ElectroshockBlues
Member
- Nov 15, 2021
- 9
I'm having a dilemma. I've come to the conclusion that I want to die. I've known of this conclusion for as long as I can remember. I've had half-assed attempts to end my life over 10 times since I was 11. I had one that almost worked when I was 18, if my friend didn't help me I would have been dead. I was so mad when I woke up in the hospital and all I can remember is how people were mad at me. How can someone be mad at someone for attempting their life? Anyways, that's beside the point. My current issue is my emotional mind wants to die but my logical mind is preventing me to do so. I can't figure out a sure-fire way to go. I have so many pills in this house that I could go that way but it's not guaranteed. With my luck, I will fail as I have done many times before and just have everyone upset at me making it worse and worse for me over the course of time. The risk of not dying with the attempt is making it hard to attempt at all. I'd rather live a miserable rest of my life than end up in a coma or be a vegetable for the rest of my life. I want to die SO desperately but I can't stop the worry of it not working. All I know is I will take my life one day some way or another. I can't stand myself anymore.