keep control.

[Arskam]

I do not know if I will ever resolve to act. But the most important thing for me is to have the feeling of staying in control. I do not want to suffer physical, social and moral decay. On the contrary, I want to keep control and decide when, how and under what conditions I will stop suffering. I still have a small glimmer of hope, but this one is very weak and I feel my options shrink a little more each day.
I considered charcoal, but the practical implementation is too complex and random.
I considered helium, but we can not find any more pure helium.
I considered hanging, but I am clumsy and not a candidate for self-mutilation.
I have considered the train, but to be alone at night on a railroad voice is not within my psychological reach.
I can not buy a gun.
I am not at peace, because I do not master the process that will make me out quickly, surely and without excess of suffering. It will not be a question of improvising, but of being sure of me and at peace with the feeling of finally having taken control of my existence.

 

[Worndown]

Is hanging considered self mutilation?

 

[Arskam]

I am not a candidate for long and risky training sessions to find the sweet spot and the total suspension is not obvious on a practical level.

 

[LastFlowers]

I have lost control over so many areas of my life and even my own face and body, I am also scared of losing any small amount of control I have left in this end of life decision making process/planning. Scary.

 

[Aunt Paula]

Is hanging considered self mutilation?

My nephew completed suicide by hanging three weeks ago yesterday. He must have studied this method for a long time because according to the coroner, death was quick with minimal pain. When we viewed his body three days later, we could see the marks made on his neck by whatever he had used, but it was minimal. I would think that if he used a rope, there would have been skin torn? It was more of a clean indentation. Ever since he was very little, he was a tree climber. We had to watch him, he would climb right to the top of any tree in seconds. They found dirt under his fingernails, so I figure this is what he must have done. He must have climbed high. It gives me a little bit of comfort to know that he didn't suffer physically and he was in a place of nature.