I need to vent before I do this... First of all, I've been like this for years and I'm in treatment (for my bipolar disorder... I tried, ok?)
I was looking for a purpose and I also tried to stay here for the people who liked me, for the people who should set an example (after all I am a community leader and catechist), but it was all in vain... I didn't want to scandalize anyone, I'm mainly referring to the kids, I didn't want to hurt those who love me... but I went beyond my limit! Now, that no longer weighs on my decision, although it is an open wound.
I don't have a home, I'm smart and I had potential, but I already know I did (well, I'm 23 years old, but that won't change anything). People who once told me that I shouldn't brag and that everyone is the same (because I was more than I am now) now humiliate me... I've had to deal with a lot of suffering in the last few months. ..
I lost from April until now, my grandmother, my neighbor, I almost lost my mother (I know she needs me, but I can't keep dragging myself), I lost friends and I lost my ex-girlfriend (also a friend) . Although I believe in the afterlife, I probably won't see them...they must be ashamed of me for thinking and acting like that, but like I said I can't control it anymore, I've already derailed.
I know I will be pushing this pain onto others, I know there are fragile people who need me, but not anymore... Nobody will understand, it will seem selfish, but when I treated bipolar disorder and went into crisis many said it was being dramatic and I wanted to put myself in the shoes of those who died (people say that because grief in bipolar disorder is a brutal experience).
I meant...I meant and few of them bothered to listen to me (and there are so few that I don't want to overload)
I won't be able to ask for forgiveness, but people never forgive me, I've always tried to forgive, but usually it doesn't happen the other way around.
I don't know if I'll find the product I need (SN), but that's it... I hope that when I erase this pain it also erases and people forget about me... Everything I've done someone else could and could do, I I just needed to vent. I really wanted a hug, I'm not afraid to unburden with a friend so as not to create turmoil and because I'm tired of bothering. I can't express myself very well right now, but I needed to say something
I was looking for a purpose and I also tried to stay here for the people who liked me, for the people who should set an example (after all I am a community leader and catechist), but it was all in vain... I didn't want to scandalize anyone, I'm mainly referring to the kids, I didn't want to hurt those who love me... but I went beyond my limit! Now, that no longer weighs on my decision, although it is an open wound.
I don't have a home, I'm smart and I had potential, but I already know I did (well, I'm 23 years old, but that won't change anything). People who once told me that I shouldn't brag and that everyone is the same (because I was more than I am now) now humiliate me... I've had to deal with a lot of suffering in the last few months. ..
I lost from April until now, my grandmother, my neighbor, I almost lost my mother (I know she needs me, but I can't keep dragging myself), I lost friends and I lost my ex-girlfriend (also a friend) . Although I believe in the afterlife, I probably won't see them...they must be ashamed of me for thinking and acting like that, but like I said I can't control it anymore, I've already derailed.
I know I will be pushing this pain onto others, I know there are fragile people who need me, but not anymore... Nobody will understand, it will seem selfish, but when I treated bipolar disorder and went into crisis many said it was being dramatic and I wanted to put myself in the shoes of those who died (people say that because grief in bipolar disorder is a brutal experience).
I meant...I meant and few of them bothered to listen to me (and there are so few that I don't want to overload)
I won't be able to ask for forgiveness, but people never forgive me, I've always tried to forgive, but usually it doesn't happen the other way around.
I don't know if I'll find the product I need (SN), but that's it... I hope that when I erase this pain it also erases and people forget about me... Everything I've done someone else could and could do, I I just needed to vent. I really wanted a hug, I'm not afraid to unburden with a friend so as not to create turmoil and because I'm tired of bothering. I can't express myself very well right now, but I needed to say something
