just ranting...

[lotus11]

Hey Everyone,

I don't know what I am planning to say here exactly, just a little rant. I have been on this site for a long time now, and although I've wanted to die since joining I have been trying out different paths in life these last years just to let some situations pan out, see how they go, see if I have left any options unturned. In relationships, career etc...But the more I try the more I fail and realise that I am trapped in this cruel, capitalistic hellscape with no way out. Every direction I turn has cruel obstacles in the way that are impossible to get past. I feel like a tiger helplessly trying to get out of a cage he's trapped in. So I suppose that I am getting closer and closer to suicide. The reason that I will not do it now is because of the place I am trapped in. This is the place I have spent most of my life's energy helplessly trying to leave. For me, it is essential to at least manage to die somewhere away from here. If I can find the money to ever take a holiday for a while, do it somewhere far away. This should give me the feeling of freedom enough to be able to do it. I have my SN that I bought years ago...I tested it on my blood the other day and it did change colour to dark immediately. I believe that it means that it should work. Can someone confirm this?
I don't know what reply I'm looking for here...just maybe to hear from people in similar situations

 

[アホペンギン]

Hey, I'm sorry that the recovery failed, it must be awful having tried so hard only to be met with much worse outcomes, putting you in a horrible situation. I understand why you feel as if its essential that you leave, living like how you lived, trying to recover with no avail is really stressful. I, myself, haven't tried to recover as intensively as you but I understand your situation and I feel horrible for you.

Furthermore, about the test, the SN blood test only proves that there is nitrite in the substance rather than proving that the purity is high enough to ctb with. You'll need to buy the aquarium test strips and use those, they are very good at proving the purity. You can follow the guide on how to test from Vizzy's SN bible.

Also, the tiger cub in your pfp is very cute :) I love tigers

 

[Praestat_Mori]

tested it on my blood the other day and it did change colour to dark immediately. I believe that it means that it should work. Can someone confirm this?

If you stored your SN unopened, airtight, dry and cool it should be still fine. I assume your SN is in an unopened original plastic bottle, until you opened it for the test? You might want to do the aquarium test, too.

I understand that it's frustrating when recovery attempts are failing over and over again, I can relate to this a bit and that's one of the reasons why I'm also here. So, you are not alone! :-)

 

[drennedrat]

I agree that this capitalistic hellscape is cruel. It's a big contribution to my reasons to CTB. I have no career ambitions, school is too expensive, and life only looks scarier as the world changes. I'm sorry you feel this way, and hopefully things look up for you soon.