Help Ive gone fucking mental im scared

[DarkWolf]

I've just gone fucking mental. Felt a bit like going manic turned painc attack. Cpuldnt breathe. I've cut up both my arms and sent the stupidest fucking text to my therpist and now I'm terrified I'm gonna have the cops banging on my fucking door. I can't stop shaking and I feel sick. I tried to go to someone elses house I know but Ive never been there before so I couldn't find them. I don't want to get sectioned again
Fucking hell
It's 4 am and im so fucking tried I've just been driving around for hrs.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry to hear this. It seems you're having panic attacks. Are you taking any meds? Did you change any of your habits recently? Or are you simply overwhelmed by life?

Try getting some fresh air and breathe slowly. It won't take your problems away but it'll help at least.

Look at it this way: if you calm down, you won't go to the ctb.

I really hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs

 

[DarkWolf]

No I'm not on any meds
I don't know what happened I'm so confused. Im in so much pain but have been mostly dissociated for weeks.
I've tried to ctb twice in the last month. I don't want to be sectioned again
What if I get the fucking police banging the bloody door down. They're gonna assault me again.

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

Pats for you. Everything's going to be okay.

Spoiler

 

[purple꿈]

please take a deep breath and try to calm yourself. if you can't it's okay nothing is your fault and it's gonna be okay soon. just keep driving around ig (preferably with open windows so you can get fresh air and it won't be too suffocating) maybe it'll help with calming yourself and drink some water.

again you'll be fine dw,,

hugsss

 

[DarkWolf]

I've got home now. But I'm scared the police are gonna come. I was already in a conservation with my therpist saying I don't think have much longer left which was a stupid thing say anyway and I was gonna end the conversation. But then at 2 am in the morning my stupid brain decided to send a text saying I've had enough of this shit.
Looks like I'm going back to the loony bin.
Cutting normally calms me but it's not working and now my left arm is covered in blood.
My emotions are just so intense, extreme and rapid I just do stupid shit like this.

 

[Suffocated]

It's extremely disturbing how psychiatric establishments are a source of anxiety and terror for people. But don't worry, you're probably going to be okay. Just tell your therapist that you aren't actively suicidal and you were just overwhelmed for a moment.

 

[Loner]

Please try to relax. We are all here for you. Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

It's okay, op. We're here for you.

Spoiler

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Tell us if/how we can help you.
Sending you lots of love!!!!

 

[DarkWolf]

Thanks everyone
Just chatting helps I feel less alone. I've calm down a bit now. I'm scared of the police after last time. Logically I mean I think I can't be sectioned unless I present a danger to myself or others which I don't. I just can't shake off the fear and anxiety. Story of my life.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

PM me, if you ever need to talk/vent.
I hope that police won't come, and you've really dodged a bullet here.
take deep breaths, please

 

[DarkWolf]

I'm really hoping so too. I don't know why the fuck they think marching round intimidating, restraining and imprisoning suicidal people is in any way helpful.
This is why I should have never tried to seek 'help' no one can be trusted.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Bc they think life is so fucking precious, that it's okay to scare the shit out of you or to hurt you, just as long as you're alive.
It's supposed to be your life and your decision what to do with it.

 

[DarkWolf]

Yeah thats basically it. Last time I was sectioned they told me I was not normal, everything was my fault, I chose to isolate myself and that I might enjoy being homeless. I have been given no real help. All they want to do is physically stop you from ctb and they don't care how you feel or how much you suffer.

 

[Echo]

Please take deep breaths, slow and deep.
Can you possibly make yourself a cup of tea to sip or a cup of hot chocolate? Just to give yourself something warm to hold and to help calm you? That sometimes helps me.

 

[DarkWolf]

I don't want to wake up my housemate so I'm trying to keep quiet. I've put the heater on in my room to try to warm up. I think this is just gonna be a waiting game. I'm so angry at myself for doing this. Wtf is wrong with me.
Dunno what the hell I'm gonna do about these cuts. I never cut my arms only my legs where no one can see why did I do that.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Yeah thats basically it. Last time I was sectioned they told me I was not normal, everything was my fault, I chose to isolate myself and that I might enjoy being homeless. I have been given no real help. All they want to do is physically stop you from ctb and they don't care how you feel or how much you suffer.

Exactly!!! You tell em you hate yourself or your life or both, and they don't give two fucks!!! Everything is your fault. You're either not trying enough or some other bullshit!!! Apparently, we choose to be like this!! They can all go to hell

I don't want to wake up my housemate so I'm trying to keep quiet. I've put the heater on in my room to try to warm up. I think this is just gonna be a waiting game. I'm so angry at myself for doing this. Wtf is wrong with me.
Dunno what the hell I'm gonna do about these cuts. I never cut my arms only my legs where no one can see why did I do that.

nothing's wrong with you. You're hurting. You're in pain. You might still have hope that they will help you somehow.
I hope you're feeling warm and at least a tiny bit comfortable.

 

[DarkWolf]

Thank you. I hate that I behave like this. I'm literally in so much pain and no one can see it. I must be one of the most ignored people to ever exist. My life is constant pain over and over and over again.
I've sent my therpist a message saying sorry and that I'm fine and hopefully she won't react by contacting the police. If she phones the pigs on me I will never ever trust a MH professional ever again.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Hey. It's really okay. I get it. You behave like a person in pain. I just wish that "reaching out" didn't have to involve getting you admitted.
Regarding therapists and suchlike, I don't wanna defend anyone, but it is their job. To keep you from hurting yourself.
I don't know why they don't understand it. One thing, if a person is a danger to others. But when we are not....
I'm really sorry you're in such pain. Are you feeling a bit better?

 

[DarkWolf]

Thank you you're very kind. I'm not panicking anymore.
My last section was very short but I left the hospital more suicidal and broken than when I went in. I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Thank you you're very kind. I'm not panicking anymore.
My last section was very short but I left the hospital more suicidal and broken than when I went in. I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take.

I really wish I could help you. And I hate that you have to go through so much without decent support.
I wish I could say that everything's gonna be alright. But I most definitely don't know that. All I can say that I hope it will get better.
I'm glad you're not panicking!!!!

 

[DarkWolf]

I wonder if I had support as a child and had been removed from my toxic family whether I would have been like this at all.
I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Hopefully nothing will come of this.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I wonder if I had support as a child and had been removed from my toxic family whether I would have been like this at all.
I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Hopefully nothing will come of this.

Who knows?? Maybe?......

Getting some sleep sounds great!!!
I hope so too!!
Goodnight, my friend!!!!! Sleep well!!!!