I've changed

[escapefromabuse]

I used to be fun loving with a sense of humor. I used to laugh and joke and smile all the time. I was the guy you wanted to work with because we could laugh and have fun. A lot of times people would even start telling me their personal stories. I'm not sure why; I didn't solicit the information. I was a good father. I spent a lot of time with my kids. We would play and I would make them food. I took them to their doctor's appointments, activities, give them baths, etc. I laughed with the kids and they laughed with me. I taught them little things like high fives and knuckles and "secret" handshakes. My kids love me.

But my sense of self was stripped away. I've been left reeling and lost and I don't know who I am any more. What I wanted in life, what I worked for, what made me get up in the morning and what I cared about, is all gone. I don't smile often anymore, and when I do it's more likely to be a rueful smile. I can't remember the last time I laughed. I haven't worked, I sleep all the time, and since coming to SS I spend a great deal of time here. I still love my kids but it isn't the same. I think my oldest can tell there's something deeply wrong. She sat next to me the other night and we just talked. I asked her about her new job (she's a teen and it's her first). I gave her a little hard time, but I listened when she told me about her rude customers. I got the feeling she knows something is wrong. She's smart and intuitive and I think she's got the deep feels like I do.

This past year has been the most fucked up thing I've ever been through. It pales in comparison to some of the crazy that happened when I got divorced. A lot of that, while still wrong, at least can be explained by the circumstances. This past year though? What did I do wrong?

Idk this is just a short rant. It's possible I've had a drink or two tonight and needed to let it out.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry your life has changed so dramatically and is worse. It sounds like you are still a good father for taking the time to talk with your daughter. Have you considered therapy? It might help you.

 

[escapefromabuse]

I'm sorry your life has changed so dramatically and is worse. It sounds like you are still a good father for taking the time to talk with your daughter. Have you considered therapy? It might help you.

Thank you I've always tried to make time for my kids. I've seen therapists off and on since I was a teenager. I started seeing a trauma counselor last June after I called a DV hotline and they were pretty alarmed at what I'd been going through, so they hooked me up with a local shelter. It's helped in the sense I recognize that I experienced abuse from someone who probably has a personality disorder, but it doesn't solve my problems, you know? I'm still being hounded through the courts, everything is a complete mess, and I'm not sure I'll ever fully recover from what happened. I hate my life.

 

[faust]

I am so sorry you are running through this in your life... This is totally devastating.
There is no reason to blame yourself for everything happening in your life today.
I think you should definitely give yourself some time to think about what to do next.
It reminds me a little bit of midlife crisis. Although some things which you are talking about are different.
For some people it is very useful to try something new, e.g. new hobby, new activities. Have you tried doing something completely different to what you have done before? In my opinion, there is still a way out of your situation and I wish you all the best in your life no matter what your decision is!

 

[escapefromabuse]

I am so sorry you are running through this in your life... This is totally devastating.
There is no reason to blame yourself for everything happening in your life today.
I think you should definitely give yourself some time to think about what to do next.
It reminds me a little bit of midlife crisis. Although some things which you are talking about are different.
For some people it is very useful to try something new, e.g. new hobby, new activities. Have you tried doing something completely different to what you have done before? In my opinion, there is still a way out of your situation and I wish you all the best in your life no matter what your decision is!

I've taken a pretty fatalistic view these days. This person is relentless and the definition of cold-hearted. I've tried for almost a year now to get right, and somehow I get kicked right in the nuts every time I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Every. Single. Time. I'm tired

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Thank you I've always tried to make time for my kids. I've seen therapists off and on since I was a teenager. I started seeing a trauma counselor last June after I called a DV hotline and they were pretty alarmed at what I'd been going through, so they hooked me up with a local shelter. It's helped in the sense I recognize that I experienced abuse from someone who probably has a personality disorder, but it doesn't solve my problems, you know? I'm still being hounded through the courts, everything is a complete mess, and I'm not sure I'll ever fully recover from what happened. I hate my life.

I'm glad you have at least sought help. Staying strong for your kids is important because, they really need you. I'm sorry you hate your life, and I hope it gets better for you.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Your story is sad and touching. It sounds like you are a very empathetic person and a great dad. Its often the empathetic people that get hurt the most and find it hardest to get back up again. It gets harder as you get older too and everything begins to break down. Real warriors are the ones who can keep going through all this. Real strength is quietly fighting when no one even realises how broken you are.

 

[faust]

I've taken a pretty fatalistic view these days. This person is relentless and the definition of cold-hearted. I've tried for almost a year now to get right, and somehow I get kicked right in the nuts every time I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Every. Single. Time. I'm tired

I know how it feels like... There is such a type of people which I call vampires. They drink all your blood, they might even have some morbid desires to ruin your life intentionally. Although some of them do that unconsciously, the rest are satisfied when somebody is in struggle because they put their hands on that person. It is almost the way to increase their self-esteem. These toxic people are not rare and it is very difficult to spot them because they are in disguise. You are not alone with your problem. I have tens of examples of such behaviour in real life. If you can, please, tell me about courts. What do they want from you?

 

[Thereisnothing]

I used to be fun loving with a sense of humor. I used to laugh and joke and smile all the time. I was the guy you wanted to work with because we could laugh and have fun. A lot of times people would even start telling me their personal stories. I'm not sure why; I didn't solicit the information. I was a good father. I spent a lot of time with my kids. We would play and I would make them food. I took them to their doctor's appointments, activities, give them baths, etc. I laughed with the kids and they laughed with me. I taught them little things like high fives and knuckles and "secret" handshakes. My kids love me.

But my sense of self was stripped away. I've been left reeling and lost and I don't know who I am any more. What I wanted in life, what I worked for, what made me get up in the morning and what I cared about, is all gone. I don't smile often anymore, and when I do it's more likely to be a rueful smile. I can't remember the last time I laughed. I haven't worked, I sleep all the time, and since coming to SS I spend a great deal of time here. I still love my kids but it isn't the same. I think my oldest can tell there's something deeply wrong. She sat next to me the other night and we just talked. I asked her about her new job (she's a teen and it's her first). I gave her a little hard time, but I listened when she told me about her rude customers. I got the feeling she knows something is wrong. She's smart and intuitive and I think she's got the deep feels like I do.

This past year has been the most fucked up thing I've ever been through. It pales in comparison to some of the crazy that happened when I got divorced. A lot of that, while still wrong, at least can be explained by the circumstances. This past year though? What did I do wrong?

Idk this is just a short rant. It's possible I've had a drink or two tonight and needed to let it out.

Its good to get things off your chest, even if doesn't change the situation. I would take hope and strength from being a father. I have been through hell and back over the years and had some real nasty crap from people and its really leaves its scars and pain. Continue to offload and share, just having someone listen is very helpful. Some good advice and love on here, you aren't alone, so do reach out. Heres a hug from me xx

 

[escapefromabuse]

Your story is sad and touching. It sounds like you are a very empathetic person and a great dad. Its often the empathetic people that get hurt the most and find it hardest to get back up again. It gets harder as you get older too and everything begins to break down. Real warriors are the ones who can keep going through all this. Real strength is quietly fighting when no one even realises how broken you are.

I've been fighting the battle for a long time. This sounds so dramatic but she broke me to my core. I gave everything I had for her and it wasn't enough. There was always something wrong. Always. I was never doing enough. Never. And now that she's taken everything, she's going after more. Every time I stand up she kicks me down. This is someone I deeply loved and the sudden change she underwent and the cruelty she's capable of has worn me out. I'm so very tired

 

[GinaIsReady]

Glad you shared that. Thanks.

 

[escapefromabuse]

I know how it feels like... There is such a type of people which I call vampires. They drink all your blood, they might even have some morbid desires to ruin your life intentionally. Although some of them do that unconsciously, the rest are satisfied when somebody is in struggle because they put their hands on that person. It is almost the way to increase their self-esteem. These toxic people are not rare and it is very difficult to spot them because they are in disguise. You are not alone with your problem. I have tens of examples of such behaviour in real life. If you can, please, tell me about courts. What do they want from you?

Yeah I'm pretty sure it's a cluster b but who knows? The court stuff is about money. For her money is like blood in the water to a shark. She's got me cornered, I have no lawyer, and what she'll get me to owe her will mean I can never retire.

 

[faust]

Yeah I'm pretty sure it's a cluster b but who knows? The court stuff is about money. For her money is like blood in the water to a shark. She's got me cornered, I have no lawyer, and what she'll get me to owe her will mean I can never retire.

This subject is very close to me. I was looking up for statistics in the field of marriage and divorcement long enough, was reading all the laws. I don't know how it is in your country, but in those which I was interested in, the marriage and divorcement ratio is around 1 to 1.6. Meaning that around 60 per cent of marriages will be a failure. What happens next. Let's deem our wife is sitting with kids. After divorce man loses kids, loses half of his savings even though she never worked. He is doomed to pay alimony to kids which he can rarely see (if only he can). Plus an ex-wife with kids won't become homeless. A house is likely to become not yours. And you will have to pay mortgage for the house you do not possess + rent of accommodation for yourself. With such laws it is not surprising that more and more men select civil partnership and avoid being married there. Gold diggers should be stopped by creating a more decent divorcement system. What do you think?

 

[GinaIsReady]

Gold diggers should be stopped by creating a more decent divorcement system. What do you think?

AMEN is what I think! Well said!

Also - I love your avatar! Is it a real baby dolphin?

 

[faust]

AMEN is what I think! Well said!

Also - I love your avatar! Is it a real baby dolphin?

Thank you, it is a real baby dolphin, but the photo is not mine and it is not me