Just a waste of space

[PlanB]

Nobody can depend on me. I am always somebody's problem. The only time I felt brave enough to try and ctb is when I used to drink to oblivion. Failed twice. Can't even do that right. I am a huge disappointment to just about anyone who sticks around long enough. I can't say these things to anyone because it just burdens people further. Nobody really wants to listen to your sorrow, it is awkward for them to deal with. They have their own problems. My heart physically hurts right now and I wish I could tear it out and bury it. I came here I guess because nowhere else understands. I lurked a bit and saw a lot of reflections of how I feel. How do you find the courage to just do it? If I wrote a story about my life the title would be "I'm sorry for existing."

I guess what brought this on was a significant other asked me to take care of their living arrangements, and it did not go according to their ideal timeline. They have not accused me of being the cause, but I feel like I am because they made me responsible. I have 4 jobs. The main one has me working from 4:30a to 6pm M-Th, the others are all gig work I fit into any spare time I have. I am burning my candle at both ends just to survive and they asked me to do this. I did all they asked. I feel like I failed them. They now are being colder to me. And I am trying not to analyze it. But it hurts still. I did my best.

 

[FuneralCry]

Sadly, suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world, I do admire those who had the courage, those who managed to ctb were likely very determined to overcome all the risks and complications involved in leaving this world. I particularly think that those who managed to get reliable poison methods were fortunate. But it's true that existing really can be so painful, I wish you the best.

 

[PlanB]

Sadly, suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world, I do admire those who had the courage, those who managed to ctb were likely very determined to overcome all the risks and complications involved in leaving this world. I particularly think that those who managed to get reliable poison methods were fortunate. But it's true that existing really can be so painful, I wish you the best.

Thank you

 

[PlanB]