Journaling feelings each morning

[Final Escape]

I began to journal my feelings out along with just writing out my thoughts for a few pages first thing in morning. I pull up the adjective feelings list and figure out what I'm feeling about things that are keeping me stuck. I asked myself why I can't leave prostitution even though I know it's hurting me? To attempt to chip away at why I'm unable to move towards something else.

I know that a primary reason I'm struggling to give it up is because I don't see many options for a job that wouldn't be terrible conditions and low paying. But there has to be other pay offs as to why I'm justifying a destructive behavior like this.This is surprisingly difficult to do this. Lots of tears are being shed lol! I do not know if this will help me move forward but this guy said it's what u need to do to get traction. A guy I watch on YouTube sometimes. Richard Grannon.

 

[Santiago]

Low paying seems like a fair concern compared to what you probably earn now. Terrible conditions not so much (assuming you live in any civilized country.)

So the thing that popped into my head when reading your post was that right now you value money over your well-being.

 

[Final Escape]

Low paying seems like a fair concern compared to what you probably earn now. Terrible conditions not so much (assuming you live in any civilized country.)

So the thing that popped into my head when reading your post was that right now you value money over your well-being.

Being ok economically is kind of important because so much else depends on it. I wouldn't say I value money over my well being but I had difficulty at most jobs I tried because of the working conditions. I was basically the employee that was always the worst performing so they tend to want to push those pple out of the average job since it's all about productivity at hourly wage job places at the entry level especially.

If u have no cognitive impairments or conditions like bpd or complex ptsd than most work environments are probably something u can manage but I know I can't get on disability anytime soon so I have to try to figure something out where I don't need a boss probably and can remain mostly independent of a place I actually to go and punch the clock.

 

[Santiago]

Being ok economically is kind of important because so much else depends on it. I wouldn't say I value money over my well being but I had difficulty at most jobs I tried because of the working conditions. I was basically the employee that was always the worst performing so they tend to want to push those pple out of the average job since it's all about productivity at hourly wage job places at the entry level especially.

That's true, but then I think the main question is why you are always the worst performing employee. Any reasons for it that you know of?

On top of that a question I want you to ask if you have any ambitions or dream jobs?

 

[Final Escape]

I have ADD, plus emotional flashbacks can be triggered by stressful situations and then I totally lose concentration for a bit. I hated those little abusive work emails they send u. That criticize and pick apart everything they don't like about what u are doing when u can't help it really. I imagine it's often the management that makes me begin to get discouraged and lose motivation and morale. Like unfair treatment or rules that are unreasonable. Getting u to work overtime without pay.

I had to call in once a month because I have extreme PMS issues that cannot be solved by any medications. Oh and the mandated employee meetings that u aren't paid for? Like way too often and nothing is ever different or better lol! It's like we are there just so there's now a new rule again or somebody is bitching about something that never gets resolved really. They literally want to own u when u go to work for some of these places. It's like hey might as well just live at work so it's for sure that u can't have a life outside of this place.

I just had a difficult time not getting burned out and the crazy hours, soul crushing feelings. It's most likely because my life revolved around work and I had no energy for much outside of that. My dream job would be no job but since that's not possible. I wouldn't mind being some sort of consultant or I could probably do sales of some sort. Something where u have to persuade people to want to do something appeals to me. It gives some challenge.

 

[Santiago]

That's work though. The majority of people feel that way, but it's something in this life that we have to do for the money. There is literally no other option except for perhaps social security benefits for people who aren't able to work.

The only thing we can do is find our interests and perhaps look for job opportunities that fit you better and don't leave such a negative impact. That sometimes requires you to learn extra skills or study a specific subject. You have to find that or atleast give it a shot.

 

[Final Escape]

You must help me Santiago lol! Jus kidding you can be my occupational corrections counselor lol!

 

[Santiago]

Seriously just write down any jobs that seem interesting to you. Don't exclude any because you think you might not have the correct skills. Then find out what it takes to become good at that job and work for it.

Sales for example usually doesn't require that many special degrees. You do have to be the type of person to do sales though so if you think that would fit you just go out and apply and do loads of interviews.

Chances are you won't hit the right job immediately, but eventually you will and you'll be happy you did all those things.

I see a lot of people in my own life just give up before trying because they think it won't work out anyways and it always blows my mind. I genuinely believe if you put in the effort then it will pay off.

 

[Final Escape]

Seriously just write down any jobs that seem interesting to you. Don't exclude any because you think you might not have the correct skills. Then find out what it takes to become good at that job and work for it.

Sales for example usually doesn't require that many special degrees. You do have to be the type of person to do sales though so if you think that would fit you just go out and apply and do loads of interviews.

Chances are you won't hit the right job immediately, but eventually you will and you'll be happy you did all those things.

I see a lot of people in my own life just give up before trying because they think it won't work out anyways and it always blows my mind. I genuinely believe if you put in the effort then it will pay off.

I might private message u if I need help u know that right? Lol! Hope ure ok with this.

 

[Santiago]

I might private message u if I need help u know that right? Lol! Hope ure ok with this.

That's fine.

 

[SawItOnce]

Journaling feelings and thoughts sure helps to get traction, it's a very good beginning.

I understand your position and what you said makes a lot of sense to me. Wish you best of luck in discovering what's what in your situation

I have ADD, plus emotional flashbacks can be triggered by stressful situations and then I totally lose concentration for a bit. I hated those little abusive work emails they send u. That criticize and pick apart everything they don't like about what u are doing when u can't help it really. I imagine it's often the management that makes me begin to get discouraged and lose motivation and morale. Like unfair treatment or rules that are unreasonable. Getting u to work overtime without pay.

I had to call in once a month because I have extreme PMS issues that cannot be solved by any medications. Oh and the mandated employee meetings that u aren't paid for? Like way too often and nothing is ever different or better lol! It's like we are there just so there's now a new rule again or somebody is bitching about something that never gets resolved really. They literally want to own u when u go to work for some of these places. It's like hey might as well just live at work so it's for sure that u can't have a life outside of this place.

I just had a difficult time not getting burned out and the crazy hours, soul crushing feelings. It's most likely because my life revolved around work and I had no energy for much outside of that. My dream job would be no job but since that's not possible. I wouldn't mind being some sort of consultant or I could probably do sales of some sort. Something where u have to persuade people to want to do something appeals to me. It gives some challenge.

This resonates with me so much, every single bit.
p.s. oh those emails...