Venting Jealousy

[Cookiedough8956]

I know this is gonna be kind of fucked up... But I envy my boyfriend. I have severe social anxiety, that stops me from going ANYWHERE, I absolutely hate it. GOing to and from work is a damn obstacle in itself.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, hangs out and goes to many places with his friend(s), He has a blast. (Don't get me wrong- he does invite me, i just decline 99% of the time)

I get snappy and ignore him whenever he goes out - because..it's so unfair : (. why do I have to have stupid anxiety and all these other things!? I'm alone in my room, just sitting there. He messages me throughout the day, but i start to think "Why the hell are you messaging a loser like me..when you're having a blast"

Anyone can relate? : /
Feel so awful..

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Yes, both my brother and sister are extremely social. Everybody loves them. My reasons aren't social anxiety though. I don't really know why

 

[SMarie1204]

I'm past social..I understand the jealousy. Not his fault or yours, just envious that some people have it right and I just don't.

 

[ultraviolet sin]

I know this is gonna be kind of fucked up... But I envy my boyfriend. I have severe social anxiety, that stops me from going ANYWHERE, I absolutely hate it. GOing to and from work is a damn obstacle in itself.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, hangs out and goes to many places with his friend(s), He has a blast. (Don't get me wrong- he does invite me, i just decline 99% of the time)

I get snappy and ignore him whenever he goes out - because..it's so unfair : (. why do I have to have stupid anxiety and all these other things!? I'm alone in my room, just sitting there. He messages me throughout the day, but i start to think "Why the hell are you messaging a loser like me..when you're having a blast"

Anyone can relate? : /
Feel so awful..

Yeh... I'm very snippy when my loved ones goes out and does things having fun. Example, last Friday I bought us tickets to a concert, but due to my anxiety I bailed and told her to give the spare ticket to her friend.

It's been 3 days and I'm still moody toward her. And it's my fault, this is insanity.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Yeh... I'm very snippy when my loved ones goes out and does things having fun. Example, last Friday I bought us tickets to a concert, but due to my anxiety I bailed and told her to give the spare ticket to her friend.

It's been 3 days and I'm still moody toward her. And it's my fault, this is insanity.

Oh boy and then I get the whole
"I don't deserve it... you're being unfair"
and while in my head 'yes you do!"

Yeah..rude. but ...can't help it : (

 

[ultraviolet sin]

Exactly! I feel like I'm holding her back from living her best life. All the while, asking, "Why do I feel like this?"

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Exactly! I feel like I'm holding her back from living her best life. All the while, asking, "Why do I feel like this?"

Yes same! Like at one point i'm like
nooo wallow in misery with me.. dont go anywhere!
then on the other
Just go! Go have fun! Be happy your not cursed with this.

I really don't like it when he does message me throughout the day... i mean its nice, he thinks about me, but it's like he's "showing off" you know? Oh look at me ... i'm having a great time...you know why? Cause i'm not you!

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yeah I kind of feel like this, but maybe jealousy is the wrong word. Like I don't even want to be out anywhere. Give me a movie and a snack and I'm totally happy. I guess it's more like embarrassment mostly. Like I have to pretend I was doing more than I was to others. They always have these busy, full lives and I just do fuck all. So like I sometimes feel compelled to cover up the fact that I just sat on the computer for 8 hours while they were out living life.

 

[Memento Mori]

I really don't like it when he does message me throughout the day... i mean its nice, he thinks about me, but it's like he's "showing off" you know? Oh look at me ... i'm having a great time...you know why? Cause i'm not you!

sounds like theres no way for him to make it right or better for you, except doing nothing too. but if he's not that type of person then your relationship is kinda unhealthy for both of you. are you planning to fix that with yourself to at least accept it? if you wait some longer this will take a bad ending.

since i'm alone now i don't have to care about that anymore (yet i'm still doing it), so i actually don't have to accept anything myself. no idea yet how to fix something that doesn't want to be fixed

 

[Cookiedough8956]

sounds like theres no way for him to make it right or better for you, except doing nothing too. but if he's not that type of person then your relationship is kinda unhealthy for both of you. are you planning to fix that with yourself to at least accept it? if you wait some longer this will take a bad ending.

since i'm alone now i don't have to care about that anymore (yet i'm still doing it), so i actually don't have to accept anything myself. no idea yet how to fix something that doesn't want to be fixed

I"m trying to rationalize.. it's real difficult. He understands, and tries to calm me down. I just can't help feel jealous he could do so many things.
I am always open though- about how i'm feelings. Perhaps a little too open : /

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I know this is gonna be kind of fucked up... But I envy my boyfriend. I have severe social anxiety, that stops me from going ANYWHERE, I absolutely hate it. GOing to and from work is a damn obstacle in itself.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, hangs out and goes to many places with his friend(s), He has a blast. (Don't get me wrong- he does invite me, i just decline 99% of the time)

I get snappy and ignore him whenever he goes out - because..it's so unfair : (. why do I have to have stupid anxiety and all these other things!? I'm alone in my room, just sitting there. He messages me throughout the day, but i start to think "Why the hell are you messaging a loser like me..when you're having a blast"

Anyone can relate? : /
Feel so awful..

I can relate to this, my wife loves to go out and easily gets friends. I have so much social anxiety! I'm also nearly unable to pick up the phone or call people. I already lost job opportunities because of that.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I can relate to this, my wife loves to go out and easily gets friends. I have so much social anxiety! I'm also nearly unable to pick up the phone or call people. I already lost job opportunities because of that.

Same!! My boss always tell me
hey why havent you called this client, or that client. Call them!
I freaking can't!! Thank God.. theres such a thing as email. lol

I also missed shit ton of interviews..

 

[ultraviolet sin]

Same!! My boss always tell me
hey why havent you called this client, or that client. Call them!
I freaking can't!! Thank God.. theres such a thing as email. lol

I also missed shit ton of interviews..

I dunno how I would have made it through my early 20s without Xanax...lol

 

[Psilo]

Yes, both my brother and sister are extremely social.

Same here. I'm the black sheep in the family, someone had to... right? lol

 

[netrezven]

I have been on both sides - very social, and very by myself. Being social, going out a lot, meeting people you like, people who like you and so on, means only one thing - you are just closing your eyes to the real world in witch you have to survive or compete. People who just like you - are complete waste of time->if you consider them friends or people who care about you. It's simple as that - they are people who like you and nothing more.
On the other side is very beneficial to be around all kind of people, knowing how to analyse and deal with them. For me this is one of the most important skills in life. And there is only one way to improve that skill - by meeting people, braking "borders", saying the wrong stuff, keeping your mouth shut, and in the end if your are f*cked up enough - you will stop "closing your eyes".

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Same here. I'm the black sheep in the family, someone had to... right? lol

It's the best time of my life man! Why else would I be on here?

 

[Alchemist]

I know the feeling. I feel mad with envy every time I see people talking to each other because I'm unable to do the same.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I relate to this 100%. I have severe anxiety and I'm very anxious in social settings. I am also easily triggered because of ptsd so going out can be very painful for me. However my bf is extremely out going and has tons of friends. I do envy him. I only have internet friends so I don't get out much and I envy how he is so comfortable and witty in social situations.

I get upset and moody when he goes out because deep down I wish anxiety didn't ruin my life and I wish I could just relax and have fun without constantly worrying.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

However my bf is extremely out going and has tons of friends. I do envy him. I only have internet friends so I don't get out much and I envy how he is so comfortable and witty in social situations.

I get upset and moody when he goes out because deep down I wish anxiety didn't ruin my life and I wish I could just relax and have fun without constantly worrying.

Exactly... its so painful to watch : ( its like a reminder of how much i'm missing out. I dont' even ask about how his night wen with his firends..i wanna hear nothing about it : (

It also hurts that I have to keep declining..
I do wanna spend time with him, but its not gonna be much fun when 90% of the time i'll be internally panicking and silent. and looking down : /

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Exactly... its so painful to watch : ( its like a reminder of how much i'm missing out. I dont' even ask about how his night wen with his firends..i wanna hear nothing about it : (

It also hurts that I have to keep declining..
I do wanna spend time with him, but its not gonna be much fun when 90% of the time i'll be internally panicking and silent. and looking down : /

:( I decline too when he asks me to go out with him. It sucks because I have to be drunk to have a halfway decent time. It hurts because he has said to me he wishes I could be "normal" and just relax. I just feel like few people understand how hard it is for those of us with anxiety to go out and do anything. I even struggle to get groceries let alone socialize and talk to strangers or his loud friends.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

:( I decline too when he asks me to go out with him. It sucks because I have to be drunk to have a halfway decent time. It hurts because he has said to me he wishes I could be "normal" and just relax. I just feel like few people understand how hard it is for those of us with anxiety to go out and do anything. I even struggle to get groceries let alone socialize and talk to strangers or his loud friends.

Omg i'm in the same boat. Except I can't drink.. bars are DEF a no go. I have literally like a hanful of safe zones..and imagine how boring it'd be going there over and over.
That must hurt- when he says "normal"..ouch. My bf doesn't understand it personally either- "lucky" for him, his mom and brother has anxiety, so he has some sort of an idea. But if you're not going through it personally- you won't understand how much it destroys your life, how much of a nightmare it is.

I feel so out of place if his friends are here. so many damn thoughts are whirling in my head..i always just wanna go home!

 

[Alchemist]

Omg i'm in the same boat. Except I can't drink.. bars are DEF a no go. I have literally like a hanful of safe zones..and imagine how boring it'd be going there over and over.
That must hurt- when he says "normal"..ouch. My bf doesn't understand it personally either- "lucky" for him, his mom and brother has anxiety, so he has some sort of an idea. But if you're not going through it personally- you won't understand how much it destroys your life, how much of a nightmare it is.

I feel so out of place if his friends are here. so many damn thoughts are whirling in my head..i always just wanna go home!

I feel the same about bars and with age I started to dislike alcohol. The worst is that I know I have nobody to blame except myself and that the anger I feel just shows how I'm a piece of shit that deserves no love.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I feel the same about bars and with age I started to dislike alcohol. The worst is that I know I have nobody to blame except myself and that the anger I feel just shows how I'm a piece of shit that deserves no love.

I'm sorry you feel this way... I really can relate.
I wish we didn't have to go through this...

 

[Alchemist]

I'm sorry you feel this way... I really can relate.
I wish we didn't have to go through this...

I wish the same. It feels like having someone come to talk about random stuff is basically impossible.

 

[Kyrok]

Analogous situation here. Not only am I not comfortable at parties or chit chat, but due to chronic pain I'm mostly stuck at home. My wife goes out with her friends, for a meal, to the movies, etc.. But we're old. I don't think she would have been ok with that if we were in our 20s or 30s.

She was pretty frustrated with me a couple years back when we went to Chicago for her birthday, but by the second day, I was in too much pain to leave the hotel.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Analogous situation here. Not only am I not comfortable at parties or chit chat, but due to chronic pain I'm mostly stuck at home. My wife goes out with her friends, for a meal, to the movies, etc.. But we're old. I don't think she would have been ok with that if we were in our 20s or 30s.

She was pretty frustrated with me a couple years back when we went to Chicago for her birthday, but by the second day, I was in too much pain to leave the hotel.

That really sucks... I feel by bf is internally frustrated too. Always tells me - i really wish you could come, are you sure, think about it..let me know, etc...
I went a handful of times with him to "out of safe" places. ... and each time i faced like a million triggers..and I always spiraled the next few weeks.
Its so stupid.

 

[Kyrok]

That really sucks... I feel by bf is internally frustrated too. Always tells me - i really wish you could come, are you sure, think about it..let me know, etc...
I went a handful of times with him to "out of safe" places. ... and each time i faced like a million triggers..and I always spiraled the next few weeks.
Its so stupid.

For the health of your relationship maybe work out a compromise: a quiet restaurant, afternoon in the park, etc.. relationships need to grow through new, shared experiences.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

For the health of your relationship maybe work out a compromise: a quiet restaurant, afternoon in the park, etc.. relationships need to grow through new, shared experiences.

Yes fortunately we have talked about it and he is willing to start out with whatever is comfortable to me.He's understanding, I just feel bad you know- i feel like i'm just being an annoyance to him.

We did the park! I'm slightly bit more comfortable with that one.. it was a nice quiet one.

 

[Memento Mori]

I just feel bad you know- i feel like i'm just being an annoyance to him.

as long as you feel that way you will fuck up somehow
i made that experience and talking was not enough.
how long do you think will this work? i mean stuff like your park idea. it's a solution for now, but i'd say: working on self-worth is the most important
wish you the best

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Well I can say that I totally relate to what your getting at. I saw this thread last night but could not think of anything helpful, since I deal with these similar issues & also couldn't really think clear. The one thing I was thinking about is that it wasn't always like that. As a kid I used to enjoy going out. When I had friends who would ditch me around middle school, before the panic/anxiety/depression I would actually walk back to my home & then sit in an area, hiding for a few hours because I didn't want my parents to know I got ditched / left out again. Cuz making them feel bad only made me feel worse.

But the other thing that I related to is the feeling of holding someone back or getting upset when you hear they are out having fun. I've been messed up like this for a while, so I purposely don't have social media as it generally just makes me feel worse. Sorry I guess I still didn't have anything helpful to say, but figured I'd share anyway.