Venting Job, frustration and demotivation

[Eren]

One of the things that bothers me the most is my difficulty in maintaining attention and possibly low IQ, everything costs me more than others. I'm a programmer, and I feel like I'm stuck, I'm always behind the others.

To this is added my depression, before I put 120% at work and did not get anything, now I simply have no motivation to even try. In fact sometimes I even think I wish they fired me, so maybe it would be easier for ctb. since although I don't want to fail in my ctb, I am afraid of ending up in a hospital and having to give explanations in my work, that would be horrible.

 

[ecmnesia]

this sucks, I feel you. only way you can work this out (at least that's how I see it) is planning your attempt as much as possible. choose a safe, with high succeed rates method, and plan everything so that will be no one around to find you and take you to a hospital.

I wanted to finish with something nice, but I guess "stay safe" and "I hope you get better" would not do.

 

[Dead beat dad]

One of the things that bothers me the most is my difficulty in maintaining attention and possibly low IQ, everything costs me more than others. I'm a programmer, and I feel like I'm stuck, I'm always behind the others.

To this is added my depression, before I put 120% at work and did not get anything, now I simply have no motivation to even try. In fact sometimes I even think I wish they fired me, so maybe it would be easier for ctb. since although I don't want to fail in my ctb, I am afraid of ending up in a hospital and having to give explanations in my work, that would be horrible.

Friend I feel this.
I actually quite like my job but I am dumber than a bag of hammers which makes it really hard to progress, also the crippling inertia of depression means you just spin around in place getting more and more depressed... I suppose its called a spiral for a reason.
The shit thing is; you may know what to do to leave your slump/ rut/ conundrum, whatever you want to call it, but in my case knowing what to do doesn't equal how to do it and that is the fucking lamentable misery of it all.
I'm so sorry that you're in this pain friend and going through this shit. I really wish I could say or do something that might help, or better yet empower you to take the fight to the source of your depression and knock seven shades out it.
All I can offer is my love and the hope that things look up for you. You're not alone friend, I want light to shine on you and however that happens for peace to be with you.
Love and respect friend.
DBD

 

[Eren]

this sucks, I feel you. only way you can work this out (at least that's how I see it) is planning your attempt as much as possible. choose a safe, with high succeed rates method, and plan everything so that will be no one around to find you and take you to a hospital.

I wanted to finish with something nice, but I guess "stay safe" and "I hope you get better" would not do.

You're right, although I think that when I was clear about it and had the method ready, I would quit my job, just in case.

 

[EssenceFocus]

I know this...
Boring, unmotivating jobs are one of my problems.
Some time ago I thought about starting an education to be a programmer. But I noticed it was as boring as my current job.
Since years I am on an odyssey to find something fitting for me.
But I found out, that the big problem is not only the work you have to do in the job. It is the whole capitalism system with money etc.
I can't see any valueable in something so restrictive.

Everything is getting more and more expensive. I am searching for an apartment at the moment and most of them are so expensive. I will only work to live in the new apartment and I will only have the apartment to be able to work, it's a circle.

I am looking forward to the time, money will cease to exist, but that will take a bit...

Edit:

You're right, although I think that when I was clear about it and had the method ready, I would quit my job, just in case.

Sometimes, even if you wouldn't think it is possible, there can be a thought or a feeling all of a sudden when you are about to ctb, which will stop you from doing it. If you still have your job then, then you can try again if you wish, if not then it can be more difficult.

I would stay in the job, just in case.

 

[Eren]

Friend I feel this.
I actually quite like my job but I am dumber than a bag of hammers which makes it really hard to progress, also the crippling inertia of depression means you just spin around in place getting more and more depressed... I suppose its called a spiral for a reason.
The shit thing is; you may know what to do to leave your slump/ rut/ conundrum, whatever you want to call it, but in my case knowing what to do doesn't equal how to do it and that is the fucking lamentable misery of it all.
I'm so sorry that you're in this pain friend and going through this shit. I really wish I could say or do something that might help, or better yet empower you to take the fight to the source of your depression and knock seven shades out it.
All I can offer is my love and the hope that things look up for you. You're not alone friend, I want light to shine on you and however that happens for peace to be with you.
Love and respect friend.
DBD

Thank you, I really appreciate your words. Empathy and understanding are often what one needs the most, even more than good advice.