Venting i’ve never felt so betrayed

[snailboy]

i've had a recent falling-out with a long time friend (previous posts explain more) and through it all i've been venting about it all to my mom.

she's always been there for me and was rightfully angry when i told her what my ex friend had said about me. she immediately said she was going to call her and tell her off but i begged her not to get involved and she agreed. i made her promise not to contact any of my ex friends or their parents as it would be just plain humiliating as we're all basically adults ourselves (seniors in hs) and she promised she wouldn't. i appreciate her letting me vent but i wanted to handle my own problems.

today i found out that she went to one of my ex friends house to return some clothes and while she was there lectured said friend on the mean things they had said to me.

she told me this when she got home as if i'd be appreciative but i freaked out, asking her why she'd do something like that when she promised not to and said how humiliating it was. she acted surprised and said "okay i broke the promise, sorry" but that was it.

i just got back from work and i've been sobbing and panicking. i still have to see this ex friend on a daily basis at school and work and my mom doing this had made things exponentially worse and uncomfortable. it makes it look like i sent her to deal with my friends which is so fucking weird if you didn't know the full story. i don't ever want to share any of my personal issues with her again if she's going to take things into her own hands like this. im honestly mortified.

 

[FuneralCry]

Unfortunately in this cruel world you just cannot trust and rely on people which is why to me it's for the best not to open up to them at all. Other people can very easily just make things worse and create more problems. But anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[incorporationated]

While I definitely think opening up to people can help and is healthy, my advice is to not trust her with this again, or atleast for a while. I disagree with not opening up to anyone at all, I think just pick them more carefully and make sure they really are trustworthy. If you can try venting to someone you trust more or you can let it out here. Anything you're comfortable with! I'm sorry you had to deal with this, and I hope things get better for you. I'd say confront your mom about it like, "Hey [Mom], I really don't appreciate you taking matters into your own hands, if you keep doing this I won't open up to you again." or something. If that doesn't work try venting to other people/places. SaSu is here to listen to you anyway. I hope things get better.

 

[Viranamari]

It's terrible how something that is important to you gets taken so lightly by your mother. I suppose in the end, more often than not, humans cause others to feel worse. I don't suggest venting to her anymore. Instead, you can just vent here on SS and if you ever feel comfortable to vent to her, then you can, though it's not ideal considering what she did. Anyways, I wish you luck.

 

[ireallylikemangoes]

She probably had good intentions, but I don't believe she's to be trusted with this anymore. She likely believed being honest and confronting the ex friend was the best idea but she betrayed YOUR trust and what YOU wanted and that's not a good quality to have.

If i were in your shoes, I'd probably not speak to her about this again as she seems like she would brush it off as nothing, or worse take matters into her own hands again. If you ever need someone to talk to about this, you can always come here

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

I unfortunately learned much later in life that if you don't want something known don't tell anyone. Everyone tells someone, even if the someone doesn't know you. The problem is that people don't consider that there's really 2 degrees of separation between people, not 6 as they say, in this multi-connected world esp. with the existence of social media.

I'm sorry you had to learn this lesson in this way at this time. Of all people, a mother should at least be a trustworthy source. "Friends" may do this as well. Consider that your ex-friend may un-malitiously tell others things you previously shared in confidence.

It amazes me that these things happen regularly and people still wonder why some don't divulge other more personal things such as suicidal thoughts. If one can't be trusted with something so obviously sensitive, why would you trust them with something else so deeply personal?

While this situation may feel awkward for a long while, there will come a time that you will appreciate that this happened. From here on, you will be both cautious and reluctant to share anything really personal on any level with anyone.


I've found that its best to talk to people you don't know. Sometimes I go into venues in random cities give a fake name and pour my heart out. It gives me the opportunity to vent while maintaining my dignity and reputation in my regular daily life.

It's a great thing that you also have SaSu. You can talk with someone on the other side of the world with reasonably high confidence that the information will never get out assuming you're careful.

 

[Unattainable666]

i've had a recent falling-out with a long time friend (previous posts explain more) and through it all i've been venting about it all to my mom.

she's always been there for me and was rightfully angry when i told her what my ex friend had said about me. she immediately said she was going to call her and tell her off but i begged her not to get involved and she agreed. i made her promise not to contact any of my ex friends or their parents as it would be just plain humiliating as we're all basically adults ourselves (seniors in hs) and she promised she wouldn't. i appreciate her letting me vent but i wanted to handle my own problems.

today i found out that she went to one of my ex friends house to return some clothes and while she was there lectured said friend on the mean things they had said to me.

she told me this when she got home as if i'd be appreciative but i freaked out, asking her why she'd do something like that when she promised not to and said how humiliating it was. she acted surprised and said "okay i broke the promise, sorry" but that was it.

i just got back from work and i've been sobbing and panicking. i still have to see this ex friend on a daily basis at school and work and my mom doing this had made things exponentially worse and uncomfortable. it makes it look like i sent her to deal with my friends which is so fucking weird if you didn't know the full story. i don't ever want to share any of my personal issues with her again if she's going to take things into her own hands like this. im honestly mortified.

I am so sorry your mother betrayed your trust. Parents don't always know what is in the best interest of their child. I wouldn't confide in her anymore and if she asks you why - you can let her know that you trusted her this time and she betrayed you. I don't know if she feels bad about what she has done . Don't feel bad about yourself for trusting her. You were very brave to do that.