just a bit tired of being scared

[nezu.061]

im tired of being chained to the confines of my own home. i realized this when i went outside to water the plants at night. i havent gone to take a walk in a long time, let alone without something i could protect myself with. though, i think itd be futile anyway, since im so weak. im skinny and short and light as a feather. im always so anxious about how i could be picked up and murdered or raped or anything else when im outside of a building alone. i really want to go outside at night because it feels so calm and quiet out here, but i cant even leave my neighborhood by myself. im too scared. ive dreamt of visiting the cemetery i see on my trips home, but im too scared to go anywhere by myself. i wish i could find some peace in the night, alone. though i know i probably never will, not until i learn how to protect myself or some bullshit like that.

 

[theRetroHawk]

This makes me feel really sad, I feel so bad i hate to hear your biggest problem is fear. I wish I could help and accompany you and be a friend but hence this is the cruel reality we face. The worst part about learning to defend yourself is the first thing they will say is people overestimate their ability to fight by 95% so even when you learn to defend yourself you still feel week all I can say is maybe try to make some friends you can feel comfortable with or try working out and bulking up in a safe space. Or if you so desire may you find your ticket peacefully and fulfilling