bashfuldaisy
Bø
- Jul 22, 2024
- 10
hello!
I don't plan on leaving a physical note but I wanted to explain to strangers on the internet if nothing else, I can talk about it without getting talked out of it.
My name is Bo, I'm 20 years old and I've come to the decision to end my life. At 20 I am in thousands of dollars of medical debt from shitty teeth genetics to ambulance rides. It's severely damaging my credit and I think it's impossible to ever come back from this without a miracle. I don't have a method fully planned out but I am slowly cutting off ties and giving things away. Yesterday I was on the phone with my dad and he told me I looked sad, I didn't know what to do about it or what to say. Later that night I began playing a game with a friend and thought about the fact that that's probably the last time I'm ever going to play a game with him again. I'm staying with a friend temporarily but I am homeless. I see no point in trying to get better. The only form of validation or interaction I get from people is objectifying me while I feel like the worst person in the world.
Through my life I was bullied severely as well as abused by family members and classmates. I have spent the last almost 6 years in and out of Psych hospitals pretty consistently, I am not a person anymore. I am a husk of a human. I walk around and engage in conversations but with every meaningful or funny conversation I have all I can think about is "I can't believe soon, I'm not going to get to talk about this" or "I'm not going to be able to hang out with them anymore" because you know…I'll be dead. I don't know if I should plan a funeral or set aside money or just sell everything I own. I don't know what to do. I'm 20, am I too young to be this far behind in life?
I guess I want to talk about who I am as a person, something to be found of me and who I am once I'm gone. I'm a pretty alternative person and I love to go out and see cats! My favorite band is twenty one pilots and I'm a very outgoing person. I love making friends and I love talking to people. I'm a very creative person as well.
I hope in the next life I'll be born as a cat, a house cat surrounded by love and shelter. A loving family. Maybe in my next life I'll be given a better chance, maybe I'll be born with the skills to flourish. This life wasn't made out for me, I wasn't made to be an adult. I didn't choose this, and I want out.
If you read all of this, thank you dearly for reading who I am. I hope you're able to find peace and healing in this lifetime in whatever way that might be
I don't plan on leaving a physical note but I wanted to explain to strangers on the internet if nothing else, I can talk about it without getting talked out of it.
My name is Bo, I'm 20 years old and I've come to the decision to end my life. At 20 I am in thousands of dollars of medical debt from shitty teeth genetics to ambulance rides. It's severely damaging my credit and I think it's impossible to ever come back from this without a miracle. I don't have a method fully planned out but I am slowly cutting off ties and giving things away. Yesterday I was on the phone with my dad and he told me I looked sad, I didn't know what to do about it or what to say. Later that night I began playing a game with a friend and thought about the fact that that's probably the last time I'm ever going to play a game with him again. I'm staying with a friend temporarily but I am homeless. I see no point in trying to get better. The only form of validation or interaction I get from people is objectifying me while I feel like the worst person in the world.
Through my life I was bullied severely as well as abused by family members and classmates. I have spent the last almost 6 years in and out of Psych hospitals pretty consistently, I am not a person anymore. I am a husk of a human. I walk around and engage in conversations but with every meaningful or funny conversation I have all I can think about is "I can't believe soon, I'm not going to get to talk about this" or "I'm not going to be able to hang out with them anymore" because you know…I'll be dead. I don't know if I should plan a funeral or set aside money or just sell everything I own. I don't know what to do. I'm 20, am I too young to be this far behind in life?
I guess I want to talk about who I am as a person, something to be found of me and who I am once I'm gone. I'm a pretty alternative person and I love to go out and see cats! My favorite band is twenty one pilots and I'm a very outgoing person. I love making friends and I love talking to people. I'm a very creative person as well.
I hope in the next life I'll be born as a cat, a house cat surrounded by love and shelter. A loving family. Maybe in my next life I'll be given a better chance, maybe I'll be born with the skills to flourish. This life wasn't made out for me, I wasn't made to be an adult. I didn't choose this, and I want out.
If you read all of this, thank you dearly for reading who I am. I hope you're able to find peace and healing in this lifetime in whatever way that might be
