I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy.

[IchIsGone]

Happiness and joy in their purest form. I miss the feelings.

 

[Neurodamaged2]

Same. I've pretty much destroyed my brain, especially the dopamine/serotonin/oxytocin receptors, so it's literally not even possible for me to feel much at all this point. It's just numbness.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Same - almost hard to believe I used to have those moments! I feel like a different person now.

 

[Sargasm]

I remember what being truly happy felt like, and for me at least, that makes it worse.

I remember what I had, what I lost, and now I exist in it's absence with those memories haunting and tormenting me. Any rare happy moments I experience now are instantly soured and destroyed as those memories come flooding back to remind me that I am not allowed to be happy.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Same. I've pretty much destroyed my brain, especially the dopamine/serotonin/oxytocin receptors, so it's literally not even possible for me to feel much at all this point. It's just numbness.

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that.
If you don't mind me asking - no problem if you don't feel comfortable taking about it ! For how long did you take antidepressants ?
I'm asking cause I've started recently but I don't trust it. Psychiatrist and psychologist say I got to trust the meds but .... I don't

I remember what being truly happy felt like, and for me at least, that makes it worse.

I remember what I had, what I lost, and now I exist in it's absence with those memories haunting and tormenting me. Any rare happy moments I experience now are instantly soured and destroyed as those memories come flooding back to remind me that I am not allowed to be happy.

I'm so sorry your life took this path.
I hope things do get better,
I feel your pain and if you ever want somebody to talk to, you can pm me if you wish.

Same - almost hard to believe I used to have those moments! I feel like a different person now.

I can relate so much to what you just said. And I feel like I'm never being happy again. Ever.
and feeling like a different person... this totally describes me. In a way because I'm so different and in another because I would never have imagined one day to feel so unmotivated and hopeless.

 

[Jean4]

I honestly cannot remember being happy. I got Milo my cat to keep me company. Milo makes me content (at times), but not happy.

Add being happy to the list of things I haven't experienced... such as having friends, having a serious relationship etc.

 

[Dreamwithinadream]

Me too. It's been so long I can't even remember. I know I was happy once but when I think back it feels like someone else's life.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Me too. It's been so long I can't even remember. I know I was happy once but when I think back it feels like someone else's life.

Yes. Depression really makes you feel like your identity was stolen. .

reminds me of what a psychiatrist once told me "this is not you. You're sick. You're gonna be better"
At the time I thought it was too harsh. Now I kinda see phrase one and two as true. At the moment totally disbelieve numbeR 3. But who knows, maybe time will change it, just like for 1 and 2.

 

[morningdew]

a little joy goes along way these days.

 

[Are you lost too?]

a little joy goes along way these days.

reminds me of a movie quote:

"You know, a beautiful Italian girl once said to me, you can't unfuck what's been fucked"

 

[Neurodamaged2]

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that.
If you don't mind me asking - no problem if you don't feel comfortable taking about it ! For how long did you take antidepressants ?
I'm asking cause I've started recently but I don't trust it. Psychiatrist and psychologist say I got to trust the meds but .... I don't

Five years but the damage and changes started immediately for me, just went slowly.

 

[Misanthrope]

Pretty much at the same point. Get a kinda happiness by proxy when seeing my loved ones doing well and having fun. However, then there is a sadness too as I am basically a spectator and not a participant. Feels more like smothering my own misery to not pollute their happiness and vicariously living through theirs. It is not enough.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I couldn't describe that to you if I tied. The feeling has long been gone ever since I got sick at 20 years old with the highest ranking pain condition in medical history called complex regional pain syndrome.

 

[I’vehadenough]

I had to go to the suicide prevention class once and they give you a guideline trying to convince you that suicide is wrong by debunking reasons for suicide. One of the statements read: if I kill myself, I won't feel bad anymore. But if you commit suicide, you won't have happy moments anymore either.

Lol uh I don't have happy moments, why do you think I'm commiting suicide