Just one of those days where I feel the oppressive weight of all of my mistakes

[papulin]

Just one of those days where I feel the oppressive weight of all of my mistakes. I feel I have been miserable for so long I can't bear it anymore.
Broken relationships, broken career, the guilt of having been a patsy for others' own career ladders.
And then, just destroying myself, slowly, slowly.

When I come to SS, there is always a moment of indecision, do I want to go to the suicide discussion or recovery discussion? Deep in me, I wish I could just flip that switch and be "better". But I can't. I just can't.

And who suffers... my wife, my daughters. I am almost angry with myself I didn't CTB years ago. I foreshadowed the struggle the last several years have been. What's going to change? The next several will be even harder I fear.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is horrible being alive. We cannot turn back time and change our actions and we are left with painful memories. I understand it is hard to carry on living when you are constantly suffering. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best, whatever happens.

 

[Rayzieka]

I'm sorry if you can't find reasons to hang on but you can always vent here if its a rough day

 

[Rational man]

I fell into the trap of hindsight. The past is full of ' if only ' .Trouble is we cannot change the record but we can flip the record and play a different tune today.. We make choices dont we?

 

[Mohkinstsis_falls]

I feel this very deeply as well today. I hope the foolish or hurtful things i've done don't become my legacy.

Remember, If you got one foot in the past and the other, you're diarrhea blasting on today.