Venting Just cant get over how pointless everything is

[ClownMe]

I've been struggling for months now with my lack of interest in everything, the things your average person finds meaningful (travelling, relationships, family, kids, career advancements, hobbies, etc.) I could care less about, there's nothing that interests me in life anymore.

I have tried my best to change this by trying out different hobbies and putting myself out there more, but if anything, this has only made things worse.

With each working week I feel myself getting closer and closer to ctb, my will to live is gone, pretty much the meaningful thing I do is work and even then I wouldn't consider that meaningful because im only doing it so I don't end up on the streets.

I wish I could wipe my memory and start over again, i can't unsee the world for how mundane it is and it's slowly tearing me apart.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I haven't seen you around lately. I was wondering what happened.

I know exactly what you are talking about. You just slowly start losing interest in living. You just become a helpless bystander to your own life. The fear of homelessness and the fear of dying. Two things that keeps haunting my mind.

My mental state keeps deteriorating the longer I keep pushing off ctb. Either I should make another attempt at recovery or I should actually ctb. Those two options are better than just waiting around passively for a day that might not come for years or decades.

 

[Pluto]

I was just looking up a quote that was written thousands of years ago in the Old Testament. Seems we are not alone on this.

"I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind." - Ecclesiastes 1:14

 

[ClownMe]

I haven't seen you around lately. I was wondering what happened.

I know exactly what you are talking about. You just slowly start losing interest in living. You just become a helpless bystander to your own life. The fear of homelessness and the fear of dying. Two things that keeps haunting my mind.

My mental state keeps deteriorating the longer I keep pushing off ctb. Either I should make another attempt at recovery or I should actually ctb. Those two options are better than just waiting around passively for a day that might not come for years or decades.

Yeah, I haven't been as active on here the last week or so, it's been hard to find the energy, a lot of crap going on in my life at the moment.

It's good to hear from you, it's unfortunate that you're still suffering so much just like me.

Sending you love.

 

[newave3]

Hi @ClownMe. I can totally relate to everything you wrote. In my case, it just took many decades to come to this point of disinterest and apathy towards everything in life. I marvel at how others can go about their lives seemingly unaware at how pointless everything is.
But who knows what's really going on inside thieir heads? Maybe others are just good at faking it and masking the hopelessness that we feel. Maybe they have found a good cocktail of drugs that gets them through each dull day. IDK.
It's one of the cruel ironies of life that a good person like you experiences this intense disinterest enough to consider CTB, while arrogant bullies lead us and make our lives even more miserable.
You have a wonderful sense of humor. That alone may be enough to help you carry on until you feel better. I certainly hope so.

 

[ClownMe]

Hi @ClownMe. I can totally relate to everything you wrote. In my case, it just took many decades to come to this point of disinterest and apathy towards everything in life. I marvel at how others can go about their lives seemingly unaware at how pointless everything is.
But who knows what's really going on inside thieir heads? Maybe others are just good at faking it and masking the hopelessness that we feel. Maybe they have found a good cocktail of drugs that gets them through each dull day. IDK.
It's one of the cruel ironies of life that a good person like you experiences this intense disinterest enough to consider CTB, while arrogant bullies lead us and make our lives even more miserable.
You have a wonderful sense of humor. That alone may be enough to help you carry on until you feel better. I certainly hope so.

Thanks @newave3 for your kind words, I hope you're doing well.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Hi @ClownMe. I can totally relate to everything you wrote. In my case, it just took many decades to come to this point of disinterest and apathy towards everything in life. I marvel at how others can go about their lives seemingly unaware at how pointless everything is.

I think most people don't have a reason to think about it. If you have a good life why even consider ctb? They also have things that help them escape reality. When you realize suicide is a real option then nothing really helps you cope. I don't think most people will ever reach this point.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I think most people don't have a reason to think about it. If you have a good life why even consider ctb? They also have things that help them escape reality. When you realize suicide is a real option then nothing really helps you cope. I don't think most people will ever reach this point.

I agree. Successful people who have friendships, work, a partner and a healthy brain don't have time to contemplate such matters. They are too busy living their best lives to think of the end. Any trauma, abuse, neglect, loneliness, isolation, unemployment, and not belonging to some friendship groups will have one contemplate this daily because they are lacking in their lives in some way. However even people that seem to have it all on the surface still CTB so idk.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yup me to

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel the same, my life is so depressing and empty. I have no interest in anything and I want nothing to do with life. To me, life is just suffering and I feel like I must ctb to prevent decades of a miserable life. The future will get worse for me. It is a hopeless feeling when nothing makes you feel better. I wish you the best.