NikePopuli

NikePopuli

True freedom is found in death
Dec 10, 2022
23
No one can help me. No one can be my friend. No one can ever care about me. I give up on people. The only person I can rely on is myself.
 
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Obliviate

Obliviate

Abandon All Hope
Aug 13, 2022
800
Honestly same. Most humans really are disgusting. it's sad. I'm very alone too
 
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NikePopuli

NikePopuli

True freedom is found in death
Dec 10, 2022
23
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O

oneeyed

Specialist
Oct 11, 2022
332
Same. Hence my trust issues. Even people I say I "trust", there are limits. If it's any consolation, there are many members here which understand your plight and won't pass judgement. Don't need to trust them or be friends with them, but know that we are here to listen.
 
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SectOfValtiel

SectOfValtiel

Attendant of God
Nov 7, 2022
217
yeah
theres been too many people that have manipulated my trust for that to be viable anymore...
an ex once told me to my face i was gullible
in a way im thankful, shes part of the reason im not so much anymore haha- but to be fair someone much much worse taught me that lesson in full

i dont know how to exist in someones life without fucking ruining it
and its probably been around 3 years since the last time i felt important to anyone, too
its not that i feel like myself is more reliable, or that being alone is even something i can handle- it really isnt, its unbearable for me
its the main factor in why i even think about CTB
but choosing to suffer in isolation is more manageable than choosing to subject any more people to my awfulness
i cant change, ive tried, so at least this way i cant hurt anyone anymore
and they cant hurt me, only myself and my memories can

i dont want to be alone anymore
i cant handle this feeling, its so goddamn painful every single day waking up with the realization you could be a rotting pile of meat before anyone even noticed you were missing...
but i cant seem to fix it, either
i dont have a choice
and ill probably end up dying alone one day, too, completely forgotten

it horrifies me
 
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Red

Red

Warlock
Apr 10, 2019
744
The unkindness people display is by far the most horrible thing in this world, it's the one theme that keeps popping up for me too. I've not suffered the worst injustices that man has inflicted upon each other but I've had some pretty brutal moments. It seems that every time I have been at my absolute lowest, someone (or several people) feels the need to kick me when I'm down. It's unfathomable, especially when you yourself feel the irresistible need to comfort those who suffer, even when they have consistently wronged you, no matter what.

Most of my life has been spent utterly baffled at the way people think and behave. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint and can do stupid and selfish things as much as any other. But I fucking TRY to be good, tolerant and kind. I've made myself look more at situations from other people's perspectives, hoping to gain insight into their mindsets, yet still often find myself just as (sometimes more) confused by and appalled at just how unfeeling and vindictive some people can be for seemingly no reason at all.

There appears to be no weighing up the good against the potential damage caused in these moments, it's just instinct for some people to be utterly awful and for some reason some of us attract that more that others… it's sucks, makes you doubt yourself when years of the same treatment from many different parties keeps happening. You think, "I'm the obvious common denominator, how and why am I defective?" Yet it's that very thought that attracts those prone to preying on others this way - why accept responsibility for your own flaws when you can project them neatly on someone with so little confidence that they might accept them for you?

I guess you can't ever truly walk a mile in someone's shoes as them; if you put yourself their situation it's still your feet in their shoes - they prolly won't fit and will ultimately give you blisters for your trouble.

I have profound trust issues too lol it's just our brains trying to defend ourselves as they notice patterns in our environment. We generally naturally avoid pain if we can help it; if people have been a constant source of despair and discomfort, you develop an aversion to people.

I'm always open to the possibility that people are capable of kindness, it's just that it's much rarer than the crap side. So I naturally assume people are gonna be shit. Then when I do encounter those beautiful moments of altruism and sweetness, they come as a pleasant surprise - much better that way than hoping for good things and being constantly disappointed.

Big hugs to you OP, I feel ya. M feeling utterly alone too, needing validation from those unwilling to provide it and unable to fully express myself for it is discarded and downplayed every time. Yet still expected to always give without replenishment. It's tiring.
 
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M

Meaninglessness

Existence is absolutely meaningless
Nov 12, 2022
128
I have given up on humans too. Circumstances, health problems and my relatives have destroyed my current life. We will lose everything with the passage of time. It hasn´t been possible to find a true friend on the overpopulated Internet, either. I have to continue living alone and die alone, like a prisoner in an isolation cell. But most of my life has been good - I have great memories from the past. I have done what I could in a meaningless world. Now, life has become too long. I should have euthanasia to get out of this meaninglessness, but that will be a human right for future generations, not for me. I have to find another way. Writing and thinking about death will not make it happen.
 
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B

Bardo

Arcanist
Jan 25, 2023
403
The unkindness people display is by far the most horrible thing in this world, it's the one theme that keeps popping up for me too. I've not suffered the worst injustices that man has inflicted upon each other but I've had some pretty brutal moments. It seems that every time I have been at my absolute lowest, someone (or several people) feels the need to kick me when I'm down. It's unfathomable, especially when you yourself feel the irresistible need to comfort those who suffer, even when they have consistently wronged you, no matter what.

Most of my life has been spent utterly baffled at the way people think and behave. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint and can do stupid and selfish things as much as any other. But I fucking TRY to be good, tolerant and kind. I've made myself look more at situations from other people's perspectives, hoping to gain insight into their mindsets, yet still often find myself just as (sometimes more) confused by and appalled at just how unfeeling and vindictive some people can be for seemingly no reason at all.

There appears to be no weighing up the good against the potential damage caused in these moments, it's just instinct for some people to be utterly awful and for some reason some of us attract that more that others… it's sucks, makes you doubt yourself when years of the same treatment from many different parties keeps happening. You think, "I'm the obvious common denominator, how and why am I defective?" Yet it's that very thought that attracts those prone to preying on others this way - why accept responsibility for your own flaws when you can project them neatly on someone with so little confidence that they might accept them for you?

I guess you can't ever truly walk a mile in someone's shoes as them; if you put yourself their situation it's still your feet in their shoes - they prolly won't fit and will ultimately give you blisters for your trouble.

I have profound trust issues too lol it's just our brains trying to defend ourselves as they notice patterns in our environment. We generally naturally avoid pain if we can help it; if people have been a constant source of despair and discomfort, you develop an aversion to people.

I'm always open to the possibility that people are capable of kindness, it's just that it's much rarer than the crap side. So I naturally assume people are gonna be shit. Then when I do encounter those beautiful moments of altruism and sweetness, they come as a pleasant surprise - much better that way than hoping for good things and being constantly disappointed.

Big hugs to you OP, I feel ya. M feeling utterly alone too, needing validation from those unwilling to provide it and unable to fully express myself for it is discarded and downplayed every time. Yet still expected to always give without replenishment. It's tiring.
Very well stated. Thank you.
 
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LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Nov 4, 2020
1,988
I too place no value on a humans life, it's why l made such a good soldier, l choose to value Dog's ie (Staffies) more than human beings!
 
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BritishPaul

BritishPaul

irl comic relief
Feb 11, 2023
100
If humans suck, OpenAI has your back.

Well they don't but let's just assume ChatGPT is free softrware.
 
AnxietyHangover

AnxietyHangover

Global Moderator
Aug 20, 2022
243
Honestly same. Most humans really are disgusting. it's sad. I'm very alone too
I can honestly relate so much to this. Feels like I am condemned to be alone. It's difficult to make it through the day with this solitude, and the haunting thoughts like "am I really not good enough for anyone?"...
 
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Csmith8827

Csmith8827

Don't you listen to your heart? (Listen to it...)
Oct 26, 2019
895
If humans suck, OpenAI has your back.

Well they don't but let's just assume ChatGPT is free softrware.
I just tried that shit out for the past 3hours. Chatgpt Is interesting as shit...after talking to something intelligent (even if it's AI) it makes talking to humans seem like stepping into the stone age. Honestly people are Fucking stupid...AI is the future...
 
jodes2

jodes2

Hello people ❤️
Aug 28, 2022
7,737
Some hoomans r ok
 
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