Venting Just needing to be heard I suppose

[HAL 9000]

Hello everyone, I will attempt to keep this as brief and succinct as possible in order to avoid tedium and frustration. My appreciation and abhorrence of Life transcends words or feelings. Ever since I was eleven I have felt something tugging at me. This feeling has evolved into an almost piercing sensation in my skull. The rest of my body follows suit and I know with certainty that every atom and molecule I'm composed of yearns to return home. I no longer want to breathe or feel the wind on my face. Death is all encompassing, fair and beautiful. The ultimate end of evolution is self-destruction. Death itself.

This truth is evident, but I'm still undecided as to the optimal time in which to ctb. So many things that have yet to be done...though this compulsion could easily be my Ego attempting to keep me shackled to this small spec of "reality". I mean, is there ever an optimal time in which to coalesce with something that is beyond the infinite?

EDIT: Spelling mistake

 

[anaerobic_bacterium]

i hope that humanity and all life in general will soon be wiped off the earth in a nuclear holocaust or in some other happening of omnicidal scale. i know it's a cope and very unlikely to happen. but life repeats itself ad nauseam for around billions years that reproduction and consciousness shit, struggling for no sane cause, cattle-elite system, slavery and dancing around for the DNA whims etc.

sadly i can't push myself over the edge right now.which is a totally rational decision as having consciousness and physical body fucking sucks it's better than have no body at all than maintaining this piece of meat gunk which constantly requires something to keep it alive in optimal amounts and of high quality if possible otherwise the flesh system will deteriorate and inflict pain on its owner and beside it requires much more to be happy i.e something to not be depressed. this social, existential and biological shit like friends, relationships, work, children, purpose in life, money etc. but for me it's all thrash like that retarded yon yonson poem which end comes to beginning. i hope to do it in winter or in late fall because of lesser population density esp. at nights and evenings but depending on a season to end own's life is a feeble excuse. just can't force myself that's

it's worth mentioning that as long as humanity will breed at the current rate the requirements to get so called satisfaction in life in the form of things i mention upper wold be increasingly hard to meet simply because of human strain on the ecosphere. food shortages. a cheaper diets of lower nutritional values to feed human cattle, lack of drinkable/irrigation water, pollution, mental disorders outbreaks and much more.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've personally always wished for non-existence, being conscious and aware has never been something I've desired so your feelings really are understandable, only permanent nothingness is ideal to me, existing is so burdensome. I hope you eventually find what you search for.

 

[HAL 9000]

i hope that humanity and all life in general will soon be wiped off the earth in a nuclear holocaust or in some other happening of omnicidal scale. i know it's a cope and very unlikely to happen. but life repeats itself ad nauseam for around billions years that reproduction and consciousness shit, struggling for no sane cause, cattle-elite system, slavery and dancing around for the DNA whims etc.

sadly i can't push myself over the edge right now.which is a totally rational decision as having consciousness and physical body fucking sucks it's better than have no body at all than maintaining this piece of meat gunk which constantly requires something to keep it alive in optimal amounts and of high quality if possible otherwise the flesh system will deteriorate and inflict pain on its owner and beside it requires much more to be happy i.e something to not be depressed. this social, existential and biological shit like friends, relationships, work, children, purpose in life, money etc. but for me it's all thrash like that retarded yon yonson poem which end comes to beginning. i hope to do it in winter or in late fall because of lesser population density esp. at nights and evenings but depending on a season to end own's life is a feeble excuse. just can't force myself that's

it's worth mentioning that as long as humanity will breed at the current rate the requirements to get so called satisfaction in life in the form of things i mention upper wold be increasingly hard to meet simply because of human strain on the ecosphere. food shortages. a cheaper diets of lower nutritional values to feed human cattle, lack of drinkable/irrigation water, pollution, mental disorders outbreaks and much more.

Looking at the geopolitical landscape, it's inexorable that we cancel each other out. From my recollection the US just threatened to destroy the artificial island/s in which a large percentage of our computer chips are manufactured. Oppenheimer couldn't have come out at the perfect time.

As it pertains to the timing of your potential departure I cannot say much as I'm not privy to your situation. All I can say is that any action done with an impetuous attitude will result in regret. Don't pressure yourself into something that can be easy transitioned into if given the proper time.

I've personally always wished for non-existence, being conscious and aware has never been something I've desired so your feelings really are understandable, only permanent nothingness is ideal to me, existing is so burdensome. I hope you eventually find what you search for.

If you don't mind me being inquisitive, but I'm curious as to when you became acutely aware of this discontent. Also, thanks for the wishes. I hope the same for you as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

If you don't mind me being inquisitive, but I'm curious as to when you became acutely aware of this discontent. Also, thanks for the wishes. I hope the same for you as well.

I don't think I've ever really wished to exist and as time goes on and I got older I wished to cease existing as a result of experiencing existence and being aware of the reality of existing here. Existence just isn't desirable to me and I'm not meant for it either.

 

[HAL 9000]

I don't think I've ever really wished to exist and as time goes on and I got older I wished to cease existing as a result of experiencing existence and being aware of the reality of existing here. Existence just isn't desirable to me and I'm not meant for it either.

Life has been a steady series of going through the motions while searching for missing puzzle pieces that never existed. I used to think that I would see the value in existing in a post Capitalist society, but I know such a thing will never come to pass. Even if it did, nothing that can be accomplished here can remotely compare with what's to come. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that I'm an aspiring Film Maker.

 

[peelingbananas]

Life has been a steady series of going through the motions while searching for missing puzzle pieces that never existed. I used to think that I would see the value in existing in a post Capitalist society, but I know such a thing will never come to pass. Even if it did, nothing that can be accomplished here can remotely compare with what's to come. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that I'm an aspiring Film Maker.

that sounds pretty cool! you in college or already doing it?

 

[HAL 9000]

that sounds pretty cool! you in college or already doing it?

I'll take courses eventually, but right now I'm strictly doing research. Currently studying Cinematography and Lighting. After I get a firm grasp on the various methods and concepts I'm actually going to start producing films of my own.

 

[peelingbananas]

I'll take courses eventually, but right now I'm strictly doing research. Currently studying Cinematography and Lighting. After I get a firm grasp on the various methods and concepts I'm actually going to start producing films of my own.

oh damn that sounds really cool! i bet you'll go on to do some pretty great things. hoping to see you out there one day :)

 

[HAL 9000]

oh damn that sounds really cool! i bet you'll go on to do some pretty great things. hoping to see you out there one day :)

Would have been splendid but there's a good chance that I blow my head off next week. I don't want to fight any longer.