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wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 319
apologies if my grammar is especially bad, i'm so tired.
sleep used to be the only thing i could look forward to, now it's a source of anxiety for me. night time has become rhe part of my day that i dread the most. can't have shit
i can't sleep knowing that i have nothing positive waiting for me after i wake up.
i can't just close my eyes and wait for sleep to come. as soon as i close my eyes, i start thinking about a million different things. i try to think about happier things, but all of the joy i've experienced has come and gone and it won't return. i think about fun memories, my old friends, and some miscellaneous things that brought me happiness in the past. reminiscing on those happy things just reminds me of how sad i am now, i'll never experience any of that again. i start to feel distraught when i think about these things. i can't just shut my brain off and sleep. i can't even be passively depressed, these things make me want to break down and puke, which usually ends up happening. this all happens each time i try to sleep, so now i'm really scared to sleep, even when i'm really exhausted—which i always am. i dread these stupid breakdowns, it lasts so long and i still can't sleep after they're over because i still feel so anxious afterwards. i resort to cutting or hitting myself, so i feel a lot worse the next day and i usually have a huge mess to clean up. these are the only things that provide some sort of distraction, but they still fail to help most of the time. i'd be okay if i had an actual distraction. i've tried everything i else, nothing helps. everything just makes it worse, but just waiting there and trying to sleep is the absolute worst. i can't take meds because it will interfere with my job. i just wait for my body to completely give in so i fall asleep without even thinking about it. by the time that happens, it's already super late at night/super early in the morning and i have to get up soon after. the sleep i actually do get is still shit.
i would like to know if anyone else is dealing with this. any advice would be appreciated, i'm reallt struggling with this.
please don't recommend drugs, i don't have immediate access to any and even if i obtain some, i can't take any because of my job.
sleep used to be the only thing i could look forward to, now it's a source of anxiety for me. night time has become rhe part of my day that i dread the most. can't have shit
i can't sleep knowing that i have nothing positive waiting for me after i wake up.
i can't just close my eyes and wait for sleep to come. as soon as i close my eyes, i start thinking about a million different things. i try to think about happier things, but all of the joy i've experienced has come and gone and it won't return. i think about fun memories, my old friends, and some miscellaneous things that brought me happiness in the past. reminiscing on those happy things just reminds me of how sad i am now, i'll never experience any of that again. i start to feel distraught when i think about these things. i can't just shut my brain off and sleep. i can't even be passively depressed, these things make me want to break down and puke, which usually ends up happening. this all happens each time i try to sleep, so now i'm really scared to sleep, even when i'm really exhausted—which i always am. i dread these stupid breakdowns, it lasts so long and i still can't sleep after they're over because i still feel so anxious afterwards. i resort to cutting or hitting myself, so i feel a lot worse the next day and i usually have a huge mess to clean up. these are the only things that provide some sort of distraction, but they still fail to help most of the time. i'd be okay if i had an actual distraction. i've tried everything i else, nothing helps. everything just makes it worse, but just waiting there and trying to sleep is the absolute worst. i can't take meds because it will interfere with my job. i just wait for my body to completely give in so i fall asleep without even thinking about it. by the time that happens, it's already super late at night/super early in the morning and i have to get up soon after. the sleep i actually do get is still shit.
i would like to know if anyone else is dealing with this. any advice would be appreciated, i'm reallt struggling with this.
please don't recommend drugs, i don't have immediate access to any and even if i obtain some, i can't take any because of my job.
