Venting i've started cutting again after 9 years

[une vie grotesque]

everything feels like a burden. i've started a discord server so my online and irl friends and mutuals could play, talk and watch things together. most of the times i've cried or felt bad this year was because of things related to that server. also, i've ramped up tmy usage of alcohol and cocaine in the last few months. i've stopped going to the library science classes. i just want to go back to being a neet hikikomori honestly. i love my friends but everything hurts all the time. i don't think it'll ever get better.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What kinds of problems were you having with the server?

 

[maneose]

i think if the server is making you feel worse than better it's probably best to figure out the reason it is. Is it the people inside, are you feeling isolated in it, or are there issues that make it feel worse? It's best to address the root of the cause before it gets worse because it will bubble up. you shouldn't surround yourself around people that make your life worse even if it prevents your loneliness because eventually you'll have a falling out because of it. (not saying this is your issue but if it is) i would try to harm reduction for your substance use if you aren't already (if there is for those two) but personally, i believe everything can get better, even just a little bit so even if you revert back to your neet self as long as you're here there's a chance of happiness.