Just Waiting to Die

[Unattainable666]

I'm at a point in life where I just don't care anymore. I don't really know how much longer in life I have (I'm older than most on here). I'm tired of worrying, crying, being lonely, dealing with people. My cat has liver cancer. Not sure how long she has - I can't leave her behind. She is my responsibility - she loves me and i love her. When she goes I'm gone but until that time, bad shit is still happening to me. I have medical insurance but most won't accept it (Obama Care). Can't see a therapist because my insurance won't cover telehealth and the wait to see a therapist is 8 months to a year. So the shit just keeps on coming. Quite honestly I look so forward to dying. It's the only thing that brings me peace. I've always had hope no matter what happened. I have quite honestly lost all hope. I watch myself moving through the day (being shit on at work, driving, going to the store) no matter where I go I am fucked over. m I having a pity party? No, this is my reality. I love my cat so much but I look forward to the day she is no longer here. Our ashes will be joined as one and we will go into the wind and be free forever - I will see my child again - why the fuck would I want to stay here?

 

[Letgo]

I am sorry for all that you are going through. It is good that you have your cat but I understand that with everything going on around you, you just want to rest. Hang on for a little bit more. Your cat will leave at the perfect time. Meanwhile, you have something to look forward to, seeing your child again. It will happen. And when it does, it will be beautiful.
You are being thought of.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Hey. I'm a little older myself. So, I can identify with a lot of what you're saying. I'm so sorry for your cat. Like you, I'm looking forward to dying. I was just sitting here thinking, "why would I want to hold on much longer?" What is there to gain? The life I wanted is unattainable for me. The things I wanted, I'll never have. The things I wished for don't even exist. The people I wanted in my life don't exist. Why am I going to strive and struggle just to get older with no one who loves me? Why am I going to keep going through the "ups and downs of life" just for the sake of doing it? I'm tired. I feel your fatigue with life. This is utterly pointless. The best part of my day is when I lay down to sleep, because it's the closest thing to death that I have until I pull the trigger.

I feel your pain, and I send you some of the little light I have left in my soul.

 

[Unattainable666]

Hey. I'm a little older myself. So, I can identify with a lot of what you're saying. I'm so sorry for your cat. Like you, I'm looking forward to dying. I was just sitting here thinking, "why would I want to hold on much longer?" What is there to gain? The life I wanted is unattainable for me. The things I wanted, I'll never have. The things I wished for don't even exist. The people I wanted in my life don't exist. Why am I going to strive and struggle just to get older with no one who loves me? Why am I going to keep going through the "ups and downs of life" just for the sake of doing it? I'm tired. I feel your fatigue with life. This is utterly pointless. The best part of my day is when I lay down to sleep, because it's the closest thing to death that I have until I pull the trigger.

I feel your pain, and I send you some of the little light I have left in my soul.

Thank you for your kind response. It's ironic, the kindest people are on this site - why I'm here. I'm sorry life has been so cruel to you.

 

[Wkoncuodejde]

Much peace for you and your kitty.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death truly is the only comfort in this world filled with endless dread and despair, so to me it makes sense looking forward to being free from everything, it certainly is such a horrible world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of our own, existence is just too cruel. I hope that you find what you are searching for.