NSFW Jokes thread

[SexualChocolate]

I am not so good at telling jokes as you can see
Add your jokes !!!


What do you call a cheap circumcision?

Spoiler: Answer

A rip off

 

[Tiburcio]

Life is awesome

 

[Lowri]

My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping.








It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

 

[throwaway123]

Life is a game and I got the low score.

 

[Life sucks]

Swimming in the air is the solution

 

[throwaway123]

Why is this thread marked as "NSFW"?

 

[Mrs.O'Leary'sCow]

Ha. Sorry Tiburcio this was meant as a direct reply to "Life is awesome" but I'm too stupid to place it in the thread where it belongs.

 

[Mrs.O'Leary'sCow]

Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip.

Q: What did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

Q: Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she could moan with the other.

Q: Why did Karen Carpenter shoot her dog?
A: It kept trying to bury her.

Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
A: You feed the kids, I'll feed the fish.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.

Q: What did the seven dwarfs say when the prince woke Snow White?
A: Guess it's back to jerking off.

Q: How do you get hearing aids?
A: From listening to assholes.

Q: What did the octogenarian say when his doctor told him he had cancer and Alzheimer's?
A: Hey, at least I don't have cancer.

 

[mattwitt]

3 square meals a day will make you round

 

[Matty]

 

[Matty]

Why did God give men penises?

Spoiler: Sorry :)

So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

 

[Matty]

 

[M0D]

 

[Oblivion]

My life

 

[DeadLikeMe]

 

[Rollo]

So a dude died and ended up in Hell. Got all depressed but then took a look around and saw that the place is filled with Cannabis plants in fool bloom. All lift up he came up to one, saw that couple of buds fell off and are laying on the ground already fully dried. So he made a crude pipe out of whatever and put the crashed bud inside. A bunch of demons were standing nearby so he rolled to them 'Guys I need a light, do you have it?'. So a demon goes 'My man you're very confused - obviously if you could get a light here this place would be called Heaven'.

 

[thatguyakira123]

What do you call a bunch of prolife fucks jerking each other off?

Spoiler

r/timetogo

 

[Soon4me]

 

[Soon4me]

Banned Commercial

 

[Soon4me]

 

[wezel]

What a dog I got... he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

 

[mattwitt]

Banned Commercial

This reminded me of this one : )

 

[wezel]

Two blondes were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said Betty.
"Bet you $10 he won't," replied Amber. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second blonde hands the first her money.
"I can't take your money," said Betty. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no. Take it," said Amber. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

 

[mattwitt]

 

[Soon4me]

Spoiler:

Classified

 

[Mari]

 

[mattwitt]

lol ! at 3:05 but you still have to watch it from the beginning I guess

 

[WorthlessGirl]

 

[Oblivion]

.

 

[mattwitt]

This was going around my high school in 1991 / 1992