Definitely sending hugs.
I would start by making a list of things I think are "smart" or "special". Like, if you imagined a version of yourself that could be worthy, what would they be like? Making an idolized sim version of yourself might be a nice start.
Then you just write down an easy goal you can finish in a day and a more difficult one that could take a week/month. You can build on it later, but the start could be:
1. Stretching daily when I wake up (I want to be able to do a full split by Sept. 9th)
2. Watching the first lecture in a series on Western Philosophy and completing a mini-essay by the end of the day.
Those are just examples, your goals can be much, much simpler if you're having a low spoon day, but I believe intelligence is only the speed in which you process new information. If you process new information at a slower pace consistently with focus, you will still grow to become exceptional in time. Studies show consistency, rather than intelligence, is the best indicator of success.
Best of luck to you.