Just venting this about work

[Eden4]

I've been lurking for a few weeks now after my intro posts and well I need to vent this and I feel comfortable enough doing it here hopefully no one minds but I don't think anyone will.

so I have been out of work for a few months now. I was in graduate school but I can't afford it anymore. I started it while I was still working. Anyway I worked in health care.
I started as a patient care technician (it's like a nurses aid). I loved that job. I did the best I could and loved every minute. I floated so I got to be everywhere: psych, CCU, ICU, pediatrics, ER, Med surg, telemetry. I helped you walk to the bathroom if you could walk, or I cleaned you up and changed your linen if you had an accident in bed. And I liked doing it because I made someone comfortable for a moment. Every morning I took vital signs and alerted nurses to any problems, got them water, pulled open their blinds, and told corny jokes, so corny most laughed.

Well then I graduated and got my new position in a bigger and better hospital. I was so excited. I had DONE it. And I was hired before my classmates even..me the loser, me the one who struggled with mental illness and (I thought) overcame it!

I don't say this to get pity I'm just saying it how it was. I was bullied terribly by my coworkers. One even went as far and outright lied to our manager about me, making up something that was not true about a patient I cared for. It wasn't just the bullying though. I tried my very best, but I struggled to keep up. Maybe I cared too much about what my coworkers thought of me and it slowed me down, I don't know, but I know I failed. I have only myself to blame for that.

when I was asked to turn in my badge, I felt so ashamed and despondent. I never did anything wrong to hurt anyone, but they had been trying to train me for 6 months and I just failed.

I failed at keeping up with my patient load. I could handle 6 patients by myself but when I got to 7 I needed help from a coworker or I was behind. I was taking care of neurological patients on a stepdown telemetry unit. Most of them had ventilators. I just couldn't keep up. It was so busy and many patients were critical.

I'll never get hired anywhere else because of this. I never finished training technically, and was asked to leave, because I was a waste of money. Who will hire me? I'm not a new grad anymore and not experienced enough.

anyway. I wanted to think I was so smart. Graduated at the top of my class, I loved learning. Yeah whatever. 4.0 gpa doesn't mean anything at all. I was so dumb.

Thanks for letting me vent this. I wanted to get this down somewhere that's heard I guess. Does it seem as important as it does to me? It probably doesn't sound like such a big deal. To me it is everything though. I made everything about getting better mentally and working hard to achieve this Just to blow it. Ugh I wish I could go back in time.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's definitely a big deal and I'm sorry you've gone through this.

I don't think it's accurate that you'll never be hired anywhere else because of this. Never is an all-encompassing word. Your GPA still means something and will stand out on your resume. You have work experience. You have the recommendation of your previous employer. If there are folks there you trust, I'd go back to the previous place of employment and have some conversations. I'd explain what happened and ask for advice and job referrals. Learning to become a nurse is so much more than the education, it's also about the work environment. That environment was not a fit, the "teachers" there did not act as good teachers. I doubt you would have found the fulfillment and happiness that you did previously. Hopefully, you'll be able to look back one day and be grateful, not for being fired, but that you got free from a shitty environment, even if it was involuntarily.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Them firing you in the circumstances you described seems a little over zealous to me. Surely they should have helped more or given more training or at least a warning. And if they were bullying you that sucks.
Future employers will ask questions, yes, but it is possible you can spin it in your favour. A good employer will judge you on what you can bring and if they ask you what happened on your explanation of events. If you say you simply didn't get the support you needed and found it too hard to work with people who weren't working as a team then that may show your personal values off to their best.