Job hunting while extremely depressed

[JustHeckinKillMe]

I graduated with a master's degree in marketing and communications in 2019 when coronavirus has started and job offers weren't many since then. I still haven't found a job. I apply, get a few phones calls. But no job so far. But that's not even the worst part. My biggest fear is I won't be able to do the job if I get one because I'm severely depressed after an an assault I was traumatized( after having recovered from depression). The lawyer I hired to defend my case ended up stealing my money and ghosting me and women's rights situation is not good where I live so my abuser is free with no consequences (he tried to kill me and he beat me and was going to stab me with a knife). My only hope at finding a job and being motivated to keep my search is to be better mentally first. After my attack I saw my psychiatrist and asked him if I'm gonna recover like last time and he said yes but I've been on the same meds that worked for me , for 3 months now and it's like I'm not taking meds at all. They are useless and have no effect. I will see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm very nervous and scared of what he will say after I tell him the meds did not help me. All I do all day is apply for jobs and the rest of the day I overthink and remember bad memories and feel extremely triggered and avoid the triggers. The triggers are everywhere. In movies, videos, simple facebook posts to the point that I don't wanna watch anything and the day is hard to end. I long to the night when I can rest. That if I don't get nightmares about the things I'm trying to avoid. I've been idealizing suicide a lot but I know I can't do it. I'm tired.. I am so behind my ex classmates. I had a bad life and still do. My parents are separated and that played a role in my depression too. I am now staying with my abusive mom until I move alone to an apartment we have in a different city. I'm horrified of living alone but I have to. She abused me my whole life so I don't wanna live with her. But I came because my depression got so bad I had to come and to see my doctor because my appointment is tomorrow. So the day after tomorrow I will leave to live alone again. Please tell me if you think there is hope for me? Will I recover and keep looking for a job and find one? Or will I have to live like this forever? Tell me about your experience.. If you work while depressed or job hunt while depressed, how do you manage to do it?

 

[StarryStarry]

I am so sorry you're struggling with this shit. I understand completely. Worked for an attorney (I have over 20 years experience) who called me a fucking bitch, and a bunch of other shit that absolutely destroyed me mentally, emotionally and professionally. He then lied so I wouldn't get unemployment, then he told other attorneys not to hire me. So I've been unemployed for a very long time. Running out of money and no where to go except ctb. You sound as if you are young and smart. IF you can get a degree in marketing you can do anything. I understand your depression, but I honestly believe you can get out in the job market and find a job. Try employment agencies or maybe even teach for a while until you find something else. You hang in there - you will find something and let all the assholes of the world go.

 

[timf]

When you move, you might be able to find a support group so you won't feel so alone.

Sometimes prospective employers are looking for a happy chipper employee. However, they will often also be interested in a "nose to the grindstone" employee. You might not be able to feign a bubbly personality, but you could present yourself as a dedicated "get the job done" sort of person.

 

[StarryStarry]

When you move, you might be able to find a support group so you won't feel so alone.

Sometimes prospective employers are looking for a happy chipper employee. However, they will often also be interested in a "nose to the grindstone" employee. You might not be able to feign a bubbly personality, but you could present yourself as a dedicated "get the job done" sort of person.

I know your words were not meant for me, but struck a cord with me - you have actually given me hope - thank you so much!

 

[MaskedMan12345]

I feel so much for you and the person who responded and was also the victim of such incredible malevolence. I have similar severe things that feel like they fried me. I couldn't speak for abt six months. If it weren't for my mom, I would have ended it. That and the burning for revenge of course. Unlikely I'd ever act on those feelings of revenge, but there's still a tremendous amount of rage and revenge fantasy.

Yes, I know you will not be in this state wherein everything is a trigger and like a time bomb ready to go off. It's terrifying to be the victim of evil, violent people (and psychologically violent as well), It's all the worse when there are seemingly or de facto no consequences for these bastards.

My heart's with you both. I don't pray, but I will carry you in my thoughts as I do my magickal practice (I bought two books on revenge magick written by Gordon Winterfield: Magickal Attack; and, Angels of Wrath). This is my form of therapy. Oh, the Knock "Em Dead job books really helped me, as did Barbara Sher's books on idea parties and mutual barn-raising.
www.barbarasher.com Wishing you both healing and good fortune.