything out. Was also nice to read back on, memories etc.
 
  • Aww..
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd and Quarky00
kingmutantrat

kingmutantrat

on GOD i wish i had the courage to go thru witb it
Feb 18, 2020
2
I don't really journal shit buti have a private account on twitter where i spill all my emotions self hatred suicidal thoughgs and such.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Jun 27, 2019
2,546
I have some nerve damage in my dominant hand, so writing a lot is difficult. But I use a journal app called Journey, and it's really helpful for me. It's the only one I've tried that I have managed to use consistently and not forget about.
 
  • Like
Reactions: I_love_to_bake and Chaoticbpd
S

silent staring void

Student
Jan 22, 2020
145
I wish I could do it but my brain is dead and I have no thoughts. :/
Also the only times I ever wrote a diary I just ended up throwing them in the trash can when I planned to kill myself but then chickened out of course. So it seems kind of pointless anyways.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd
r6tm6n

r6tm6n

Aves
Feb 19, 2020
1
i use OneNote and update it from time to time whenever i feel TOO much, and as someone with bpd i often do write on it. coz for me i know putting my thoughts out there can cause some panic so i put my worrying thoughts on my digital journal. i suggest if ur bad at keeping journals just write on it whenever u feel like it, its just an app anyways just leave it there and when u feel like writing, add on there.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd
P

PaYo

Experienced
Jul 28, 2018
223
I had for a yer. Having such a place you can write is a blessing
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chaoticbpd
Eridanos

Eridanos

Confused
Feb 24, 2020
51
As a new year's resolution I wanted to write on a diary everyday. So far I have pretty much accomplished it and it's one of the best things I've done in a long time. It's almost better than therapy sometimes, you really have the possibility of expressing your emotions and even random thoughts.
I am currently writing on an app, if anyone wanted to try keeping a diary I recommend trying out an app first: it's much more easy to build the habit of writing on your phone than taking your time and writing with a pen.
 
  • Like
Reactions: I_love_to_bake and Chaoticbpd

Similar threads

P
Replies
7
Views
322
Suicide Discussion
Coringa
Coringa
lavenderlilylies
Replies
3
Views
252
Suicide Discussion
redkitsune98
redkitsune98
-nobodyknows-
Replies
6
Views
237
Suicide Discussion
AuroraB
AuroraB
ham and potatoes
Replies
7
Views
207
Suicide Discussion
ceilng_tile
C
C
Replies
0
Views
84
Offtopic
cantdecidenameeven
C