JOkE2109
Student
- Dec 18, 2023
- 102
I'm just so fucking sad. To some extent, I wish I could just be blissfully content with my life without feeling suicidal. It hurts to think that majority of people don't have suicidal thoughts, and just keep going no matter what. It just sucks to think that I couldn't be like that and I just had to be one of the people who end up like this. I really wish life wasn't this awful. I don't even have it that bad, I don't think I really even have a right to think that my life is awful or talk about how I feel. I don't trust anyone in real life, I'm honestly scared of help. I would rather just stay how I am than have to be subject to mandatory "help" as they like to call it. Honestly, I think I might just be too stubborn in my views to recover too. I just keep everything to myself. When I'm not around anyone, and I'm just in my room with free time, I spend most of it on this site just browsing around, researching methods and reading people's posts. Like it's really sad how deep of a hole I've dug myself. I'm just continually tortured by my feelings, and I'm becoming more and more disillusioned to the world. I can't cope with living. I can't even do the "bad coping mechanisms" like self harm because I end up scaring myself out of it. I just stay and don't distract myself or try to make myself happy, I just continue to be like this without making any efforts to be happy at all.
