Venting Just some passing thoughts

[Spidermanspiderpoo]

Everything's ready.
But why... why does a tiny little part of me want to continue living? I wish this could all magically go away and I could be happy. But it's impossible. I'm very very short on time, the more I live, the more I prolong my suffering. I'm tired, exhausted. Maybe I sound like some edgelord but the worst fucking poison in the world is hope. You don't ever stop hurting because of it. It's the worst fucking thing ever. I don't know what to do. I don't have money or time for therapy. Any action I take will destroy my life even more. I'm so lost and fucked up....

 

[outrider567]

Everything's ready.
But why... why does a tiny little part of me want to continue living? I wish this could all magically go away and I could be happy. But it's impossible. I'm very very short on time, the more I live, the more I prolong my suffering. I'm tired, exhausted. Maybe I sound like some edgelord but the worst fucking poison in the world is hope. You don't ever stop hurting because of it. It's the worst fucking thing ever. I don't know what to do. I don't have money or time for therapy. Any action I take will destroy my life even more. I'm so lost and fucked up....

How tiny? No one should really CTB if any doubt is present about actually doing it--As for me, the word 'hope' doesn't exist

 

[flightless bird]

It is not hope that hurts. It is the world.

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, hope you find your peace.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Always will be some doubt. Human nature. Just have to decide how badly you want it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think that having hope often leads to more suffering. If theres anything positive in a life like this, it will likely just be taken away. This why existence is so cruel. Suicide can be difficult as we are all programmed to survive but after all only you know if suicide is the right thing for yourself, it's a personal decision.

 

[Spidermanspiderpoo]

How tiny? No one should really CTB if any doubt is present about actually doing it--As for me, the word 'hope' doesn't exist

Like an ant you see on your desk. You see it, it gets crushed. Some days later, you'll see another ant, and that'll get crushed and die too.
Logically, there is no saving me.

 

[timetogo15]

Hope is the problem. I've been holding onto hope for various things. Inevitably getting disappointed each time. For some people life works, for others life just doesn't

 

[thebunny]

But why... why does a tiny little part of me want to continue living?

i think there will always be a part of us that wants to keep going; a part of us that still hopes for a better future. i think it's just our SI kicking in and sometimes it can be such a bitch.

i'm sorry to hear that a part of you is still having doubts about all of this and is still holding on for dear life. i know things are tough and the longer we're here, the longer we suffer. i do hope that you'll have a clearer mind and path when it comes to ctb. i wish you all the best, that you find your peace, and good luck

 

[Nanako]

Everything's ready.
But why... why does a tiny little part of me want to continue living? I wish this could all magically go away and I could be happy. But it's impossible. I'm very very short on time, the more I live, the more I prolong my suffering. I'm tired, exhausted. Maybe I sound like some edgelord but the worst fucking poison in the world is hope. You don't ever stop hurting because of it. It's the worst fucking thing ever. I don't know what to do. I don't have money or time for therapy. Any action I take will destroy my life even more. I'm so lost and fucked up....

So sorry to hear that. I can relate. I've been clinging to hope for the past few years but I don't get better no matter what.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Been like this myself past 18 months. I should have did it when I initially planned, but noooo. Hope had to peek it's silly head up giving its false promises. Now every day looks more and more bleak. Next time I am ready, I am going for it. Fuck hope.