BornofDust
Student
- Dec 11, 2020
- 132
Ok so I have been doing meditation, Stoicism and Christian mediation for sometime for about 2 weeks, it has been working so far, until now. I was getting calmer when interacting with my parents, didn't feel this toxic shame that I was used to feeling about myself, I didn't let my parent's comment's effect me, letting thoughts pass my mind and not letting them effect me. I was doing exercise I was more focused on doing the task I had, I actually started cleaning my room .Even though it was really hard at first it got easier overtime and my mid doesn't go as hyperdrive as it usually does. Hell in the morning during Christian Meditation(after the regular meditation)I started feeling this inner warm, affection and peace( or maybe that's just my breathing being really warm inside, don't know) and I felt so lifted and good and relaxed for the day before the incident. I thought maybe I was getting better, turns out that was an illusion I guess
So I was watching a documentary on Netflix right alone when my dad came home, he ask me some question, I answered while asking some questions, he proceeds' to get mad at me and accuse me of giving me attitude and accuse me of disrespecting him ( I wasn't I was just asking a question.), unfortunately I blew up on him because he's always been doing this for a longtime so now we are both mad and now I'm stewing in anger and shame, espcailly since I was getting better at not letting their words and attitude get to me for a couple of weeks due to said practice.
I just threw all of my Mediations and Stoicism down the drain within the next 2 hours. God I'm such a dumbass. Guess I wasn't recovering aftercall. Especially cause I just cost myself a house, I'm not gonna be having a roof over my head by tomorrow. I wonder if either I lost it or I was just deluding myself that I was becoming " calmer.' Don't know. Seems like I'm whining about my home-life every week lol, sorry about the whining and crying. I was just hoping I was getting better.
So I was watching a documentary on Netflix right alone when my dad came home, he ask me some question, I answered while asking some questions, he proceeds' to get mad at me and accuse me of giving me attitude and accuse me of disrespecting him ( I wasn't I was just asking a question.), unfortunately I blew up on him because he's always been doing this for a longtime so now we are both mad and now I'm stewing in anger and shame, espcailly since I was getting better at not letting their words and attitude get to me for a couple of weeks due to said practice.
I just threw all of my Mediations and Stoicism down the drain within the next 2 hours. God I'm such a dumbass. Guess I wasn't recovering aftercall. Especially cause I just cost myself a house, I'm not gonna be having a roof over my head by tomorrow. I wonder if either I lost it or I was just deluding myself that I was becoming " calmer.' Don't know. Seems like I'm whining about my home-life every week lol, sorry about the whining and crying. I was just hoping I was getting better.
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