Joining a disorder community actually made things worse

[penguinl0v3s]

I joined a mainstream community focusing on autism once I'd realized that I have ASD. Thought it would be a positive experience, and at first it was. On the surface it was people complaining about unusual spoons, their sensory-safe foods, the like.

But when I joined and looked more closely at the posts, the messaging behind it is

1. "society doesn't want you to exist"
2. "if you be yourself everyone will hate you, but if you don't be yourself you'll develop burn out and anxiety"
3. "neurotypicals are manipulative and society rewards cruelty"
4. "no matter how hard you practice your social skills mean girls will see right through you and bully you"
5. "people are ignorant about mental illness and only pretend they accept"
6. "you'll always innate struggle more than others"

And I can't help feeling like this messaging is true? I've been excluded and bullied my whole life and only a subgroup of neurodivergents accept me. It really makes me feel like my life's value is worthless because I'm autistic.

People criticize me for making my ASD my whole personality, but how could it not be when my differences have (negatively) shaped everything in my life and is what defines all my issues?

 

[Saturn_]

This post made me realize a lot of things. I've seen those communities and honestly I get the same feeling from them. I walk out of them feeling ashamed. But I also realize that when I don't spend my time around those spaces or scrolling these subreddits, my mood improves and I feel like I have hope when it comes to my shortcomings and illnesses. These kinds of places have the tendency to become an echo chamber for people to commiserate with others who share their condition, because they don't have any other support network. I know many autistics with a great social life, who don't use those communities because, well, they don't need to. There's no easy solution to your problems, and it'll probably take hard work, but no one is destined to fail or destined to be alone. No one is destined to be friendless. The human race isn't collectively wired to reject your presence. You must remind yourself of this reality. You can learn how to adapt and acclimate if you discipline yourself enough. Maybe you won't become a social butterfly, but you could probably make a small group of friends who will support and uplift you if you look in the right places. And I believe in you.

 

[conflagration]

Your conclusions are correct. I think the best you can do is become as independent of society as possible. For me, Buddhism and meditation do the trick. It teaches you how to be alone and content with yourself.

 

[lament.]

I unfortunately agree with all of these points, but if someone is criticising you for making ASD your whole personality maybe just continue acting like you usually do without disclosing to new people that you have ASD, then maybe they will think that's just how you are without the negative connotations of a mental disorder. Also, realistically the people criticising you for this are not good people regardless so fuck them but still.

I think these kind of communities speak alot of truths but they are truths that we already know and don't need to have echoed in our ears 24/7. It's possible to make friends who like you for you just by being yourself but it's hard for most autistic people to admit that sincerely because it's easier to see the people who don't than it is to see the people who do.