Venting Jaded

[iglooblimp]

I tried not to feed the negative thoughts, tried to keep on thinking positively.

Earlier this year I made a promise to myself that if I couldn't find a job out of this country, a good-paying job that can sustain me and my family then I'll ctb. If I'm just a waste of space, can't contribute to anything, give back to the people I love, then there's really no reason for me to be here. My continued existence would just feed off their funds and weariness, and I don't want to live my life like this, feeling like shit, looking at my friends who've succeeded because they made the right choice, they had the financial assistance.

It's paradoxical, my wanting to ctb because I haven't been able to contribute to my family, but if I do ctb then that'll hurt my family in other ways. It's for their best. They deserved a better child, anyway.

I'm just tired of waiting for an opportunity to break this cycle. Seeing my friends live the lives they've wanted, reaching their goals, is becoming less and less of a positive motivation for me to become better, and more of a push towards the edge.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I can totally relate to what you're saying. It sucks to see the people you know succeed and you're falling flat on your face. It sounds like you have a supportive family, if so, you're extremely lucky. My family is worth shit. It makes it even harder to pick myself back up. I wish you the best.

 

[iglooblimp]

I can totally relate to what you're saying. It sucks to see the people you know succeed and you're falling flat on your face. It sounds like you have a supportive family, if so, you're extremely lucky. My family is worth shit. It makes it even harder to pick myself back up. I wish you the best.

Thanks. I hope things'll look up for you as well.

 

[JimFord99]

Keep up the good spirits, not all is lost.