Venting i've had it. i'm gonna ctb in a nearby forest in a few minutes

[The Tablet]

i'm a piece of shit. i feel like i've annoyed the only person i want to talk to and that they hate me. i'm annoying. i'm immature. nobody wants to be around me longer than they have to, and for good reason. i'm pathetic. i hope that all the people i've hurt can find peace, and that the people i've annoyed/pissed off will be somewhat happy that i'm gone.

i know i haven't been too active on here, but i just want to say thank you to everyone who's so much as reacted to my messages. there's not much else i can say beyond that without sounding disingenuous so... i'll leave you with this:

a tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aimes
je dois partir
these are the last words
i'll ever speak
and they'll set me free....

~ Dave Mustaine/Megadeth, A Tout Le Monde (Youthanasia, 1997)

 

[Tomoko]

I wish you the best no matter what the future holds for you. Good luck.

 

[316]

i hope you find peace

 

[Bot]

Whatever You decide i wish you peace, its never too late to step back if it doesnt feel right

Sending Huggs

 

[deathisnear]

Wishing you peace friend!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I wish you peace if this is your decision.

 

[mossyfox]

I hope you find happiness and wish you peace

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[Snake of Eden]

i'm a piece of shit. i feel like i've annoyed the only person i want to talk to and that they hate me. i'm annoying. i'm immature. nobody wants to be around me longer than they have to, and for good reason. i'm pathetic. i hope that all the people i've hurt can find peace, and that the people i've annoyed/pissed off will be somewhat happy that i'm gone.

i know i haven't been too active on here, but i just want to say thank you to everyone who's so much as reacted to my messages. there's not much else i can say beyond that without sounding disingenuous so... i'll leave you with this:

a tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aimes
je dois partir
these are the last words
i'll ever speak
and they'll set me free....

~ Dave Mustaine/Megadeth, A Tout Le Monde (Youthanasia, 1997)

You sound reactive right now as result of being shunned from having a social interaction and you are venting. I dont mean to undermine your willingness to ctb but i hope you took time to think it through and it is really what you want to do rather than what it feels like to be done in this moment. Either way i wish you well

 

[Regen]

I feel that you want to leave now because of a conflict with a person. I think it is not a good idea to commit suicide out of affect and because of a person. You write that you think this person is upset. But have you asked him/her? I know this is not what you want to hear from me now. I tried several times to go in affect and this argument would not have interested me. But I can't watch you leave without saying could you please reconsider for a day. I'm sorry, I had to write this to you.

If you are sure you want to end your life now, I sincerely wish you the best of luck and a peaceful journey. I can feel your pain and understand it. May your soul be in eternal love and peace!

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I think it's wise of some to post questions about you going.. You do sound upset and fed up. Perhaps take a step back. Or not. I don't know. I just can't say: Addios...easily. The French you wrote is beautiful.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Farewell. I'm sorry to hear that your life was not successful. I hope your exit will be.

 

[Mr2005]

i'm a piece of shit. i feel like i've annoyed the only person i want to talk to and that they hate me. i'm annoying. i'm immature. nobody wants to be around me longer than they have to, and for good reason. i'm pathetic. i hope that all the people i've hurt can find peace, and that the people i've annoyed/pissed off will be somewhat happy that i'm gone.

i know i haven't been too active on here, but i just want to say thank you to everyone who's so much as reacted to my messages. there's not much else i can say beyond that without sounding disingenuous so... i'll leave you with this:

a tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aimes
je dois partir
these are the last words
i'll ever speak
and they'll set me free....

~ Dave Mustaine/Megadeth, A Tout Le Monde (Youthanasia, 1997)

A close friend wants that played at his funeral. I hope that's not for a long time

 

[logan]

As some have already written, you should not make such a decision out of such a situation.

At least sleep on it again.

 

[The Tablet]

update: i'm just outside the forest. i'll admit, it was really hard to get up and go cuz something just paralyzed me. idk what. also i have this thing where i suddenly start thinking "what if" this, "what about" that right when i'm on the cusp of freedom.

i can only name one time where i managed to fully, truly let go of the world and make peace with the idea of death. i remember i wasn't scared. i felt nothing but a sort of peace. by the way, how do i achieve that again..? my heart is racing and i've got this terrible feeling in my gut that won't go away...

i don't have a good transition, but... i really don't want to go without saying thank you all so much for your well wishes and general love. like seriously. i wasn't expecting so many people to reply with so much kindness. i'll try to respond to some of you real quick while i'm here before i venture where mobile data is likely spotty.

You sound reactive right now as result of being shunned from having a social interaction and you are venting. I dont mean to undermine your willingness to ctb but i hope you took time to think it through and it is really what you want to do rather than what it feels like to be done in this moment. Either way i wish you well

in this case, that may be true, but even if it weren't, i still feel like a future where i'm alive would just be an endless cycle of:
- life getting microscopically better
- life suddenly becoming infinitely worse
- me attempting suicide
- me failing

everyone seems to be getting better and going somewhere in life... everyone, that is, but me. i'm stuck in the aforementioned perpetual time loop that i don't know how to break out of. everyone grows past me at some point, because i, for some reason, can't change.

i don't want to go through this over and over, i don't want to be crying in bed, searching up methods and making plans that fail what seems like every two goddamn weeks.
nobody deserves to have to live the same nightmare over and over again without pause. and the people around me sure as hell don't deserve to be pulled along on my hellish rollercoaster.

i've come to terms with the fact that i'm, sadly, too far gone to be saved by therapy or medication. even if today's perceived rejection didn't happen, the fact remains that even if i wanted to live, i can't. because, as cliche as this sounds, my soul died a long time ago.

 

[Randomgin]

i'm a piece of shit. i feel like i've annoyed the only person i want to talk to and that they hate me. i'm annoying. i'm immature. nobody wants to be around me longer than they have to, and for good reason. i'm pathetic. i hope that all the people i've hurt can find peace, and that the people i've annoyed/pissed off will be somewhat happy that i'm gone.

i know i haven't been too active on here, but i just want to say thank you to everyone who's so much as reacted to my messages. there's not much else i can say beyond that without sounding disingenuous so... i'll leave you with this:

a tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aimes
je dois partir
these are the last words
i'll ever speak
and they'll set me free....

~ Dave Mustaine/Megadeth, A Tout Le Monde (Youthanasia, 1997)

Love that band. beautiful lyrics. Hope you find peace

 

[logan]

everyone seems to be getting better and going somewhere in life... everyone, that is, but me. i'm stuck in the aforementioned perpetual time loop that i don't know how to break out of. everyone grows past me at some point, because i, for some reason, can't change.

i don't want to go through this over and over, i don't want to be crying in bed, searching up methods and making plans that fail what seems like every two goddamn weeks.
nobody deserves to have to live the same nightmare over and over again without pause. and the people around me sure as hell don't deserve to be pulled along on my hellish rollercoaster.

i've come to terms with the fact that i'm, sadly, too far gone to be saved by therapy or medication. even if today's perceived rejection didn't happen, the fact remains that even if i wanted to live, i can't. because, as cliche as this sounds, my soul died a long time ago.

I can understand your situation very well.
I'm feeling the same way at the moment.

Unfortunately, I don't have a solution for getting out of this situation either.

I hope you find a way.

 

[ClairyFairy]

an endless cycle of:
- life getting microscopically better
- life suddenly becoming infinitely worse
- me attempting suicide
- me failing

It's like shouting into the air let me off I don't want to do this anymore. I'm waiting to start the cycle again. It's hard and it's tiring but I can't get off this godamn wheel

 

[deadverysoon]

i'm a piece of shit. i feel like i've annoyed the only person i want to talk to and that they hate me. i'm annoying. i'm immature. nobody wants to be around me longer than they have to, and for good reason. i'm pathetic. i hope that all the people i've hurt can find peace, and that the people i've annoyed/pissed off will be somewhat happy that i'm gone.

i know i haven't been too active on here, but i just want to say thank you to everyone who's so much as reacted to my messages. there's not much else i can say beyond that without sounding disingenuous so... i'll leave you with this:

a tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aimes
je dois partir
these are the last words
i'll ever speak
and they'll set me free....

~ Dave Mustaine/Megadeth, A Tout Le Monde (Youthanasia, 1997)

wish you the best.

 

[WillSterben]

Whatever You decide i wish you peace, its never too late to step back if it doesnt feel right

Sending Huggs

Have a safe travel!
Peace and Love!

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Safe travels, friend.

 

[The Tablet]

update that's a few days late.

it rained shortly after i'd made my last post, meaning i had to go inside asap. lesson learned: don't spend too much time thinking or the window of opportunity will close.

in the meantime, to be more specific, the past 24 hours, i've lost exactly 7 friends because i expressed... murderous thoughts towards a parent while venting in a groupchat. needless to say, things spiralled the fuck out of control. it ended with most of them blocking me. i say "most" because one just stuck around for the sole purpose of threatening to call the police if i didn't. lol.

didn't think things could get any worse, but it seems like i've somehow managed to dig through bedrock (if you've played minecraft, you'll know what i mean :P).

the police are coming to do a wellness check later today (don't know when), and then after that's done i'm gonna make my exit, stage left.

that means this is gonna be my final message. i apologize for not being able to ctb sooner, i really do. and once again, thank you for all your well wishes and kind messages. this is truly a wonderful, understanding community. it sucks that i can't stick around to get to know y'all more, but it is what it is.

thank you and have a lovely day, wherever you are

 

[domedune]

i apologize for not being able to ctb sooner, i really do.

Don't apologize for that. There's nothing to apologize for.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I've never felt murderous intent towards a parent but I have an abusive mother, so I can understand feeling that way. Expressing these feelings towards our bosses is a little more socially acceptable, yet a terrible parent can ruin your life more than anyone else. By actively abusing you, by neglecting their parental duties, and by having you in the first place.

Don't murder, obviously, but I can understand voicing those thoughts while venting.

I'm wishing you safety and rest, whatever you decide to do.