tsuina
Member
- Aug 15, 2020
- 35
it never ends does it??? this suffering never ends this pain never ends.
i feel like to punish myself for my existence i just put myself in awful situations where i get hurt and upset just to feel something since i don't self harm physically anymore
my partner treats me so shit sometimes (and i in turn lash out right back) and when they don't treat me like shit, they don't have much patience with me or my problems despite the fact i have crippling PTSD and skyrocketing physical health issues. they chose to be with me knowing these problems i have why is this happening, and why won't they just leave me. i don't want them to leave me ever but i mean i feel like they want to. i obviously am driving them mad. why! why don't they just hurt me already, get it over with, i know it's coming!!!! stop telling me "i'll never leave you again" it must be a lie!!!!!!!
i feel like i am an emotional vampire!! and they hurt me often enough (and i hurt them often enough) that it feels like it's not acceptable!! it's not acceptable on either part, yet i stay because i love them, i love them, i don't want to hurt them, i don't want to be lonely, i don't want them to be lonely, god why am i doing this to myself i am such garbage. i hate myself. i've been abused so many times in the past before them i doubt i will ever learn how to not hate myself and let that affect my relationship!!!
i feel like to punish myself for my existence i just put myself in awful situations where i get hurt and upset just to feel something since i don't self harm physically anymore
my partner treats me so shit sometimes (and i in turn lash out right back) and when they don't treat me like shit, they don't have much patience with me or my problems despite the fact i have crippling PTSD and skyrocketing physical health issues. they chose to be with me knowing these problems i have why is this happening, and why won't they just leave me. i don't want them to leave me ever but i mean i feel like they want to. i obviously am driving them mad. why! why don't they just hurt me already, get it over with, i know it's coming!!!! stop telling me "i'll never leave you again" it must be a lie!!!!!!!
i feel like i am an emotional vampire!! and they hurt me often enough (and i hurt them often enough) that it feels like it's not acceptable!! it's not acceptable on either part, yet i stay because i love them, i love them, i don't want to hurt them, i don't want to be lonely, i don't want them to be lonely, god why am i doing this to myself i am such garbage. i hate myself. i've been abused so many times in the past before them i doubt i will ever learn how to not hate myself and let that affect my relationship!!!